Cable stations come and go. Reactionary political books disappear into the ether. But plays live. A play will live for as long as there are actors who wish to perform it and audiences who wish to see it.
One hundred years from now, people may not know that Bill O'Reilly existed. But, if I have my way, some of them will encounter this play, "Fair & Balanced," in which a sadistic character named "Bill O'Reilly" tortures three characters named Fair, Balanced and Ampersand nightly in his dungeon.
My goal: One thousand performances of this play before Bill O'Reilly's death, and an infinite number of performances thereafter. I want the real Bill O'Reilly to become a mere footnote that people mention as they leave the theater one hundred years from now. "Did you know that 'Bill O'Reilly' was a real person? And he was just like that, apparently."
I plan to achieve this historical result by presenting, in the fictional play, a Bill O'Reilly that is more true to the essence of Bill O'Reilly than the Bill O'Reilly that O'Reilly himself presents in his public persona. Have I managed to capture this essence?
I report. You decide.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Al Barger
Brian, you are one sick sonofabitch. What the hell is wrong with you anyway?
Good work. Very clever.
O'Reilly has really asked for it. OK, then buddy- it's ON. Yee-haw!
Go get him, Brian.
2 - Brian Flemming
Al,
I forgot to mention the character named "Al Barger."
Just kidding. But don't think it didn't cross my mind.
B
3 - Al Barger
Damn. Maybe "Al Barger" will rate his own play. I would like to think I'd be more interesting inspiration than this damned fool O'Reilly.
4 - Natalie Davis
Rock on, Bri. Thoroughly vicious stuff... Get a pet kitten. ;)
5 - mike
Brian: Is your play fair and balanced? I'm concerned that it doesn't present both sides of the story, the way they always do on O'Reilly, Hammity, and all those other great shows on Fox.
6 - Michael
Heh, political theater in a one act play. Nice (and by "nice" I mean "nasty, but in a good way") work!
Mike,
There's a 25 page excerpt on the site. I believe that if you read it, you will be well prepared to decide if it's worth the $5 to download the PDF. (It's on my "once I get a job" list.)
Brian, I sent this link to a friend of mine who's in Grad school for her MA in directing. She's going to see if she can do something with it.
7 - Natalie Davis
Wait a minute: Sodomy can be a good thing! Rape is bad; sodomy is practiced happily by millions of people from a wide variety of sexual orientations. Let's give O'Reilly a bad name, but please spare the wondrous acts that constitute sodomy.
Sodom-me, Sodom-you, uh-huh...
BTW, Bri, I believe you indeed capture the real O'Reilly. Reading that thing gave me the chills. I can imagine one day, decades hence, drama students will study Ionesco's "Leader," Moliére's "Tartuffe," Beckett's "Clov" and "Hamm," and Flemming's "Bill O'Reilly." Brian, that's such a cool idea; good on you for going for it and doing it so well.
8 - Brian Flemming
Nat,
Ooh, great idea. Maybe I'll change the name of the play to "Bill O'Reilly." I'll hold off on that move until Bill O'Reilly makes his first legal threat.
Thanks for the kind words.
Everyone should see Nat's take on F&B at her blog.
mike,
Yes, my play presents both sides. O'Reilly rapes but he also gets raped, so there's a wide spectrum represented there, I think.
Michael,
Thanks.
9 - Chris Arabia
"And that's why it was so vital that I write and market a play in which Bill O'Reilly is tortured, raped and killed."
When Flemming's saga ends with the news anchor saying, "...Flemming then turned the gun on himself," people are going to come here and ask us why we didn't warn anyone.
10 - Mac Diva
Brian kicks butt, as usual. (He is a master of the S-word.)
FTR, the accused often lose libel and trademark infringement cases at the trial level because jurors tend to be unsophisticated and easily manipulated. (Remember the ridiculous Oprah case?) Fox likely relied on such an outcome. It didn't make it out of the starting box though. And, now, great sales for the book are hammering home the message Fox should not have taken the gamble. Too bad they can't make O'Reilly pony up their legal fees, at least.
11 - Liz
Al Franken is a jerk. Wasn't he on SNL? So what intelectual authority does he have? He has to hire Harvard goons to do his dirty work. He has no balls. I bet he thinks he's a big shot now that he tried to humiliate O'Reilly. What does that say about him? That he's a jerk that treats people like shit. He calls our president and his advisor liars and says horrible things about them because he thinks he has proof of that. What a laugh. I bet he fucks Saddam Hussain. I hope he's happy when the world falls apart.
12 - Dawn
Who gets to rape Bill? Is it a prison rape? because those are the best to conjure.
I am still waiting for "The Odd Couple, 2003 - Brian Flemming and Al Barger shack up".
Classic comedy in the making.
13 - Natalie Davis
Actually, I see the play (including the rape of O'Reilly) as a warning to good people -- don't become that which you oppose or whom you hate.
BUY IT! I did; I'm glad.
Al Franken still functions occasionally as a writer for SNL. And he may indeed behave like a jerk, but he's right about the lying faux president and his lying henchpersons.
14 - Steve Rhodes
Liz, have you read Franken's book? It is hard to question his proof if you haven't even bothered to read it.
And do you think O'Reilly puts on his show by himself? He has producers and researchers. O'Reilly seems to take more pleasure in humiliating people than Franken (who thought he was a bigshot long before anyone had even heard of O'Reilly).
15 - Natalie Davis
Broke my rules, read Atrios today, and was richly rewarded for it. Talk about channelling O'Reilly...
16 - Brian Flemming
Nat,
Thanks. I didn't even know it was Talk Like Bill O'Reilly Day until I went over to Eschaton.
In honor of this wonderful day, a stripped-down version of the e-book is free.
17 - Brian Flemming
Ha ha!
Now Atrios has gone and linked it, and his, er, I mean Bill O'Atrios's commentary is hilarious.
18 - Natalie Davis
And note that O'Reilly is again shooting darts at Franken (and Howard Dean). And NOT, he insists, because of the lawsuit. Of course not.
19 - Eric Olsen
Does Bill know about Brian's efforts to have him sodomized? He is strangely silent on the matter.
20 - Brian Flemming
Just to be clear, I do NOT want anyone to sodomize or kill Bill O'Reilly in real life.
Nor do I want anyone to kill another Bill.
However, I do have a dream in which so many pro and amateur theater companies are putting on F&B that "Bill O'Reilly" is being raped and killed somewhere on the planet every single night. (Almost true of Bat Boy already.)
That's why I plan to license it with very easy terms, and eventually release it to the public domain.
21 - Eric Olsen
for which sodomists and killers everywhere will be grateful (smile)
22 - Natalie Davis
Shut up!
23 - Brian Flemming
No, YOU shut up!
24 - Natalie Davis
I wish someone would tell O'Reilly to shut up. He would be better off...
25 - Brian Flemming
Shut up!