Is there anyone you would like to forgive, but feel stuck perpetually revisiting awful details of what was done to you? Are you having trouble forgiving yourself for a huge mistake? Or do you hold a draining grudge against someone because they do not admit that they have wronged you and do not deserve your forgiveness? All of these unforgiving scenarios and more lead us into being less successful and happy in our lives. But what if you could find a way to break out of these emotional traps and tap into new energy? Would you?
In her new book, The Law of Forgiveness, Connie Domino offers a simple formula for forgiveness, which has been successful for scores of participants who have learned the technique in her workshops. The author includes numerous stories from readers and workshop participants about how the Law of Forgiveness has redirected their energy and produced desired results in their lives.
For decades in my mental health practice I have observed how unforgiving (and unapologetic) clients are glued in one spot emotionally — unable to fully develop and appreciate their lives. Whether the subjects of their resentment and anger are abusive parents, cheating spouses, disloyal friends, or their pain is based on a simple type of relationship breach, wounded and unforgiving individuals are capable and deserve to reach forgiveness — for their own sakes.
Fortunately, for many, using Domino's method, it is not necessary to confront the offending party. The forgiveness technique can be conducted in the privacy of one's home. I find this specific feature of the process makes it possible for anyone to be successfully forgiving toward another. Also, in many situations it may be impossible or undesirable to go face-to-face with the offending party and bestow forgiveness.
Chapter 5, But I'm Still Angry… Working through This Cycle of Healing When Forgiving, is my favorite chapter because it explains that it takes time to heal from a loss and individuals vary in how they work through the stages of healing. We all have different coping mechanisms and support systems. When we turn our focus to the positive gains, we learn that "even in our worst relationships, there was learning and growth — even when the only thing we learned is what we don't want in a partner, friend, supervisor, etc." (page 89)
When we forgive, we change ourselves, creating a ripple effect around us; but we do not control the direction of the ripple. The behavior of the other(s) toward us may improve or become worse. This response then provides us with concrete experiences on which to base our continued (or discontinued) relationship with the other.
Here are key passages from this book.
• When you practice forgiveness, you are releasing the past to enjoy a more positive future. This doesn't mean you are condoning or forgetting the transgression, but are, instead, releasing its hold on your life. (Page 7)
• Negative feelings make us vibrate low, which may make us feel bad or numb… or nothing… as energetic magnets, we will attract people, circumstances or things according to where (energy level) we are vibrating. (Page 16)
• … forgiveness is actually a "selfish" act… it's one of the most loving and positive things you can do for yourself as well as for others. (Page 33)
• (Forgiveness) doesn't mean the other person was correct by acting in a way that hurt you… you may or may not choose to reconcile the relationship. Forgiveness will work whether or not you choose to mend the relationship. (Page 38)
• When (the author) began to investigate, (the author) was pleased to discover quantum physics is hot on the trail of explaining what happens and energetic lead when someone forgives. (Page 53)
• On an energetic level, we are electromagnetic beings. An electric current of energy is responsible for our every heartbeat. Our brain lights up with the electrical activity any time we think, process or experience feelings and emotions. We resonate with energy. (Page 90)
• People are attracted to you and react to you and not based on how you feel about them so much as how you feel about yourself… people will either change to vibrate at your level or they will leave your life, and new people vibrating at a higher level (of positive energy) will take their place. (Page 98)
• (the law of forgiveness) works in ways that (the author) would not have guessed. As we learn more and more about this incredible universal law, we may totally change how we consider the topic of justice. (Page 136)
The Law of Forgiveness provides specific instructions and steps in simple language to guide you on your path of forgiveness. The success examples will help you understand what can be achieved through this process. Positive affirmations, goal setting and action plans are part of the technique and a simple form is provided for you to complete. Readers will find themselves empowered to take charge of their lives through the law of forgiveness. This is a book I will recommend to my coaching and therapy clients.