Then there’s the bit about hiring some bikers to go after General Hospital’s Jack Wagner. Yes, really. And Richard Pryor? “It never even came to my mind that Richard was black and my mom was white. I’ve never cared about important shit like that.” My favorite ‘celebrity sighting’ is the casual mention of a younger band on the cusp. From November 1987:
I’m going over to see Slash and the guys…they join the tour tonight.” “Guns N’ Roses was awesome last night…Anyway, I think they’re going to be huge but what do I know? I thought the same about the Ramones.
For as many nasty rocker boy war stories, there are the real killers, when Nikki Sixx is at his most deluded, strung out and — as he’d put it — fucked up. His private (okay, maybe not so private) anguish that came after doing coke usually involved a strangling paranoia. Sixx would get so freaked he was convinced his house was under surveillance or attack by all manner of police, military, or some sort of drug fueled bogeymen. Many nights that began with a few lines ended up with Sixx in his closet (his private insane drug den) with his journal and a loaded shotgun. Heroin would ease the jittery paranoia, but at an extraordinary price.
When I’m losing my mind, the only thing that can save me is heroin. I love the ritual of heroin. I love the smell and the way it looks when it goes into the needle…I love the moment just before I push…Then I’m under that warm blanket once again, and I’m perfectly content to love there for the rest of my life. Thank God for heroin…it never lets me down.
He adds, “I’m off the methadone, it didn’t work.”
Sixx wasn’t the first entertainer to bring his personal torment to print and he won’t be the last. Even his history that led up to his drug years and acting out was not terribly unusual, horrifying, or unique, but that’s not to say his past didn’t contribute to his addiction and depression. As he explained in his introduction, he would have found drugs, even without the band and the fame.
People over the years have tired to soften the blow by saying maybe being in Mötley Cruë turned me into an addict…but I don’t think it did. That stroke of genius was all my own work. Even as a kid, I was never inclined to dodge a bullet....I was stubborn, strong-willed and always willing to put myself in harm’s way for the betterment of chaos, confusion and rebellion – all the traits that made me famous and later infamous. The ingredients for success and failure wrapped up in a nice package with the emotional stability of a Molotov cocktail. When I moved to LA in the late ‘70s and discovered cocaine, it only amplified these charming characteristics.
Perhaps though, Sixx would have cleaned up faster if his entourage made his well-being a priority instead of cash. Rock ‘n rollers seldom had an E.A.P. (Employee Assistance Program) in the mid ‘80s. Even as today’s steroid-tainted ball players are contending, sometimes management is all about profit and turn blind eyes to what is really going on. Don’t ask; don’t tell.