I can’t begin to tell you how often I wonder what possesses the men in my life to think, say, feel, and act the way they do. When it comes to this perplexity, I know I’m not alone. Without a doubt, countless other women share my sentiments. So when I was given the opportunity to read The Secret Lives Of Men: What Men Want You To Know About Love, Sex, and Relationships, I jumped at the offer. Excitedly, I reveled in the possibility that finally the mysteries of the male mind would be disclosed to me (and to anyone else who is interested as well).
Contending that men want to be understood and have better connections with the important people in their lives, Christopher Blazina, Ph.D., the author, provides insight into why males behave the way they do and offers suggestions on how caring and concerned significant others can help their guys discover, unlock, and affirm their finest personas. Drawing on his extensive background and many years of expertise as a licensed psychologist, professor, author of the well-read academic text The Cultural Myth Of Masculinity, as well as being the writer of over 25 scholarly articles on the psychology of men and masculinity, Dr. Blazina supplies the acumen for this subject matter.
In the first chapter of Secret Lives the concept of The Ten Commandments Of Growing Up Male is introduced. This list of rules that Dr. Blazina believes most men abide by are, (1) There is only one way to be a man, (2) Fear the feminine, (3) Men must funnel all of their feelings into sex or aggression, (4) Affection is always associated with sex, (5) Boy society is based on power, strength, and paranoia, (6) A boy needs a male role model or his sense of being a man is flawed, (7) If your father is rejecting, you must learn to please him, (8) If you don’t please your mother, you must marry someone like her, (9) Being a man is a 24/7 job, and (10) A man must follow the commandments even if it causes him to be emotionally stunted or leads him off track.
An interesting blend of assumptions that many males are brought up to believe and live by, Dr. Blazina addresses each of these “commandments” thoroughly, explaining the negative implications they carry throughout life. Clarifying the material are wonderfully personal anecdotes, stories, and examples of how these are portrayed in the popular culture.