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Book Review: He’s Not My Type by Andrea Syrtash

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Andrea Syrtash’s book, He’s Just Not Your Type, is a positive approach to dating that will help you feel more confident about your dating life. There are two very important points she drives home to her readers.

1) If you feel unsuccessful about finding mister right at this point in your life, that means you have successfully avoided settling down with mister wrong to become just another divorce statistic. This is a positive!

2) But, if you feel negative toward dating, it is time to take positive steps toward your own acceptance behavior, with men whom you may not consider your exact type.

He’s Just Not Your Type provides exercises that can help you generate a realistic outlook on your world as a whole. Of primary importance is eliminating the words “should” and “can’t” from your spoken language, but even more important, from your MENTAL vocabulary. These two words she calls “gremlins.” He’s Just Not Your Type would have you use cognitive therapy on a regular basis to change negative thinking.

To do this, you write down a list of negatives that you regularly say to yourself and to others. Next, you write down positive rebukes for each negative.

Negative Thoughts and Feelings
• “I should be a better conversationalist.”
• “I can’t go on a blind date,”
• “I can’t just leave this poor man.”

Positive Rebukes
• “I will be a better conversationalist by reading the editorial page of my daily newspaper so I’m informed about fascinating topics to discuss with my date.”
• “I will go on a blind date because every date is somewhat blind. I want to learn more about different kinds of men because it will help me understand them.”
• “I will end my current relationship by telling him it is time for me to move on because although he’s nice person, I’m not ready for a permanent or serious relationship.”

He’s Just Not Your Type reveals that all too often, the women she counsels toward dating success have an idealized image of some perfect male they are seeking. Sure, they may have dated such a man, only to find disappointment and sadness when one or the other party terminates the relationship.

While following Syrtash’s steps for becoming a positive thinker, she would have you set SMART goals for your dating. By this she means your goals are Specific—not generalized ideals; they are objective and Measurable; they are goals for which you can make yourself Accountable; they are Realistic and doable; and they have a specific completion Timeline.

“I promised my brother (sister, girlfriend, mother) that I will have at least four dates this month” is such a goal. It is Specific—four dates; it is Measurable—either you do or don’t date; you've made yourself Accountable to someone (brother, sister, mother); it is Realistic depending on your lifestyle, and you must meet a Timeline—a one month period.

All in all, He’s Just Not Your Type can be a great book for making you feel better about your lifestyle. But it must be taken seriously. You must perform the exercises Syrtash outlines for you. For example, on page fourteen, there is a paper and pencil exercise to help you destroy mental gremlins. If you sharpen a pencil, sit down, and take the time to complete the exercise, you can eliminate negative thoughts that manipulate your thinking, especially if you do this regularly.

The same is true for all the exercises in the book. Rather than simply read each chapter with mental reservations saying, “I should be practicing this exercise” or “I can’t do this exercise now because I don’t have time,” you must stand up and take command, “I will walk to my desk, I will pick up a pencil and I will do what the book says — I will do it right here and right now.”

I would recommend He’s Just Not your Type to any woman who feels sullen about her life and the choices she’s made regarding dating. It is extremely easy to read with plenty of real life examples from Syrtash’s own work with people. It can help you find satisfaction with men, who may not measure up to your irrational ideal type, but with whom you might establish an on-going, realistic friendship — possibly a deep, long-term, loving bond.

About Regis Schilken