Written by real-life couple actress/comedienne Kristen Schaal and staff writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Rich Blomquist, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex is a hysterical look at the different aspects of sex for straights, gays, and even animals. Lucky for those who like naughty bits “the most erotic and titillating parts of this guide are printed in red.” The book also comes with a warning not to “insert the book into ANY orifice for sexual gratification,” which is smart in our overly litigious society.
The authors are assisted by Michael Kupperman and Lisa Hanawalt who provide illustrations that keep the book from being read at the vast majority of jobs or by gentlemen in mixed company. Although if you are looking to get fired, leave the book open on your desk to the “Where’s Waldo” spoof “Wildo’s Retreat,” a two-page spread that suggests what Hieronymus Bosch’s work on a Tijuana bible would have looked like.
The past, present, and future of sex are covered. The first female orgasm on record comes from an 1897 diary entry by Flora Stanley after an accidental encounter with a prototype for her husband’s steam engine invention. The future portends wonderful things. Forget Woody Allen’s orgasmatron, the science of teledildonics reveals many advances. The next step in the evolution of shared remote sexual experiences will be robotexting where robots will be sent to perform the acts that can’t take place in person. On the other hand, the glory wormhole has more frightening possibilities than the terrestrial version. Not knowing what lifeform may be on the other side of the universe willing to give an unknown user a blow job is scary enough to imagine, but when the authors discuss the theories of time travel, using a glory wormhole could change the history of the Earth or at least of your dating life.
The gay chapter gives some examples of slash fiction, a genre that finds TV series characters reimagined as hypersexual homosexuals. I first became aware of this phenomenon at a Star Trek convention where illustrated stories revealed Kirk and Spock melding more than minds. Of course, the humorists pick the shows from which a reader would least like to see characters having sex: Alf, The Golden Girls, and Knight Rider. You’ll never think of KITT the same way again.
The book offers amusing factoids sprinkled throughout, although “fact” isn’t the f-word that they use. There are also helpful hints that inform what household items can be used as dildos. Dil-dos are bowling pins and cell phones on vibrate while dil-don’ts are light bulbs and cacti. While the “don’ts” seem obvious, I am sure one medical professional probably has a cringe-inducing anecdote to the contrary about one curious individual.
The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex should be called The Funny Book of Sexy Sex except for the part about impotence because there’s nothing funny about that even if it does happen to everyone…or so I hear. Like sex, the book is enjoyable read alone or in groups, although if you can get a group to have sex, you might as well wait and read it alone.