I don't want to spoil all the surprises in this invaluable book, but I can't resist divulging a couple more fun findings. Here's one: If you want to greatly increase your statistical odds of finding a successful new partnership, you have to stop blaming your ex. Dr. Orbuch found that the singles who held on to a lot of bitterness, regret, grief, or anger were not nearly as likely to find love again as those who were able to take a c'est la vie attitude with a statement such as, "We grew apart," or "It just wasn’t a good match."
Also, she found that when divorced singles made just one significant change in their life — it could be anything from joining a gym to working less — they were twice more likely to find a successful new relationship than those who clung to their existing lifestyle. Change is good! I love this tip.
Orbuch groups her findings into six main steps, or strategies, so readers can work on one type of behavioral change at a time. These include the most effective ways to get rid of your emotional baggage — all that junk that you really hope not to bring into a new love relationship the second time around. This is where Dr. Orbuch's experience as a psychologist and relationship adviser really kick in. She offers smart, nonjudgmental guidance for singles who want to get out of a self-sabotaging behavioral pattern but don't know how to do it.
I love her "21-day Action Plan," a great motivator for singles who are convinced they'll never find anyone. It's kind of a boot camp for the brokenhearted. She also offers tips on how to figure out whom you should really be dating and why, how to take risks with people, and ways to avoid awkward, cringe-worthy dating disasters.
Yes, you can find love again, no matter how old you are or how terrible your previous marriage was. Dr. Orbuch will show you how to change your attitude and unhelpful habits, untangle your biases and unrealistic expectations, reconnect with your priorities and values, and take a big step out into the dating scene.
This is an upbeat, extremely helpful book by someone who has studied how real singles navigate their way to happiness the second time around.