You probably know couples who complain about "not getting any". Well, do you want to prevent your marriage or committed partnership from becoming low-sex-no-sex ? You can.
As a marital therapist for decades, I know that couples often sow the subtle seeds for broken emotional and sexual intimacy long before they feel their relationship breakdown. If you want to build a plan to preserve and strengthen healthy emotional and sexual closeness or regain lost affection and action between the sheets, consider reading Sex Comes First, 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship…Without Leaving Your Bedroom, by Joel D. Block, Ph.D. and Kimberly Dawn Neumann.
In the beginning of most relationships, physical attraction and newness fuel the romantic and sexual fire in couples. But that fire naturally shifts as relationships continue and couples deal with the everyday routines and normal life struggles. An alternate source for that romantic and sexual fire must come from within the relationship itself. The authors of Sex Comes First identify ways that, simultaneously, sexual intimacy can strengthen emotional intimacy, which can strengthen sexual intimacy, which can strengthen emotional intimacy...and so on — in a mutually reinforcing pattern.
Professionally speaking, clients frequently report to me how one person needs emotional intimacy first before desiring sexual intimacy and the reverse pattern holds true for the other partner. Unless both areas of closeness are worked on together as the authors suggest, couples can become stalemated in their search for intimacy with each other.
Block and Neumann tackle the tough subject of sex directly. At the conclusion of each chapter of their book, they offer sexually oriented exercises — called "Sexual Solution(s)" -- to restore or maintain a healthy sex life between committed partners. Many of the exercises are sexually explicit, while others are discussion-oriented, sensual, relationship building, and clarifying.
This is a self-help book. As a therapist and life coach, I offer caution about what will likely not be helpful. While the information presented is insightful and practical, the exercises may not be appropriate and could present a high-level risk for persons with unresolved sexual abuse or trauma, mental health problems, and/or sexual health issues. And under all circumstances, any exercise selected must have the full agreement and acceptance of both partners. Any pressure for participation in a specific exercise from one partner to the other will wipe out or at least reduce the possibility of being helpful — and could introduce a level of harm to the relationship or individual.
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