When John McNally, wrote to me several months ago that he was going to give me a copy of his new book America's Report Card, I ignored it as if it were a venereal disease: it's not real until the scabs appeared. I didn't think he was actually going to send me the book. As long-time readers know, I don't write very good reviews. I tell people that I like it or I hate it, period. I'm not one for unearthing the hidden meaning of art or delving into the mind of the artist. That's for people who have a spatula instead of a personality.
However, what I am good at is the celebrity interview. I've done so, so many. This time I tried to get John to reveal more intimate facts about himself. Even if you've never read anything John McNally has written, you'll laugh (or cry) at his responses to my irreverent questions.
NM: When you said that you were going to send me a copy of your new book after it was published, I thought you were full of shit. I was going to send you a laxative, but I didn't know your address. But the book actually appeared on my doorstep.
I was in the middle of reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking and Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters. Invisible Monsters was my bathroom read, I need literature to help pass the time while I take my long craps. Your book was going to be the book I read in the car while I was stuck in traffic, propped against the steering wheel. I almost got into an accident because I got so absorbed in it, it blew away both other books. I even took an extra long crap so I could finish the last chapter. You must be proud of this novel. But if you had to save only one of your books from a burning house, which one would you save?
JM: If you mean which of the books I've written I would save, I would probably say none. I tend to hate everything I’ve written by the time it's published. Instead, I would save Richard Yates' novel Revolutionary Road. But if I could replace the medium, I would actually save all of the seasons of Deadwood on DVD. I'm writing an essay for a magazine about why Deadwood is the best mass entertainment since Dickens. So, there you have it. I'd run into the burning house, run past my own books, and snag all of Deadwood. I should say here that the mobile home my family lived in when I was three years old burned down in the middle of the night, and while I was watching from inside the trailer next door, I saw what my father threw out the front door as the highest priorities to save: a rug cleaner; an answering machine (this was a Code-a-Phone, circa 1968), and a birdcage with our pet bird inside. And that was pretty much all we ended up with. My pet turtle, which I had bought the week before at Goldblatt's, perished.
Article comments
1 - Matt C
I'm very excited to hear about McNally's new book. Thanks for the interview, it sounds very good.
2 - John McNally
Thanks again for the fine interview. I'm serious about flipping people, too, though I'm starting to worry that 150 pounds is too heavy for me. I may just have to make snap decisions.
3 - TJ
Anne Coulter is a raving f*cking idiot. She makes my blood boil.
4 - John McNally
I couldn't agree more, TJ. Twenty years ago, she would have had her own two a.m. cable-access show broadcast from her parents' basement, and everyone would have seen her for what she was -- a crackpot. Today, she's what passes for intellectual discourse in this country. My book dedication to her is a public slap in the face. She's an awful, evil person -- and not nearly as bright as she (and her legions of followers) thinks she is.
5 - No Milk
I had a great time thinking up questions for author John McNally, who is one of the funniest people I've never met. The smart-alecky humor and intelligence shines through in the novel. Ann Coulter, that crazy broad has a very small cameo in prison in the book.
6 - N
How exactly does standardized testing result in the government's intrusion of our privacy?
7 - John McNally
America's Report Card is fiction -- and it's satire -- so the ways in which standardized testing are misused in my book are (most likely) fabrications for the sake of the story. However, in real life, the military has been under fire for its role in two programs whose focus is standardized testing: No Child Left Behind and ASVAB. Check out this article from the Christian Science Monitor.
8 - Indignant Teacher
No Child Left Behind is a failure because it uproots students and teachers, close schools all on the basis of standardized exams that have no bearing on the reality of our education system. Using standardized tests alone are at best should only be used supplementally, not the sole reason for making decisions.
9 - Ann Fan
Ann Coulter says it like it is. You people with your left-wing agenda and immorality will learn your lesson too late--in hell.
10 - John McNally
Ann Fan: You just want me to flip you at a reading, don't you? Admit it: That's why you're being such a flirt.