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Book Review: The 5 Greatest Spankings of All Time by Rob Wood

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Let me just start off by saying that I now fear the damage that my son might be capable of. OMG! I laughed so hard I cried as I read The 5 Greatest Spankings of All Time by Rob Wood. I made some notes of key points through the first chapter and that’s all I am going to share because the details of this book are just way too much to even believe they really happened.

I loved how Rob gave definitions for the terminology that he uses to describe how it all went down. Here are just a few as examples:

“L” word = lickin or for city folk = spanking
Lickees = Rob, Randy & Richard
Lickor = Dad

Prophylactic Lickins = an action to defend against or prevent something bad from happening

The author tells us toward the end of the first chapter how he and the brothers got together over eggnog to cast their vote for The 5 Greatest Spankings of All Time. “The First Annual Field Trip for the Gifted” is one of the lickin sessions in the book and the only one I will reference in this review. So it is known, if one of the boys got it, they all got it, lickins that is!

Betty taught math at a laboratory school for ‘Gifted’ inner-city children. Might I just insert how amusing it is that Rob italicized words that just create character to his writing, which makes you laugh even harder.

Since most of the kids had really never left the city, they arranged their field trip to be at Rancho Roberto, where the family lived and called home. After being lectured for weeks prior to the big day, you cannot even imagine what happens. Now everyone has gathered around Randy and now has the “celebrity status of Elvis Presley.” I just changed my mind and decided I’m not going to say what happens here. I am going to quote the author and you have to read the book for the rest.

“What happened next is a bit complicated to describe. The first thing I noticed was the high decibel level of the combination of noises coming from the ‘Gifted’ as well as the room mothers and chaperones. It was comprised of screams, shrieks and gasping accompanied by some crying and several cases of vomiting. One of the school bus drivers, a rather corpulent man with a severe case of body odor happened to be one of the vomitors.”

(Reviewed by Jennifer Hass for Reader Views)

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