What I discovered later was that most of those who were severely sick had experienced major trauma. The eating disorder was how they coped with the trauma. Their bodies were trying to express that they were in tremendous pain.
In my case, what I hadn’t realized, was my attitude about becoming female. I’d been molested as a seven year old, and had blocked it out. I had no conscious memory of it as an anorexic, but in retrospect I could see how my molestation had caused me to be disgusted with sex and that aversion extended to emotional intimacy.
My molestation was relatively mild. I’d been molested by a couple of older boys; these boys told me to keep it a secret, and not tell my parents. That was perhaps as damaging as the physical aspect. My parents had been in the house when it happened. Breaking trust with my parents, mistrust began to weave itself through my life. As a child, I began to do bizarre things. Falling into the typical pattern of children who’ve been traumatized - I broke into the house next door. Children will behave shamefully after being treated shamefully. They do this in order to make sense of their shame.
Parents blame and punish the children when they know they’ve done wrong. This is comforting in a perverse way.
How old are you today?
53
How do you keep anorexia at bay?
For one, write this new book. It goes a lot deeper though. The best way is by developing a flexible diverse identity; I use other interests as sources of satisfaction. A person with an eating disorder’s only source of satisfaction is what the scale tells her.
Closely linked to obsessive-compulsive disorders, eating disorders have strong family histories. It is thought that 60% or more of the risk is genetic. Our DNA shapes certain temperament traits that make some of us vulnerable to anorexia or bulimia. These traits are core to our personality, and we cannot simply turn them on or off, but we can learn to redirect or channel them toward interests and behaviors that are healthier and more fulfilling. In other words, we need not change who we are, but become aware of who we are at the deepest levels. By directing ourselves in ways to satisfy ourselves, we’ll feel well, rather than satisfying others and feeling bad.
Scientific research on genetics is very new, within the last 5-7 years. No prior books incorporated information about the role of genetics and eating disorders. The assumption was that culture makes us sick and anyone can get an eating disorder. This is not true now.
Your marriage unraveled. Was your anorexia part of the problem?
Article comments
1 - Natalie Bennett
This article has been selected for syndication to Advance.net , which is affiliated with newspapers around the United States, and to Boston.com. Nice work!