Attending the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College was a heartfelt dream of Noah Baird's, but alas, his grades didn't quite cut it and crushed those dreams to dust. With that dream gone, he was able to join and fly in the U.S. Navy for 14 years. That was all fine and dandy until one day the government decided that surfer dudes just didn't cut it in the career of military aviators.
Not allowing that to keep him down, Mr. Baird went on to try his hand at stand-up comedy in Hawaii for Japanese tourists (who would have known that such a small thing like a language barrier could put a really bad twist on some really killer jokes?!). On the positive side, Mr. Baird did manage to have a sailboat named after the punchline of one of his jokes.
After such endeavors, what is a man to do? Well, Noah Baird decided to try his hand at writing, where he has experienced a bit of success. Mr. Baird has published many political satire pieces in The Spoof under the pen name of orioncrew. He has also managed to squeeze in receiving his bachelor's degree in Historical and Political Sciences from Chaminade University, where he proudly graduated Magna Cum Laude.
Unfortunately, Noah Baird failed to learn anything about hoaxing bigfoot. That, however, did not stop him from writing an incredibly imaginative and gut-busting story about just that in his first novel, Donations to Clarity.
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The plan was simple: hoax bigfoot, then sell tours to bigfoot enthusiasts. The plan wasn’t brilliant, and neither were Harry, Earl, and Patch. The three chemical-abusing friends only wanted to avoid the 9 to 5 rat race, but their antics attract the attention of a real bigfoot. When the misogynistic Earl is mistaken for a female bigfoot by the nearsighted creature and captured, it is just the beginning of their problems.
The U.S. Government has a plan to naturalize the mythical creatures living within the U.S. borders. The problem is the plan needs to be carried out carefully. You can’t just drop little green men and Sasquatch in the middle of Walmart without warning Ma and Pa Taxpayer. The naturalization program is not ready to be set into motion, and the rogue bigfoot is bringing too much attention to itself, including a feisty investigative reporter who uncovers the truth of the government conspiracy and two bigfoot researchers. No longer able to contain the situation, government agents are tasked with eliminating the bigfoot and all witnesses.