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Book Review: From My Cold Dead Paws: Cats and the Guns They Love

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Having won the “Best Book Book Prize” from the Feline Rifle Association, From My Cold Dead Paws is the authoritative guide to guns and cats, or cats and guns. You can imagine my shock — total, absolute shock — when I discovered that among the many cat breeds included, there was no Bengal. Not so shocked that I would curl up and die, leaving my AK-47 to be pried out of my cold, dead hands, but nevertheless shocked. I began to question the credibility of the FRA.

Whether the Feline Rifle Association legitimately represents the interests of gun-toting kitties should in no way be taken as an attack on From My Cold Dead Paws. Perhaps you don’t see the humor in pictures of cats carrying weapons, but then I suspect you’ve never seen a photo of a Sphinx armed with a Beretta Model 92. It’s enough to warm the hearts of all the gun-totin’, commie-hatin’ cat lovers out there, and I’m sure there are quite a few. It also “felinizes” the Sphinx, since many are turned off by its hairless appearance. There’s nothing like putting firearms in the hands of a favored pet to bring out its personality (and near human-ness). As Ordell Moggie (in Jackie Brown) so aptly put it, “There it is, the AK-47. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every single mouse in the room; accept no substitute.” (The pink AK-47 is the weapon chosen by ginger tabby, Fearless Leader, pictured below.)

Fearless Leader, gun shoppingFrom My Cold Dead Paws is a field guide to both felines and firearms.  There are photos of a large variety of breeds, each wielding its gun of choice. Non-pedigreed cats are featured as well, possibly providing more readers some cat with which to identify. Introductory as well as breed specific material is provided for every cat (and weapon). It’s not clear whether all Turkish Angoras prefer M14s, for example, but it does seem that there is a weapon for every cat.

There is a wealth of little known information about various breeds of cats. Fr’instance, did you know:

  • The Turkish Angora “is one of the only cat breeds known to have been named after a type of woolen sweater”?
  • A California Spangled is “much less dangerous” than a leopard “unless, of course, it is carrying a 12-gauge shotgun”?
  • The Chartreux, originating in France, was “briefly renamed ‘Freedom Cat’ during the Iraq conflict”?

Fearless Leader, gun connoisseurThese fascinating facts, and so many more, are presented in a reader-friendly, yet visually threatening, format that is sure to illuminate dreams for weeks following the perusal of From My Cold Dead Paws. The photographs are all of the “awwwwwwwwwwwww, how cute” variety, even if  the animals are armed. Well-armed.

Bottom Line: Would I buy From My Cold Dead Paws? I have four cats and an AK-47…what do you think?

About Miss Bob Etier