Blu-ray Review: Honey 2 (2011)

“From the director of Honey comes Honey 2.” That’s what it actually says on the reverse side of the cover art for this one. Honestly, I have to question the sanity of whomever wrote that, and why they would want to promote that to begin with. But then, when you stop to look at the directorial legacy of Honey 2’s helmsman, Bille Woodruff, you’ll note that the only other items on his résumé are movies like Bring It On: Fight to the Finish and Beauty Shop, and a number of R&B music videos. Luckily for him, Bille’s experience directing complete and total tripe has prepared him for what could be his magnum opus here, as Honey 2 is without a doubt the new Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo — only without the cheesy charm.

You’d think that after eight years, the world would have forgotten all about the original Honey with Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba did, after all — and she wisely does not appear in the direct-to-video follow-up feature that has absolutely nothing to do with the first flick. Instead, we have Katerina Graham (The Vampire Diaries) taking the lead for this god-awful dance movie about a young lass who gets out of juvenile hall and promptly meets up with Honey’s mum — thus making some sort of vain connection to the source material. From there, our heroine goes to some community dance center thing straight out of Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video: factions of decidedly non-menacing street hooligans who couldn’t act their way out of a Reynolds Wrap coffin but who are (fortunately) well rehearsed in the ways of synchronized dancing.

An overlong (111-minutes), unwanted assault on the senses, Honey 2 tries way too hard to take itself seriously, but falters on account of it having no substance whatsoever. Well, unless you call a dozen-and-a-half dance sequences “substance” — though the names of the movie’s various real-life dance troops will likely have you running for cover (Quest Crew, Super Cr3w, Fanny Pak, et al). Star power-wise, Bille Woodruff commands the most endearing (cough) performances from a former Saved by the Bell actor (Mario López), as well as an ex-hostess of The Hills (Audrina Patridge). There are a couple of other near-professional people embarrassing themselves in front of the camera for this feature, though I doubt they’re worth mentioning at this point.

It’s always a pity when the truly dreadful movies get the best transfers. Universal Studios Home Entertainment’s presentation of Honey 2 is a gaudily glittering affair, and its soundtrack is such an intense, well-mixed affair, that your ears will likely be left bleeding from all the boom-booms your subwoofer produces (though the dialogue may cause aural hemorrhaging as well). Additional injuries to the viewer are presented in the form of several special features, and consist of deleted scenes (really?), even more dancing (please, no!), a couple of banal featurettes, and an audio commentary by director Bille Woodruff himself — just in case you’re determined to get the most out of this fine waste of your money.