Baby Talk

A few weeks ago, my wife bought our daughter Mary Ellen a book entitled Baby Signs for Mealtime. Mary Ellen's vocabulary is limited to a few words: meow (we have several cats), "Uh oh", and mama. When she wants something, she typically points to it and whines - which my wife says she learned from me. But my wife had the brilliant idea of teaching our daughter a basic form of sign language geared towards toddlers who are usually unable to articulate their thoughts. Much like your average Hollywood knucklehead or WWF attendee.

So I'm going through this book, Baby Signs for Mealtime, and I'm thinking there's no way in Hell a child can learn these. At best, they'll mimic you, but I have my doubts they'll place much meaning to the motions. I once saw my daughter give the finger, which I assume she learned from me. She had no idea what she was doing, but apparently she enjoyed it. Naturally, my wife jumps all over me whenever Mary Ellen produces the single digit salute.

"She learned this from you, ya know!"

"But she doesn't know what it means!" I reply in a desperately defensive tone.

My wife stands in front of me, hands on her hips and nostrils flaring, and replies, "And when she does learn what it means, then what?"

I shrug and say, "Then she'll enjoy it even more." Then I hurriedly leave the room before my wife can think of anything else to blame on me. Although I’m sure she could speak volumes on the subject.

Even though I was certain Mary Ellen would never master even one or two of these baby signs, my wife made me promise to make a concerted effort to teach them to her.

So last Friday I'm sitting in the living room on the couch flipping through this book. Mary Ellen was occupied with trying to work a pen up the cat's ass - at least, that's what it looked like from my angle. "C'mere, kiddo!" I called to her. Mary Ellen had her body draped across the cat, one hand holding back his tail and a pen in the other, and looked over at me. I smiled and waved her over. As she struggled to her feet, I heard her mumble something to the cat as he darted away from her, happy that the impromptu physical never reached its pinnacle.

Article Author: Tom Norris

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