Interview with Virginia Vitzthum, Author of I Love You, Let's Meet - Page 2

Salon was the coolest thing going then, and my first national exposure, then they started a sex section called Urge and meanwhile I'd had this experience I REALLY wanted to write about. I tried dramatizing it in a play, but that didn't work, and so I decided I needed to just tell it first person. So I sent this over the transom to them, wondering as I hit send, did I just make a huge mistake? (Warning: The story linked to is VERY mature.)

But they loved it, it ended up being one of the most-read stories of the year, and I found it wasn't unbearable to have people know private stuff about me. So when Salon said, "do you want to be the regular sex columnist?" I said yes.

So I guess the short answer is, Write about what intrigues you, take risks, and send things that are already written. They say journalists shouldn’t do that, that they should send pitches and clips. But every magazine I've gotten into, I did it by sending them something ready to go. Which makes sense; editors are busy, and this makes their job easier.

The book required personal/emotional risk, too. I wanted to be true to the experience of being lonely and longing to have someone and how much is at stake when you online date. I find the end a little naked, but I think it had to be. When I feel exposed and uncomfortable, it usually turns out I took a risk I needed to.

Scott: You make an interesting comment that jumped out at me: "Sex on the first face-to-face date often signals it will be the last date." Can you elaborate on why that is?

Virginia: It seems to be some sort of unspoken rule, that if you're interested in the person as a boyfriend/girlfriend, you'll make a second date rather than sleep together. I suppose it's to do with women not wanting to be seen as sluts and men wanting to show respect.

Scott: You make a telling observation about what happens when one tries to quit a site like eharmony, namely they give you a guilt trip implying you are giving up on seeking a relationship and thus are going to be an angry hermit with many cats living an unhappy live. Is this guilt trip intentional marketing crap or do those running the site really believe this?