The premise is simple: you can’t change your friends, but you can change the way you deal with them. A toxic friendship can be dealt with once you understand what is going on and your contribution to it. Once you figure out your part in starting and sustaining it, you will be able to take the steps to improve it or, if it’s hopeless, get out of the relationship knowing that you did what was possible.
You would expect women, the mothers and caregivers of our society, to be especially caring and nurturing towards each other. After all, who better can understand what a woman is going through than another woman? But as most women (and men) can tell you, female friendships are so complicated that many (if any!) can’t understand what exactly is going on.
Oh, the number of times a female friend of mine said something to which I had absolutely nothing to say. This is highly unusual for someone as verbose as I am.
Which is why I have always been baffled by the way women act towards each other, and how, in an era where woman have so many more rights, we seem to be held down more by each other than by men. How many times do we worry about what a man thinks about what we are wearing versus what a woman thinks?
On top of that, we live in a society that thrives on off the roof drama. And so, women’s fights are often encouraged and even enabled. This makes books such as Toxic Friends all the more important, as they help us identify the real issues at hand, understand them, and rise above such pettiness.
The tone of the book is that of a curious and systematic investigation of what types of women exist. It is based on various essays on the topic as well as a study the author did. A strong point is that the book is explorative in nature and in tone; rather than preaching a truth to readers, it invites them to join in the journey of figuring out what toxic friendships are about, who plays which role and how it can be dealt with.
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