How many books have you read with forwards that start with "STOP! DON'T BUY THIS BOOK!"? For that matter, how many cookbooks have you bought that made you laugh out loud? Same answer, I bet. In which case, blogger Steve H. Graham has a cookbook for you: Eat What You Want and Die Like a Man: The World's Unhealthiest Cookbook.
And what a cookbook it is. I confess to not having the time to make any of the recipes yet, but I'm pretty sure a lazy soul like myself can gain weight just by reading the ingredients lists. For example, one recipe has flour, potato starch, sugar (already the carb-conscious readers are cringing and reaching for their fiber bars), water, scalded milk, vanilla extract, salt, lard, and yeast. Care to guess? Yeast-raised doughnuts, of course, and indeed they have lard in them and are fried in lard. I can't wait to try them. Or howzabout flour, milk, salt, eggs, sugar, and BACON GREASE? Belgian Waffles. Ladies and gentlemen, this book is a peek into the mind of an evil genius.
Still, let's be honest, the recipes aren't the main part of this book, they simply provide the theme for humor essays. And as regular readers of Mr. Graham's blog can attest, the man is funny. Whether discussing the unsavoriness of the word "dumplings," why Eve's prototype didn't last long on earth ("Can you make one that doesn't squeak all the time?"), why Scots have a short life expectancy (mmm, fried Mars bars), or why Cubans are the "all-time unhealthy-food champions of the universe," Graham certainly has a grasp of what it takes to make me laugh. (And isn't that what's important?)
Article comments
1 - Sandra Smallson
When the F* will a smoker get the balls to write smoke as u want and die like a man/woman?! I shall keep the faith. Our day will come;)
2 - Steve H.
Thanks for the great review, Steve! I just the release of my book won't adversely impact sales of President Clinton's new The Monica Chronicles.
By the way, I forgot to put "one cup of all-purpose flour" in the brownie recipe. Not really important. If you omit it, it's just fudge.
3 - Dan Kauffman
UPDATE: I just served Steve's rib recipe to some friends (about 16 of them), and received several very-earnest-sounding compliments. I myself thought they were the best ribs I've ever had outside of a very good barbecue restaurant.
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Son speaking as someone who comes from where you find Barbecue in the Yellowpages under BARBECUE and not Restaurant, the BEST barbecue is NOT found in a restaurant but a Pit. ;-)