Cathy Crimmins calls herself a self-confessed fag-hag who believes that if the term "queer" could be redeemed and given dignity then the word "fag-hag" too is due for rehabilitation. In the preface of her book she lets us know that she was brought up in an environment set apart from the rest of America. She grew up in an area near New Hope, Pennsylvania where the closeted culture was dominant in terms of restaurants, florists, theaters etc and was appreciated by the straight community.…
Article comments
26 - RJ
"ARE gay men less prone to violence than straights?"
Hmm.
Haven't some studies come to the conclusion that homosexual relationships are more likely to involve numerous instances of "domestic violence" than heterosexual relationships?
27 - Aaman
The NYTimes has an apposite piece up - "Gay or straight? Hard to Tell"
28 - Steve S
Haven't some studies come to the conclusion that homosexual relationships are more likely to involve numerous instances of "domestic violence" than heterosexual relationships?
Only right-wing biased reports that twist information to give the results they want. There is no correlation between attraction to a specific gender and the propensity to strike out at someone.
Isn't this an era where gay men ought to be breaking free of the stereotype that they dress well and like to decorate, and perhaps embracing a more diverse and individual sense of identity?
well, yes, but we don't necessarily need to throw the fabulousness out with the bathwater. There are enough erroneous threads put out by the Christians here, that I get to read with my morning coffee, about how we homosexuals are destroying society and are 'after their children'. It's nice to get one thread giving us a little credit for something.
It'd also be nice to see someone over there concerned with dispelling those stereotypes, rather than dispelling stereotypes where we achieve something.
I have no fashion sense, I can't dance, and for right now at least, I have to keep my daughter's hair pixie-short because I don't know how to style it at all. About the only stereotype I can think of, that I always seem to subscribe to, is the ability to make an absolutely stunning entrance. I might have nothing to say, after I have their attention, but I can still make the most stunning entrance.
29 - Nancy
ROTFLOL, Steve! Yeah, that IS a talent I share, too - hopefully yours doesn't mean coming in the door, tripping over a table and knocking everything on it smashed to the floor! I didn't have much to say after that entrance, either.
Another speculative question: why do there seem to be (proportionately) so many more gay men than lesbian women? Gay men are all over the place, it would seem, but lesbians hardly at all - or do they hide? If homosexuality is a genetic trait (which I believe it is) rather than a deliberately acquired "sin" as the religious reich insists (after all, who would deliberately put themselves thru all the abuse if they didn't have to?) I wonder if it is tied to nature kicking in when the proportion of male to female babies exceeds a certain percentage, or ditto male mortality rates declining, or what? Any studies on this that anyone knows of?
Chin up, Steve - short hair is easier to take care of: wash it and out the door. If she wants it long, she'll grow it out in high school/college just to annoy you, probably. I did.
30 - Nancy
One more stupid question/comment: how come most drop-dead gorgeous men are either priests or gay? No offense to gay bloggers out there, but what a 'waste'!
31 - Steve S
I didn't have much to say after that entrance, either.
Ooops! Actually, I think an entrance like that could be turned into a great conversation starter for an evening.
Unfortunately, in my case, I mean the actual stereotype of 'making an entrance'. Harkens back to Hollywood's Golden Era when the entrance was an art form. It's actually not the worst stereotype one could have, quite fun truthfully.
but lesbians hardly at all - or do they hide?
I think they are just themselves, but it is less noticeable to people. This society has very rigid roles for males. You really notice when someone falls outside of those 'molds'. With women, when someone falls outside of their expected role, it's less noticeable, I think so anyway.
Also, I think for women, sexuality can be more fluid. For them love and expression are not as closely entertwined with the physical as it is for males. I think women are more capable of appreciating the beauty of a gender without that necessarily having to equate with a desire to sleep with that gender.
I wonder if it is tied to nature kicking in when the proportion of male to female babies exceeds a certain percentage, or ditto male mortality rates declining, or what? Any studies on this that anyone knows of?
There are no studies that I know of, about that, but there are plenty of believers in my community, of the principle that homosexuality might be mother nature's solution to overpopulation.
I don't know if I buy that theory because I know I still got parental urges and I would think mother nature would kill that urge in people, if she was serious about population control. So I don't know.
Chin up, Steve - short hair is easier to take care of: wash it and out the door.
The other day when we were at the park, I looked at the other girls her age. It was a busy park with probably 200+ kids. Without exception, all the young girls had long hair, or are at least on the road to having long hair. There wasn't a girl her age with short hair that I could see.
I know hair is tied to identity. When I was in my 20's, I had Peter Frampton hair. It was a large part of my identity. Also, when you see people on reality shows, have to cut their hair, it can be a very traumatic event. Hair becomes a part of 'you', I can only imagine how that feeling must be amplified for a young girl. Going to a park and seeing about 200 kids and realizing that not a young girl among them has short hair is a significant realization. I almost feel I need to grow her hair long, just so she doesn't experience isolation in that aspect.
I need to find her a hairstyle that fits 'her', and then I need to learn to maintain it. I can't give her a hairstyle because it's easy for me, and then let that become part of her self-expression. What ever happened to it just being a matter of deciding if the part goes on the left, right, or in the middle? Now that I have a child, it seems like the entire balance of life can hinge on the decision.
32 - Steve S
how come most drop-dead gorgeous men are either priests or gay? No offense to gay bloggers out there, but what a 'waste'!
Of course gorgeous is subjective, I would think most gorgeous straight men are snatched up pretty quickly and so aren't on the market long.
Actually, yeah, by saying 'waste' you imply that the beauty is wasted because it's not 'available to straights', so it does come across as offensive. So I don't recommend saying that, although I know that wasn't your intent. Trust me, gorgeousness is never wasted in my community. It's actually given a free ride in many things, so it's not wasted!
33 - Silas Kain
Last I heard they weren't allowing gorgeous men into seminaries any longer.
34 - swingingpuss
Steve, you arent the only one worrying about hairstyles. I'm going to have my daughter next month and I know zilch about hair styles as all my life I had short hair and let it grow only when I became an adult.
I don't know if I'm going to do a good job with her hair especially if it's going to be thick and unmanageable like her father's.
35 - Nancy
Sorry, didn't mean any slams. Just frustration. Just like men always get long eyelashes, and they don't really need them, so to speak. Anyway....
Well, Steve, what does your daughter want? Does she express a desire for long hair? Chances are, unless it's in a real doofus cut (like a dutch boy bob like I had to wear when it was NOT the thing), she doesn't care. If she does want it longer, chances are, unless she's very young, she'll learn to fix it by hanging around her friends, if she doesn't already. LOL, when I was finally able to 'grow my own', I grew it long enough to sit on - and annoy the hell out of my parents. It was horrific to take care of, tho, so as soon as it had accomplished its goal of annoyance, I cut it off and have had it really short ever since. Wash-comb-out the door!
36 - Steve S
no need for apologies, I know it stemmed from frustration.
She's actually not yet three, but she hasn't expressed a desire for long hair. She's not really aware of her appearance yet, I mean she still has no problem if there's food in her hair.
She's not taking to playing dress up, or playing with toy make up. She wants to play baseball, she doesn't like her hair washed, she rolls around in the sand, right now short hair seems to be the way to go. I guess I just notice things like that, where all young girls her age have long hair.
I'm going to have my daughter next month and I know zilch about hair styles as all my life I had short hair and let it grow only when I became an adult.
so you had short hair as a young girl? I know that part of the reason why I think about her hair like that is because I know that she will have experiences that point out her 'differences' so I want to make sure there are also parts of her life where she will be able to relate to other girls her age in some way.
But you know, at the park, she already gravitates to older kids, she doesn't have much time for kids her age anyway, they play too slow for her, so I'm probably just worrying for nothing.
37 - Nancy
3? Oh, don't worry: you've got plenty of time yet. I thought she was 8 or 9. When she gets bothered by it & wants a change, she'll let you know in no uncertain terms. She might never care; some don't. As long as it's reasonably clean & free from gum, sticks, etc. ....
38 - Nancy
Ditto to S.Puss: they'll let you know when it's time to cross that bridge. Meanwhile just keep it whatever's user-friendly for you. Altho I do believe I've heard of books for parents about how to handle kids' hair, tho I haven't seen any myself. If the mom of her best friend won't give you any tips on how to cope, however, any decent hairstylist will. Or your mom or other female relatives or even co workers. Most people are glad to help, tho. Your problem will more likely be avoiding being overwhelmed w/'useful' advice.
39 - swingingpuss
Thanks for the tips Nancy :)
Steve, my toddler is going to turn three come October and he too prefers to play with older children. Maybe it's because they are more gentle with him and let him participate in their games.
With regards to the hair issue- a kid once told me that I looked more like a boy than a girl. I was eleven then and still remember crying the whole day.
Only then did my mom let up and let me have hairstyles which were short yet feminine.
40 - PseudoErsatz
Impressive book title. From the comments, though, it appears "Civilization" equals matching socks, a grand entrance, haircuts and the proper attribution of quotes and lingo to the gay subculture. It seems to be a stretch to imply that any of these things could save anything.
41 - Steve S
It seems to be a stretch to imply that any of these things could save anything.
well, duh. The title of the book is a twist on the religious theme of how homosexuality dooms civilization. Of course it is going to be just as far reaching in it's absurdity. It's satire. It reads just as ridiculous as the religious premises, which is what makes it so funny.
42 - Victor Plenty
Some say math ability separates us from animals. If you think about it, getting socks to match is an elementary application of binary mathematics.
Getting a whole outfit to match demonstrates a fabulous capacity to extend that basic calculation into an n-dimensional problem domain. The mortal mind reels at the dizzying number of possible combinations, but the fabulous mind instantly selects the optimal solution set.
Applying these powers to the saving of civilization is left as an exercise for the reader.
43 - RJ
Funny, VP! :)