One of the most inspired personalities in the history of Toronto radio has compiled a book of "slime" testimonials from women, with some of the proceeds going to breast cancer research. The book is titled The Slime That Men Do.
So what exactly is this "slime" stuff anyway? "Humble" Howard Glassman, known to many fans as one half of the Humble and Fred show, explains:
- One of the stories that always sticks out in my mind is this guy threw his wife a big birthday party and all their friends were there… he pulls out all the stops… spares no expense… and then at a certain point in the evening he raises a glass and says what a great woman she is… then sort of pauses and says … but… I want a divorce!
- The point I guess, really, is he couldn't do it to her directly… so he mustered up the courage to do it, and humiliate her, in front of all her friends…!
Can it get any slimier than that? Apparently it can, as there is already a "slime" sequel in the works.
The really interesting thing about this book and how it was written is that even though many of the stories are funny on their own, Humble has this way of putting in his own colorful interjections at precisely the right moment. Here's a "slime" sample, if you will, from The Slime That Men Do:
- First I want to say thanks for giving me the opportunity to get this off my chest. It feels so much better getting to share it with all of you!
- When I was expecting my second child and was actually in the delivery room in labor, my husband, as he was leafing through a magazine, sitting back in the nice comfy rocking chair, looks up at me and asks 'Is this going to take long?' NICE. As I sat there staring at him in disbelief at what he just asked me, he paused a moment then went back to reading his magazine.
- After the baby was born he asks me, 'Do you think the Doctor will let you stay in the hospital an extra night? I really want to go to my Christmas Party!' GREAT GUY-GREAT DAD. By this point I am just happy at the thought of not having to look at his face an extra night, so I arrange it. But the best part of this story is the morning the baby and I are being released I get a call 30 minutes before discharge time from my 'joy of a husband' to tell me that the receptionist at his work left the door open a bit on his car last night so his battery is dead. He is going to be a bit late.
- After waiting for another two hours I called my mom and dad to come and pick us up. Needless to say he has a well deserved EX in front of his title now! HE MAY BE YOUR EX BUT HE WILL ALWAYS QUALIFY FOR…
THE SLIME MEN DO!
Believe it or not, and I believe it, there are hundreds more of these stories. Many are just like the “slime” sample you just read, others are tales of bad first dates and broken hearts… all due to the slimy things men often do to women. (No wonder it’s so hard for a young guy to get a date these days!) Also, you can preview more slime samples.
So what is Howard up to these days when he is not collecting slime? Humble and his long-time radio partner Fred Patterson will re-unite for a live stream/podcast of the 17th Annual Humble and Fred Christmas special, available over the world wide web at www.humbleandfred.com on December 22nd. In the past, performers have included The Cranberries, Corky and the Juice Pigs, and The Bare Naked Ladies. Don’t miss it!
“Humble” Howard Glassman is a former radio show morning host. He has worked in several radio markets in Canada, but for most of his radio career he worked at CFNY FM 102.1 The Edge, MIX 99.9, and AM 640. He is also the author of The Slime That Men Do. His website.
Howard’s long time radio co-host, Fred Patterson, also blogs.