Henderson’s Fork, WY–Shocking the blogging world to its very core, The BM Rant was left off every category of the 2004 Weblog Awards nominations. The Awards reward achievements in the field of sitting on the couch in your pajamas and typing on a computer.
The 2004 Weblog Awards include categories for every niche imaginable, including: Best Liberal Blog, Best Group Blog, Best Culture Blog and so on. Despite the nearly 700 categories available, The BM Rant went unrecognized. BM Rant Co-founders Matt Freelove and Brian St. Brian are said to be holed up in a secret location plotting the blog’s future. Both were unavailable for comment, but the blog’s spokesman, Von Lickfelt, did release a statement from the bloggers:
It was to our complete surprise that the so-called “braintrust” at the 2004 Weblog Awards saw fit to deliberately keep us off of all categories for this year’s installment of their bullshit awards. You cannot convince us that our blog couldn’t have found a home in one of the categories. We are calling upon all of our readers to storm the selection committee with appeals to have The BM Rant added to following categories for consideration:
1. Best Overall Blog (naturally)
2. Best Humor Blog
3. Best Blog with less than 30 hits per day.
4. Least Read Blog
5. Most Self-Important Blog
6. Sexiest Blog
7. Wayne Newton’s Favorite Blog
If all else fails, we should be considered for Worst Blog of 2004. Our offices could really use a statuette.
To the selection committee, we respectfully say, “Go fuck yourself with a serrated knife.”
Freelove and St. Brian do not seem to have the support necessary to mount any meaningful protest against the Awards committee, considering their almost non-existent readership. The BM Rant went nearly a week without a hit during November, as even Freelove and St. Brian couldn’t bear to read their own ham-handed prose.
The Weblog Awards committee released a statement through their spokesman, Rod Clipp, after receiving 1,500 phone calls regarding the omission of The BM Rant:
Our offices are under assault right now from what appears to be two men harrassing us about their blog not being nominated for a Weblog Award. What these deranged individuals fail to realize is that the general public made the nominations for our awards. If The BM Rant had any readers, any at all, perhaps they would have been nominated. We have traced these calls to 2 phone lines operating out of a tin shanty on the outskirts of Philadelphia, PA. We’ll see these two sick bastards in court, and in hell.
The 2004 Weblog Awards will be held in the basement of Instapundit’s Glenn Reynolds on New Year’s Eve.