The following is a partial transcript of the July 11 episode of the BC Sports Treehouse Fort.
Tuffy: Sacramento Kings C Brad Miller will miss the first five games of the 2008-2009 NBA season for an apparent marijuana offense, his third. Sacramento mayoral candidate and former NBA player Kevin Johnson now denies any knowledge of an NBA franchise in Sacramento. Fans agree.
Suss: A Nebraska fan caused some commotion by creating a hoax website with an article reporting that Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford was arrested for distributing cocaine. In other news Matt Jones is furiously thinking up a new alibi.
Tuffy: The Iranian national basketball team will play against two NBA Summer League squads in Utah this month in preparation for the Olympics. Contrary to ESPN reports, The Iron Sheik will not be throwing the ceremonial first halfcourt toss. Instead, Sgt. Slaughter will have the honors.
Suss: The Mid-American Conference unveiled a new logo this week. It’s actually just the Big Ten logo, but much smaller.
Tuffy: Senator Barack Obama will sponsor a Sprint Cup car in an effort to reach white working class Americans possibly alienated by his run against Senator Clinton. The car will be pulled over after 7 laps and the driver arrested for disturbing the peace.
Suss: The Seattle Mariners released underperforming first baseman Richie Sexson in the final year of his 4-year, $50 million contract. What’s worse, the Starbucks that was located in his strike zone is also being closed.
Tuffy: A Tour de France rider has tested positive for EPO, the first this year. Race aficionados hope the race will not end like it did last year, with Richard Gerandiet winning the race. Gerandiet, a 3-year-old from Bordeaux, was the only eligible rider left because he followed the race on his tricycle for half a kilometer.
Suss: Former Super Bowl winning quarterback Trent Dilfer announced his retirement on Wednesday. Although it should be noted that Ray Lewis actually wrote his statement.
Tuffy: A Chinese race walker has been expelled from the Olympics for doping. Dr. Scholl would not comment.
Suss: And finally, a Chinese acupuncturist is celebrating the upcoming Summer Olympics by inserting 205 needles into his head. The previous record was held by Marion Jones.