Book Review: Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore

Have you ever felt like your life should have come with a manual? Jody does, or a least she should have something that would help her deal with what's she's gone through in the past couple of days. She's broken up with her boyfriend, which has also left her homeless, lost her job, leaving her without a source of income, and had her car impounded.

To top it all off, she woke up and found herself lying underneath a dumpster with her hand burnt to a crisp. The plus side is she is somehow able to lift the dumpster off her, and whoever put it on top of her has also stuffed her blouse with about $100,000. The last thing she remembers is being attacked by some guy who not only bit her neck, but also made her drink blood from his arm.

Oh! Maybe there's an explanation as to how she was able lift the dumpster off so easily, and why the burn on her hand is healing so fast. The hand that was sticking out from under the dumpster all day as she lay with two tons of garbage and metal on top of her. The hand that was burnt because it was exposed to daylight: bite in the neck, blood sucking, and burning in daylight.

Isn't that just a great way to top off a shit week. She's now officially undead, a vampire, or as the title of Christopher Moore's 1995 book would put it. Jody has joined the ranks of the Bloodsucking Fiends. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for all the unexpected drawbacks.

The problem is the movies; they make it look so glamorous, fancy dress, beautiful people, sex, and blood sucking. They don't say anything about how you're supposed to get your car out of impound when they're only open during daylight hours and you have a tendency to combust in the sun.

And how are you supposed to find a place to live when they only show places in the day? It's all very dayist. You'd think San Francisco, of all places, would be a little more accommodating to alternative lifestyles, but even that most modern of cities still seems to be out of touch with the needs of the night stalkers. But then again that's why innocent dupes from places like Incontinence, Indiana were invented, weren't they? To become minions for the beautiful undead and do all their shit work. (The fact that Laundromats are open 24 hours is a real piss-off, especially if your minion figures it out, muttering something about bloodstains not being his fault)

Article Author: Richard Marcus

Richard Marcus is the author of the recently published What Will Happen In Eragon IV? and has had his work published in print and on line all over the world. The not so long-haired Canadian iconoclast writes reviews and opines on the world as he sees …

Visit Richard Marcus's author page — Richard Marcus's Blog