Quiller Balalaika - by Adam Hall - Page 2

At times you can come very close to despair, and that's the most dangerous thing of all, except panic. You can take your time over despair, but panic is quick acting, deadly. I've never given in to panic, but yes, I've come close to despair.

It was the first time I'd taken an uncalculated risk during a mission, and now I knew why the idea had always frightened me: with a calculated risk, when you know most of the data, most of the hazards and the chances of escape, you can keep a modicum of control over the operation. Without that, you're plunging into the labyrinth blind, and may God have mercy on you.

Mea culpa. But stay, be gentle with me, my good friend, grant me your charity, for madness of whatever kind can come upon any man at any time.

There have been times in my life, in my career - which is my life - when I've known that I've placed myself outside reality, committed myself to achieving the unachievable. It's very dangerous, but on these occasions there is no choice.

Although this doesn't apply only to training. It applies to whatever you want to do in life, whatever you've got to do. It's the ultimate key to success, and it's the only one, so when you've found it, don't lose it. We create our own reality. You've seen those bumper stickers in Moscow - Shit happens. And those people are dead right - that's what happens to them, because that's what they expect - they get what they're looking for, what they've created for themselves.

The final sentence of Chaille Trevor's Afterword:

Jean-Pierre and I took Elleston's ashes to the top of Ziegler Mountain, which overlooks my mother's ranch in the White Mountains of Arizona. Elleston loved a view. Standing on boulders by an ancient twisted tree, one can see over miles of wilderness and hear only the wind. Jean-Pierre and I lifted our glasses of Fernet Branca, Quiller's favorite drink, toward the distance and toasted the flight of Elleston's spirit.

Article Author: bookofjoe

Visit bookofjoe's author page — bookofjoe's Blog