Time Bete and Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall are the authors of the hilarious parenting book, Guide to Pirate Parenting, which has been garnering some great reviews since its release in 2007. Bete's parenting advice has been published in dozens of newspapers, magazines and websites. Cap'n Billy allegedly lives in a ship and has been running from authorities for most of his life. In this interview, they talk about their new book and how they came to write it.
Why don’t you begin by telling us a little about yourselves?
Tim Bete: My name is Tim Bete.
Cap’n Billy: And I be Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” MacDougall.
TB: Together we wrote the book, Guide to Pirate Parenting.
CB: But I be the brains behind the book, he’s just a scurvy bilge rat with a laptop.
TB: My humor writing has been published in dozens of newspapers, magazines and Web sites, including the Christian Science Monitor, Atlanta Parent, Big Apple Parent, Northwest Family, FathersWorld.com and ParentingHumor.com. My first book was In the Beginning…There Were No Diapers.
CB: I’ve been hiding from authorities for most of my life. I live on me ship, The Frightened Flounder, but sometimes ye can find me at the Crow’s Nest Tavern. That’s where I met the pale, flabby land-lubber writer.
TB: My hobbies include pushing my luck and skating on thin ice. In my spare time, I’m director of the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.
CB: My hobbies be plundering and rum.
When did you decide you wanted to become authors?
TB: Well, for Guide to Pirate Parenting, it was when Cap’n Billy put his dagger next to my neck and told me I was going to write a book for him.
CB: Aye, I have a way of convincing people to see things my way.
Tell us a bit about Guide to Pirate Parenting.
TB: Mostly it was Cap’n Billy’s dagger.
CB: It’s me dream that thousands of parents raise their little powder monkeys as pirates. Then I can put together a huge crew and plunder to me heart’s content. There’s nothing more exciting than sailing with Cap’n Billy, except maybe a merchant vessel full of gold.
Did the book require a lot of research?
CB: None at all. I’ve been a pirate all me life. When I was a baby, me mother wrapped me in a sail. I teethed on hardtack. I know everything about pirating and raising pirates.
What will the reader learn after reading your book?
TB: Our book teaches parents every aspect of pirate growth and development — from baby pirate care through the teen years — so their kids can become self-respecting swashbucklers of the high seas or suburbs. It answers common questions such as:
- At what age should your child be able to remove a bottle cap by taking out his glass eye and using his eye socket as an opener?
- What’s the best place to maroon a disobedient child?
- How do you remove chewing gum or a giant octopus from your child’s hair?
- How do you convert your minivan into a pirate schooner?
- When should you smack your teenager in the side of the head with an oar?
Each information-packed section ends with “Your pirate’s progress,” a short quiz that shows whether your child is reaching his or her pirate development milestones. For example, if your son has said “I’ll need another ration of grog if you expect me to eat these peas,” or told his teacher his homework was “eaten by a giant barracuda when the family’s ship wrecked on a coral reef near the Dry Tortugas,” you’re well on your way to having a pirate in the family.
Article comments
1 - Cap'n Billy the Butcher
Ahoy matey!
I see it reads above regarding comments, "Personal attacks are not allowed." But I be a pirate and make my living by personal attacks, usually with a cannon or two and me crew. I assume all pirates are except from this policy.
Best fishes,
Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall
2 - Bob Avey
Hey, Cap'n Billy. Good luck with your tour.
Bob