I thought this book would be fun to read and review. After all, I am a single, unattached parent. I thought that I could pick up this self-help book and try one or two tricks to give my review an air of investigative reporting. If I did not find a life partner, at least I’d have some new experiences and something interesting to write about. I thought it would be a lighthearted article about a lighthearted book. I could not have been more wrong.
Written by Alisa Goodwin Snell, a licensed marriage and family therapist, Want to Marry A Good Man? is not just a simple step-by-step guide for finding a mate. This book is all about having the confidence to find a good man, the ability to recognize potentially abusive relationships, and the assertiveness to get what you want in a mate. The chapters are full of self-assessments, case studies, and therapeutic assessments to help illustrate the concepts that the author is trying to put forth. There is nothing simple about this approach – the reader has to be willing to do the work involved to discover patterns and behaviors within themselves that have led to failed relationships in the past, and to make the changes necessary for future successes. This is not what I thought I was signing up for.
The author writes from the viewpoint of being a coach for the woman who is about to enter the dating game. First of all, I hate sports metaphors. She starts by describing women who are sitting on the bleachers, walking around on the field oblivious to the hulking brute about to tackle them, and others who just don’t want to play anymore. Once you have identified where you are in this contact sport scenario, you are ready to move on.
The first part of the book is about Safety. The author encourages you to ask yourself, “What is it about this man or me that tells me I am going to be safe?” She then goes on to describe cases and scenarios where women were physically and mentally abused, raped, or had their children sexually abused by the men in their lives. She devotes so much time to describing abusive and emotionally immature men, that personally, I felt that being on the sidelines of this playing field is the smart place to be. It’s scary out there.
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