Book Review: Honey Don't by Tim Sandlin

"Short blondes named Honey either grow up perky or commit suicide." Pull off an assassination for some real multi-tasking as the namesake, gift-of-giving free-spirit in Tim Sandlin's raucous and rollicking dark romp Honey Don't gets caught in flagrante presidente by her boyfriend Jimmy Sebastiano, a trigger-happy and hapless sociopath of a Mafia bagman, who, as ill-luck would have it, has just gainfully bagged some highly coveted ill-gotten gain.

And now this. What isn't clear, however, is whether Jimmy actually shot the randy prez, or whether the commander-in-briefs just tripped over his own ankle-tangled bikini thong, taking a fatal nose-dive into a cast-iron flamingo.

In any case, before he can protest-too-much that he did not have sexual relations with that woman or be able to ponder the essence of "is," he ain't. Before being stuffed into an easily transportable beanbag chair, the body impolitic is crammed into a kitchen freezer for safekeeping. For a better fit in the procrustean bed, of sorts, that he has made for himself, the head of the head of state is cut off.

Not his most presidential look. Not that it matters for the time being as the embarrassed administration and the bungling Secret Service, themselves caught with their metaphoric pants down, attempt some pre-emptive damage control. In the attempt to reclaim the leader of the free world's ransomed head or body or parts thereof, their efforts at face-saving (quite literally) sees a mad scramble and increasingly tangled web of subterfuge, secret negotiations, little White House lies and Oval Office whoppers, while at the same time pursuing Mafia henchmen have their sights set on cash-and-carry Jimmy.

Meanwhile, come-hither Honey, whose "eyes promised life" and who is wildly adept at wrapping people around any one of her fingers, not only has her hooks set in Jimmy, who only thinks he's running the show while on the run, but has also led astray her bulky, balking ex-boyfriend turned gay pro-football player, and a down-on-his-luck reporter relegated to the "usual movie-star drivel" but now embedded and emboldened and ready for the story of his suddenly revived career.

Article Author: Gordon Hauptfleisch

Gordon Hauptfleisch is a Blogcritics Books Editor, freelance writer, and book reviewer for San Diego Union Tribune Books (R.I.P.). For many years he worked in and managed bookstores and record stores, and most recently was purchasing manager for San Diego Technical Books. …

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