Book Review: Wish I Could Be There by Allen Shawn - Page 2

As a self-portrait, it is a bit like a photo cropped so that only my shadow is visible. Yet, regrettably, this is a shadow that accompanies me everywhere, indoors and out, in all weather, and probably always will.

In writing the book I came to the conclusion that the shame I originally felt at the prospect of writing it was a fear worth conquering. My hunch is that beneath the surface of even the most smoothly functioning lives (and families) there are always fissures – psychological crises, deficits, conflicts. By putting my own worst foot forward, as it were, I mean to challenge our assumptions about what a normal person is.

Shawn's investigations cover most facets of our understanding of phobias. He provides a thorough layman's introduction to brain physiology and the evolution of the fear response. He also discusses Freud's theories about anxiety and phobia as well as more modern versions of "the talking cure" such as cognitive-behavioral therapy. He then turns the analysis on himself.

"Inside us," he writes, "the past is still there, as if it were occurring now." Though his anxieties may have been inherited from a high-strung father and conditioned by an overprotective mother, they also continually reinvoke the pain of parting from his first and dearest companion, his twin, and serve as a reminder "that we are part of something vast and incomprehensible." In that respect, they are not totally unwelcome.

Shawn continues to struggle to understand and overcome agoraphobia. Most likely he always will. Wish I Could Be There is the chronicle of his struggle, a poignant account of childhood privilege and pain, and an encouraging signpost for his fellow travelers. The moral of his story, and it is a hopeful one, is this:

 …great achievements tend to come at a cost. Perhaps our best hope is to add something positive to the world and to do no great harm through our defects.

To be sure, we shouldn't be complacent about our weaknesses and should push ourselves to be useful, healthy, and fully alive. But there is no one template for a full life.

 

Article Author: emccullough

I moved to Charlottesville, Va. a couple of years ago with my husband and kids. I love to read, I’m working on becoming a better writer, and I’m thrilled to be living in a community with so many bookstores, writing groups, exciting authors, and serious …

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