Book Review: Christopher Moore's You Suck

In all relationships there comes a time when you have to figure out matters of etiquette. It's no different for Tommy and Jody, with only some slight deviations. For instance: who gets to feed first off the 35-pound shaved cat isn't something most couples have to worry about.

No not the eat the cat, you sicko, that would be gross, just suck enough blood from his veins to keep them alive, and satiate their blood lust. They're only vampires, for goodness sake, not some cheap thrill Satanists who get their jollies out of mutilating pets. I mean if they had meant the cat any harm would they have gone to all the trouble of shaving him? (And you don't know trouble until you've tried to shave a 35-pound cat who doesn't want to be shaved. Let's just say that a lot of duct tape was used in the end and it's a good thing that vampires have great healing powers.)

The problem is that neither of them are that keen on finding human prey. Tommy doesn't even know that Jody has taken humans before (see the novel Bloodsucking Fiends for details of Jody's "kills" ) and even though she only took the terminally ill then, it still doesn't sit right with her either. But Chet, the naked or hairless cat, is only a temporary solution to their problem and they are really going to need a consistent supply of blood in order to keep, er… umm… alive?

Little do they know that very soon they are going to look back on having to chase a huge pissed-off cat covered in shaving cream around their loft apartment with fondness as one of the good times. Of course they have more immediate problems they have to deal with, but there are also some doozies on the horizon they can't know about.

One of the first things they have to do is replace Tommy. No not literally of course, but get someone to fill his original job description of – do everything I can't during the daylight hours for me will you – better known in their circles as a minion. (Not to be confused with a minyen the number of people needed, or if your conservative about it number of men, to do anything official in a synagogue.)

Who better then a servant of the dark, even though she's 16 and her mascara tends to run more than it should (and has this perky thing happening which she does her best to suppress) named Abby Normal to fill the job? Once she gets over wanting to be converted and brought, like, you know officially into the dark side of life, and stops exposing her neck every time she sees Tommy and bowing to Jody, she turns out to be a better find than they could have thought possible.

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Article Author: Richard Marcus

Richard Marcus is the author of the forthcoming book What Will Happen In Eragon IV? and has had his work published in print and on line all over the world. The not so long-haired Canadian iconoclast writes reviews and opines on the world as he sees …

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