Third decision: Egads! Am I really willing to tell you that story?
Having picked up my thread, and cleared my voice, I began to craft my story. With wonderful feedback and encouragement from my support team I immersed myself in my writing. "I can't wait to read the next part!" was the consistent response. Then it happened. Have you ever been in the middle of telling someone a story when you realize you are heading smack in to a detail or six that you really don't want to share but are already committed to telling? Well, there I was, rolling merrily along and suddenly I realized that gaining personal power in the long run is also about all those times you lost it, or gave it away, or simply made a bad move.
I was kind of hoping to tell you the version about the hip coach who always had her act together and has been a paragon of strength and wisdom since birth. Sad fact is, I had a few missteps along the way and if I only told you the highpoints I'd have some mighty big gaps in my story. It's the same problem you face if you have long gaps on a resume. You can try to spin it in an interview, but part of you knows you were eating Doritos on the couch and watching Jerry Springer at least some of the time you were licking your "right-sized" wounds.
I took the plunge and continued to write.
The Ultimate Question: Can I stand with my own humanity?
Am I willing to do that even if I am not sure who will stand alongside me? For me, the answer has been YES! Embracing my own journey means embracing all of it and not shying away from the parts I'd rather forget. It means accepting myself even through times of confusion, bad decisions, and... embarrassing haircuts. It's easy to have self-esteem when you are winning the game. It's much harder to love oneself through the dark times.
In the end, it's such a rewarding process to undertake a process like this, even if you suspect it will just end up in the bottom of a drawer somewhere. Telling the real story, if only to yourself, may be the most important thing in the end.
Happy writing!
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