In an attempt to not write sports and celebrate Hanukkah — neither of which ever happens all too frequently in this guy's world — we present you the fifth of an eight-part series, "The Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour." On the fifth sundown, it's the gift of: Blogcritics Books!
It may take some crack investigation, a team of dedicated detectives, and a little bit of luck, but it will be possible to find tangible evidence that I have, in my seedy past, read a book. Multiple books, in fact.
It wasn't easy, but getting through them was accomplished through a long and arduous process of flipping through the pages, flipping back when I got confused, and ultimately thinking up my own ending for the book when I had too many pages remaining.
Therein dwells the problem. I'll be reading a book I like, then after a couple pages I'll suddenly realize I have drifted off in thought, perhaps thinking about crispy Waffle House bacon. I'm sure some of you will maintain it's also how I write.
It took several years to realize that simply looking at the pages while contemplating life's other mysteries is a horrible way to finish a book. This explains most of my English Lit. grades in high school - the other reason being that I used class time to write a full-length script starring Shannon Elizabeth and Gallagher (never did get produced, by the way).
Short literary works are no problem. Take our fine BC offerings. Mental_Floss's Question of the Day? A cinch to read and digest (Okay, I shelled your pub. Fork it over.). As for any of the fine essays by Richard Marcus, well, that's sort of like a feast. I have to plan in advance and not read anything all day, or else I'll get full halfway and get the runs.
Article comments
1 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
You had me at "crispy Waffle House bacon" and "Shannon Elizabeth," but lost me again at "Gallagher."
On the other hand, a good book is kind of like a sledge-o-matic to the senses and upside the head. In a good way.
2 - Victor Plenty
Have a heart, Gordon! A mention in a Sussman piece is one of the few times Gallagher ever gets a chance to be in something funny.
3 - Joanne Huspek
Funny.
I can picture you weighing this option in your car: Toledo? Ann Arbor? Toledo? Ann Arbor? -- and I see when you originally wrote this.
My guess is that it's a wash these days.