Jerry B. Jenkins, co-author of the Left Behind series of books, provides valuable advice that many men need to hear in Hedges: Loving Your Marriage Enough To Protect It. First published in 1989 as Hedges, then in 2000 as Loving Your Marriage Enough To Protect It, this revision and expansion (the book now includes a Study Guide as well as a DVD) was perhaps inevitable given the runaway popularity of Jenkins’s other books.
Much of the advice in this book is nothing new to me, having listened to Dr. Laura for years. Like Dr. Laura, Jenkins is very big on appearances and avoiding situations that could easily lead to temptation. Jenkins refers to these as “hedges:” easy-to-remember and practical rules that can forestall temptation and give you an easy escape route if temptation rears its head. These common-sense rules include never being alone with a woman besides your wife, never flirting with other women (or stopping the instant you realize that’s what you’re doing), and paying only the mildest of compliments to women besides your wife. In case anyone doubts that these hedges are needed, he offers plenty of examples of marriages of people he has known, ruined by ignoring the lines these hedges are designed to protect. As befits a Christian writer, he also provides a biblical basis for much of the advice. Especially fitting is his explanation of 2 Timothy 2:22,
“Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
This forms the basis for his notion of “hedges” against temptation. I admit that I was amused when I first read it, but it makes sense and I’m not theologically equipped to second-guess it:
“We are to run. To flee. To get out. To get away. Why? […] In other areas, God grants us victory. We can win over jealousy, a bad temper, greed, and even pride. […] Clearly there are times when we are stronger than at other times. So what are we to do when temptation rages? If we are weak and have not taken precautions, we have already failed. The only answer is to plan, to anticipate danger, to plot the escape. The time to plant hedges is before the enemy attacks.”
Jenkins focuses solely on adulterous temptation in this book; he mentions but gives short shrift to the idea that other marriages might need other hedges. He also paints a perhaps unintentionally comic self-portrait of Alpha Male Jerry, staring down men who cross lines in the sand with his adored wife, such as being overly flirtatious or even noticing her a little too obviously. I find that a little scary, which is perhaps the way Jenkins likes it. (Jenkins also indulges a great deal of adulatory talk of his wife, even sharing the story of their courtship.) I would have liked to see some examples of hedges against destructive behaviors that do not focus on the sexual. But that’s perhaps another book. Jenkins challenges us to cultivate our own hedges.
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