Paul Thorson with Painting In The Dark has wrecked me - in a good way. The book knocked me first with this question: "What is the truest thing about me?" (p.8) Since that time, I've finished reading, and it has been able to stretch and challenge me into the depths of what's usually forbidden territory, inside of me.
Thorson shares his own story, his own testimony, his own journey of how God has molded him into who he is today and probably prepared him for what's to come ahead. As a teacher, missionary, and church-planter in the Ukraine, one is supposed to have all the answers figured out to all the questions - but sadly, but rightly I think, this isn't true. And his own realization of this comes out through his words.
King Solomon, the wisest man of his day, writes. "As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he" (Prov 23:7, nkjv) How do I think "right" thoughts about myself in my heart and quiet the voices that rumble around in my head? How can I keep myself from allowing people who are just as insecure as I am to pass judgment as to whether or not I have value as a person? It's crazy to give others so much power over me, but I do. and the way I think about myself is often the window through which others see me.... Sometimes I seem to have only glimpses of truth, only snatches and phrases of disconnected realities. but my soul craves something or someone infinitely more satisfying. (pp. 21-22)I was told that I was loved as I was, not as I should be. That my selfishness and foolishness weren't the worst things about me. What was the worst thing that could be said about me? I had stared into the face of perfection and sneered. What an ugly image. I never remember hating God. I disdained Him through my indifference to Him. Yet He still loved me...God wasn't asking me to understand it; He was asking me to believe it! To believe it not out of a blind faith, but to believe it because of what I knew about Him and in spite of what I knew about me. (p. 26, 28)
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Article comments
1 - Portrait Artist
I was once a devotee. I was a very obedient Christian. Because of my good deeds I was so confident that He will never punish me. But then my all-so-simple life became so tragic when He got my parents one after the other.
Now I find it so hard to trust in Him again. I can’t even picture him our inside my mind. I wanted so much to think that these are just challenges but then I already find it hard to go near Him again. I can’t pray. I can’t even simply tell him what I need.
Can you recommend the book to me?
John