All pickings are sourced to Pride and Prejudice, Miss Austen's sexiest novel.
Sexually frustrated Miss Caroline Bingely refers to the Shriveled-up 'Pen' of Mr. Darcy
Miss Bingley: "I am afraid you do not like your pen. Let me mend it for you. I mend pens remarkably well."
Mr. Darcy: "Thank you - but I always mend my own."
Mr. Darcy Discusses the Pitfalls of 2-Minute Fast-food Sex with Intimate Friend Mr. Bingley
"The power of doing anything with quickness is always much prized by the possessor, and often without any attention to the imperfection of the performance."
Miss Caroline Bingley Chooses Her Favorite Male Body Part
"I should like balls infinitely better."
Jane Austen's 18th-Century Portrayal of Weird Sexual Practices in Army Camps
Much had been done in the regiment since the preceding Wednesday: several of the officers had dined lately with their uncle, a private had been flogged.
Mrs. Bennet Makes Wild Guesses on the Virginity of her Daughters
As to her younger daughters she could not take upon her to say - she could not positively answer - but she did not know of any prepossession.
Copulation - In the Elegant Jane Austen Style
She received him with her very best politeness, which he returned with as much more, apologising for his intrusion, without any previous acquaintance with her.
(Mrs. Philips gets intimate with the clergyman Mr. Collins.)
Dykes Disturbed
The two young ladies were summoned from the shrubbery.
Mary - the Bookish Bennet Daughter - Proposes to be a Part-time Whore
"While I can have my mornings to myself," said she, "it is enough - I think it no sacrifice to join occasionally in evening engagements."
In the Act
Elizabeth felt herself completely taken in.
Lizzie's Dirty Thoughts
"Perhaps by and by I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones."
Miss Elizabeth Bennet Doubts Her Sexual Prowess
"I must not decide on my own performance."
Article comments
1 - mschannon
Great satire. Well done. I gotta get me that book.
In Decaf Veritas
2 - Mayank 'Austen' Singh
Wao! If my articles on Jane Austen's writings can attract more readers to her brilliantly cool novels, I am more than content.
3 - sophie
your an idiot. this isnt satire. this is you destorting normal situations into sexaul ones. you missed all of the REAL satire of the novel.