Though Drexler states that gender doesn't determine the quality of a person's parenting, she paints fathers in a negative light.
Raising boys without men: Benefit to society or slap in the face to fathers?…
"A sinister cabal of superior writers."
Book Review: Raising Boys Without Men by Peggy Drexler - Comments Page 2
Article comments
26 - T A Dodger
They want to take some of the burden off the moms. This would automatically reduce some of their stress. Child abuse would go down.
Acutally, on second thought, I don't know if it would automatically reduce the rate of child abuse. It might just decrease child abuse by women while increasing child abuse by men. And when you take into account that men are stronger and more likely to cause injury....
I'm not saying this is a reason to favor mothers over fathers, I'm just saying we can't say for sure what effect changing custody laws would have on the overall rate of child abuse. There are too many factors.
That said, I think what the effect on abuse rates you describe is perfectly logical and possible, since presumably niether parent would feel as stressed by the responsabilities of child rearing.
It's just really hard to preduct that kind of effect because there are too many unknowns.
Sorry, just thinking out loud here
27 - Jim Untershine
I must commend you Teri on your wherewithal to read this book in the first place. The title of the book only begs the question "How does a single mother or lesbian couple define an exceptional man?".
Is the title supposed to lend credence to the concept of excluding a father from raising his own son, or is it to celebrate the fact that women who hate men can finally perpetuate themselves if they can coax a heterosexual man into having unprotected sex with them or by purchasing a man's seeds to grow their own child.
The sinister underpinnings of the single mom / gay marriage / gay parent empowerment campaign revolves around the divorce industry and their attempt to keep parents walking into Family Court. Show the Family Court a child and 2 parents and they will maximize the cash flow between them by denying custody of the child to the breadwinning parent regardless of gender, lifestyle, religion, or race.
Was this propaganda paid for by the divorce industry?
Jim Untershine, www.gndzerosrv.com
28 - T A Dodger
Jim,
All lesbians hate men?
All women who want to have children hate men?
Those of us who support the rights of gay people to parent their children and formalize their relationships are just trying to "feed the divorce industry?"
According to your website, NOW is a terrorist organization?
Misogynists like you are the reason feminists can't get behind the fathers' rights movements. It should be a discussion about equality, and I think some people are genuinely trying to make it that. People like you make it about re-asserting partriarchy.
29 - T A Dodger
The second line should have been:
"All single women who want to have children hate men?"
30 - Jim Untershine
T&A
Maverick = "An independent individual who does not go along with a group or party"
A maverick mom is a female parent who chooses to break the rules - to hate the father of her child enough to deny him the right to help raise his own son. This book's author wishes to promote this concept and attempts to suggest that sons are all the better for it. Do you agree?
Lesbians don't hate men? Gay parents grow children to formalize their relationship? Gay parents will formalize their relationship when one of them decides to go to family court and forces the breadwinning partner to pay 25% of their net income for 18 years to the other partner to support a child that may not be biologically theirs.
NOW is not a terrorist organization? The National Organization for Women accused the California Family Courts of being corrupt when breadwinning parents (who happened to be women) were denied custody of their children. NOW is a supremacist organization (not equality), they will sacrifice their own to push their agenda and grab federal funding.
Parents are trying to feed the divorce industry? The divorce industry is trying to feed on parents. Don't help fathers shut down Family law because of their rights - shut it down for your rights and those of your children.
31 - Karl Hindle
What is a child's paramount family right ?
I would argue it is the right to both parents in their lives.
Raising children single handed is for many the only option, but for far too many sole parenting is a conscious decision in which the child's interests do not factor and that is inherently wrong and deeply disturbing.
Raising exceptional children is something as parents we all do - every child is exceptional, each is unique. These children here are no more exceptional than your children or mine.
As a caring society, the interests of children must come before all else and that includes those children this world has yet to see.
Evry child has a right which should be inalienable - a right to their mother and to their father.
A feel good expose is not a justification for the proliferation of single parenting....the children must come first.
Karl
32 - Wonder_Woman
I advocate for the children. I have never said being a single mother is a thing to be guilty of. I'm a single mother! I've raised 4 children, 3 of whom have been abandoned by their dads. I've seen how it hurt and harmed them to not have their father's influence.
Between which of your children's 4 fathers were you actaully a single mother? You've had 4 children by 4 different fathers wasn't that what you said Teri?
My son told me at the age of 14 the reason he had been in a street gang for 2 years was, "because I don't have my dad in my life and I needed to learn how to be a man." So...don't try to tell me I don't understand this issue.
[edited] I know many single mothers and fathers that raise their children sucessfully. They are dedicated to their children and are not out on the prowl looking for a new mate and producing more children. Bringing new partners in and out of children's lives is not good for the kids. [edited]
33 - wonder_woman_usa_1
Raising boys without men? Do these women live on menless islands? Do they not have fathers, brothers or male friends to provide male role models for their sons? Just because a boy doesn't have a father to take interest in his life, doesn't mean he has to grow up without good male role models. I am sure most single mothers have males somewhere in their son's life.
34 - tom porter
Dear wonder woman..(janet)
We all know you're a parenting hero.
[edited]
there is overwhelming support for Teri as she is a mom not a slob looking for forgivness for abanndoning her kids and their dad for a cheap thrill.
noone is perfect not me not Teri but should'nt you try to come up with at least ONE redeeming quality as a human being before questioning another?
[edited]
my pity
Tom
35 - Wonder_Woman
Yes, and that right there is proof of the imbalance. Fathers are begging for more time with their children. They want to take some of the burden off the moms. This would automatically reduce some of their stress. Child abuse would go down.
Teri
Three of your children's dads didn't do much begging, did they Teri?
36 - Wonder_Woman_Usa_1
Tom,
Since we had all that internet sex, as you claim, I would like to inform you that you are now the proud father of a ten pound resistor, and I am now in the process of getting an order for a DNA test on you and seeking child support.
WW
37 - Wonder_Woman
At one time that young mother could have been me.
At one time that young mother was you Teri, or have you forgotten?
I have made many disparaging comments about my ex-husbands, and I felt completely justified in doing so.
Comments like loser and deadbeat dad Teri?
All three of the men had let me down in one way or another, and it made sense to place blame when I spoke about my divorces.
[edited]
They weren't my fault; after all, they were always my ex-husbands' fault.
Yes, of coarse Teri none of your failed marriages were your fault were they?
That's what I liked to say at least. That's what I needed to believe.
I have experienced a phenomenon within my own family that I have now learned is common, tragic, and very often avoidable. I'm talking about the phenomenon of the fatherless child. Three of my children are in that 40 percent, the kids who never see their dads. They had fathers who it seemed, simply walked out of their lives. The thing to note is that of the four men, it was the three who I divorced, the three who had to deal with the family court system
The Teri court system!
and the state child support enforcement who went missing, not the man who fathered a child with me when we were both unmarried, who wrote a parenting plan with me without involving the court system.
Yeah this poor guy took the easy route and paid you child support while accepting your terms and the visitation you allowed him to have.
I've successfully co-parented with that man for 18 years.
Yes, on your terms it seems.
So what happened to the men I married and divorced? Why were they the ones who walked? It wasn't like they were never in their children's lives. These were the men who attended childbirth classes with me, who walked the floor, changed diapers, and played with our babies. We were thrilled to have children together and co-parented successfully while we were married. What exactly had happened during the divorce? Everything changed. The relationships between my children and their fathers disintegrated.
[edited] We would all love to hear from them. Why don't you pose as one of your ex's again and tell us all how wonderful you are and what a scumbag they were?
At the time, all I knew was that I had divorced men who had deserved it, as far as I was concerned, and they were proving exactly how bad they were by abandoning their children. My only choice, as I saw it then, was to be the best single mom I could be;
[edited]
to fill in the gaps, to play both parental roles, to make sure as best I could that my kids felt loved and wanted. I chose a career that allowed me to work from home.
In home daycare. While collecting child support/welfare checks?
I supported my family and provided my children the benefits of a stay-at-home mother.
Good little feminist, who needs a man?
But while I was enjoying close relationships with my children I also knew they were missing something. I resented my ex-husbands for rejecting them, and for any disadvantages they experienced by not having two parents in their lives.
So I went out and found another man and made more babies with him!
Those kids deserved another cheerleader on their team. So if the name of one of my ex-husbands came up in conversation I did not hesitate to use a term like "the loser."
Rah! Rah! Give me a L! Give me an O! Give me a S! Give me a E! Give me an R! Whats that spell kiddies? DADDY!
Ms Stoddard when do you take any responsibility for what you put your children through? Now you have the nerve to portray yourself as the champion of fathers rights? Now you have the gall to portray yourself as the Queen of Equality? Your track records stinks.
38 - T A Dodger
[edited] We would all love to hear from them. Why don't you pose as one of your ex's again and tell us all how wonderful you are and what a scumbag they were?
Have you considered that maybe there is NEVER an excuse for abandoning one's children???
39 - wonder_woman
Have you considered that maybe there is NEVER an excuse for abandoning one's children???
Most certainly! My ex husband was a non custodial father. After being beaten down, falsely accussed of molesting his daughter, he just gave up! I am sure there are many non custodial fathers that can relate. Sometimes an ex can be such a vindictive b**ch that some fathers feel its easier on them and the children if they just dissappear altogether.
40 - Temple Stark
This comment thread seems like a whole group of strangers moved in, started a conversation begun elsewhere and the rest of us are left clueless.
To be honest, the review feels the same way.
The book seems close to useless, if only because the mothers in the book were not typical. That's almost the entirety I got from the review, and I agree.
-Temple, as a reader, not an editor.
41 - Teri In Cali
Hi Temple,
Parents who miss their children can be very passionate about their loss. I'm grateful they have a way to express their pain. And yes, there are some people who are afraid of change and who fight our cause. There are also people who lost their kids by their own doing and who can't forgive themselves, taking it out on others. I hate seeing families hurting like this. There doesn't need to be so many families torn apart by archaic laws.
Teri
42 - Teri In Cali
Janet/Wonder Woman,
You are commenting on another one of my articles. This one is about the book Raising Boys Without Men.
Teri
43 - IgnatiusReilly
the heck with the kids. let's see the topless puctures.
44 - wonder_woman
the heck with the kids. let's see the topless puctures.
LOL!!!! Ask Tom Porter to send them to you! (.)(.)
Wonder Boobies ;)
45 - Wonder_Boobies
You are commenting on another one of my articles. This one is about the book Raising Boys Without Men.
I was tying in your past article with your present comments on raising children as a (sometimes)single mom.
Wonder Boobies (.)(.)
46 - Wonder_Boobies
I know how to, raise men. ;)
47 - T A Dodger
I know how to, raise men.
Even though you don't know how to use commas.
48 - RogerMDillion
The comma was used correctly. She's obviously trying to create a pause in the way the sentence is to be read.
49 - reality
"I was tying in your past article with your present comments on raising children as a (sometimes)single mom."
How typical. How many artificial "daddies" have you had in your childrens lives?"
a REAL Father is irreplacable.
50 - T A Dodger
Roger,
The comma was used correctly. She's obviously trying to create a pause in the way the sentence is to be read.
This is really unimportant (and obviously I was just being snarky), but I have to say: no, the comma wasn't correct.
You should never seperate the subject of your sentence from its verb with just one comma, no matter how much you want your reader to pause.
See this site for details.
Here's how they put the rule:
Never use a comma that would separate the subject from the predicate.
"The Senate Sub-Committee for Indian Affairs decided that the government should give control of Indian programs to the tribes."
A comma after "Affairs" might seem like a good ideas but would separate the subject from the predicate.
51 - wonder_woman
How typical. How many artificial "daddies" have you had in your childrens lives?"
Just one daddy. I don't believe in having children with more than one partner. Also, I do not think that bringing one man after another, into your children's lives, does much for the kids. Once you have kids, its not about what you want anymore. My ex was a nc father. I was married to him 18 years, we had 4 children before he decided to end the marriage. I did all I could, to help him keep contact with his children in UK from his first marriage. I did succeed in reuniting him with his daughter. Its ironic that he committed all the same abuses on me and our children, that his first wife committed against him. I am pleased to say thats all behind us now though. We co parent successfully. : )
52 - wonder_woman
Its there because I wanted it that way. Author's privilage! :P
53 - RogerMDillion
T A,
save your English lesson for other "writers" on this site. The rule you quote has nothing to do with this incident, and a comma after "Affairs" doesn't seem like a good idea.
Read the sentence out loud; the pause is used for comedic effect.
You probably shouldn't read the poetry of cummings or "All the Pretty Horses" by Cormac McCarthy.
54 - T A Dodger
Roger,
Wow. Calm down.
I was just giving womder_woman a hard time. She seems to have taken my weak jab pretty calmly.
You're the one who decided to claim that the structure of that sentence was correct, which it wasn't.
Oh, and wasn't that you telling ryan he's lucky we don't give people the death penalty for bad spelling and grammar in comment 41 on this thread? I thought so.
55 - wonder_woman
Giving me a HARD time Todger? Oh goodie! ;)
56 - RogerMDillion
I am calm and WW's sentence was correct as written. That's what made your jab weak. The rule you refer to has nothing to do with dialogue, which has its own set of rules.
In reference to cryin' ryan, which has nothing to do with this incident, his post is poorly written. Posts have more prominence and their quality reflects on the site. They can also be corrected by the author whereas a comment can't be.
And the actual quote is, "Lucky for Ryan there's no death penalty for spelling and grammar. I had to abort reading this post because there were too many errors in it."
It was in reference to his comment that "It would also be cheaper if we gave every criminal the death penalty."
57 - T A Dodger
The rule you refer to has nothing to do with dialogue, which has its own set of rules.
Then we just have treat posts on the internet differently. I treat them as writing; you treat them (or some of them, anyway) as a sort of trascription of the spoken word. I guess that's a fair difference of opinion...
P.S.
This is, by far, the most ridiculous internet disagreement I have ever been a party to.
58 - Michael J. West
I COMPLETELY agree that this argument is ridiculous, not to mention completely irrelevant to the topic.
That said, I'm a professional editor and can't help but weigh in on it.
I am calm and WW's sentence was correct as written. That's what made your jab weak. The rule you refer to has nothing to do with dialogue, which has its own set of rules.
Dialogue does not have its own set of grammatical rules and WW's sentence was not correct as written. A comma splice is a comma splice, dialogue or no. If WW wanted a pause, she should have used an ellipsis.
59 - bhw
Totally irrelevant, indeed.
But I teach writing and can't help but weigh in on it. 8-)
The sentence is incorrect as written, but the problem is not a comma splice or a comma between the subject and verb. (Comma splices separate two independent clauses.) The problem in this case is a comma between the two halves of an infinitive verb.
Okay, back to your regularly scheduled ranting about shrews who use the courts steal children and money from innocent, unsuspecting men.
60 - Michael J. West
Well, at least we all agree that the comma is the problem. :-)
61 - T A Dodger
The problem in this case is a comma between the two halves of an infinitive verb.
Wait... "to raise" is all together on one side of the comma. Is "how" part of the infinitive for some reason?
62 - bhw
Comment 46 has the comma between "to" and "raise."
I know how to, raise men.
63 - Karl Hindle
I, am, laughing, my, butt, off !
The second American Civil War commenced over punctuation....[pause].....come on guys you all speak American anyway ;-)
frome ye olde countrie - anglelande
Karl aka unpunctuated stuffy pompous Brit
64 - Michael J. West
Now if ever there was a war that was truly "civil," it would be a war over comma placement. :-D
65 - bhw
Thank you for putting that comma inside the quotation mark, Michael.
Now, who's going to tell that stuffy British guy that it's 3 dots in an ellipsis, not 4? ;-)
66 - T A Dodger
Comment 46 has the comma between "to" and "raise."
Oops, you're absolutely right. :)
67 - Teri In Cali
Wow. Boy am I glad my comma placements are okay. And I thought parents losing custody of children was wrong. Now I have my priorities right, thank goodness. lol
68 - T A Dodger
Now I have my priorities right, thank goodness. lol
Never underestimate the draw of a good comma fight.
69 - wonder_woman
Wow. Boy am I glad my comma placements are okay. And I thought parents losing custody of children was wrong. Now I have my priorities right, thank goodness. lol
What is wrong with this paragraph class?
You may have your commas in the right place but your grammer and sentence structure leaves much to be desired. Its a good thing you have educated journalist friends to correct your blog articles before you post them.
70 - Michael J. West
Which paragraph? Both of them have errors.
71 - wonder_woman
Oh NO!
72 - R. E. Flair
Well, after skipping over alot of hog wash some people wrote, I'll comment on wether I think kids
need both parents or not. My mother, who is 48 now, started having kids when she was 16, 4 boys
me being the oldest. She raised all 4 of us boys on her on and we didn't have any father what so ever in are lives. She done jobs I bet some wouldn't do just to put food on the table and shoes on are feet, even if it meant she done with out. She taugth us to work hard and treat others
like we would like to be treated and that if you
ain't got nothing good to say don't say nothing.
73 - Lary Holland
Teri,
This was a spectacular review of the book that generated lots of feedback on both sides of the fence. Ultimately, there is no refuting that a child benefits from the experience of both parents, and unless one parent is truely unfit, there should be no question of presumed equal custody.
I and alot of others appreciate your efforts in showing us that a lot of propaganda exists that is shaping today's public policy. When it boils down to the bottom line, Justice used to be blind, but then it found a lot of money in the divorce industry with its attorney kin. Justice needs to be blind and not look at the color of skin or the gender of the sexes and issue rulings based on Equal presumptions. Remove the money from the equation and you have removed the greed and the constant fighting. Thank you for your help and efforts in reforming a system bent on profiting from the destruction of families.
Lary Holland
http://www.laryholland.org
http://360.yahoo.com/frcmichigan
http://standuptoday.blogspot.com