Home / Backstabber’s Office Rules #2 & #3- Learn from the Best

Backstabber’s Office Rules #2 & #3- Learn from the Best

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For those of you in the know, this series of helpful insights began its life on Blogcritics last Sunday. For those of you who don’t know-shame on you.

I decided to include two, yes two, lessons today as both are somewhat short on content. Together, though, they are a veritable philisophical force. Please, study them well young grasshopper, and maybe someday you’ll be able to snatch the knife from my hand. But it’s not likely.

Here’s the first lesson:

Hello Everyone: I received a comment from another veteran of the office politics game. I know this person on a personal level and let me tell you, he knows how to play EVIL OFFICE POLITICS, I’ve seen him handle many potentially explosive situations with skill, cunning, and a level head. Here is his lesson for you to learn:

“Believing others have your back will only leave you hanging bare assed in the wind.”

No matter how a “team member” insists they will back you over an office issue, they are lying! You are not, I repeat, you are not the inspirational leader rallying the troops against your oppressive manager. No, you are the sole idiot standing in an office face to face with a boss who now thinks you’re disruptive and potentially damaging to the company he reigns over. So, never believe people will support your ideals no matter how right you are.

Like that one? Good, here’s the second gem:

Today’s lesson is the hardest for most to put into practice:

“An open mouth always leads to an empty cubicle.”

So many times I have watched this happen to fellow employees, and sadly, I have been a victim myself. It is a very nasty habit to talk too much, to tell stories about yourself, or worst of all, tell others more than they need to know. This lesson is close to Lesson #1 but differs in the sense that even if you don’t talk about yourself, you can still talk too much. Gabbing about others, the company, the management is all a disease that will lead to you being fired. Believe me, the less you say about everything, the better off you will be. You don’t have to be a mute, as that would be rude, but if you must talk, just say enough to keep others spilling their guts. Shut your gob and keep your job.

So, there you have it. Now, sit in the lotus position for several hours (or until your legs go numb), drink some green tea, and contemplate your office fate. One more word, Grasshopper, avoid the Kung Pow chicken at all costs…..;-)

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About T Stoddart

  • My mom told me early in life to never ever (ever) reveal your salary to people you work with, so that would fall under lesson #2, I suppose.

    This is a great idea for a column, T, but it could really stand for personal or anecdotal examples for each of the lessons. Even a made-up story would work, I suppose!

    Last, feel free to link back to earlier Blogcritics pieces when you mention them as you do up top.

  • T

    Eric, thanks for your support and comments. I will, in future “Lessons”, include anecdotal notes along with the post. I believe, like you, it will strengthen the piece and give it more…meat.

    As for linking, I would just add the html to the post?

    Thanks again.

  • You need to add html tags… can someone more techie than me explain in comments how to do this? Everytime I try the brackets disappear because I’m actually writing the link!

  • T

    Eric, I will try to tag it and use the ancient, almost forgotten language of html. Local legend has it that a very old and wise man, who lives in the mountains, knows html and will teach me if i bring him a big mac combo….


  • cough, writer’s guidelines, cough, cough

  • T

    Chris, thanks. Oh, and I hope your cold gets better!

    P.S. If your cold is one of those intellegence flu’s, then please cough in my face and I will inhale deeply….;-)

  • Nancy

    Good series, T; truer words were never spoken. The only way I’ve ever found to ‘comment’ adversely on someone/something was thru silence; then when the would-be squealer tattles, all they can say is, “well, s/he didn’t say anything.” It might not win you friends, but you can’t be indicted, either.

  • T

    Nancy, you hit the nail on the head. Silence is the golden rule. And, if you are in disagreement with someone, silence can speak volumes without the danger of real words.

    Speaking has always been over rated. We all think that if we communicate our conflicts, we are better off. This, to me, is a load of crap. People, no matter how nicely you say the words, always draw the worst conclusions.

    Thanks for your comment Nancy, you obviously know how to play the game.

  • Nancy

    I’ve been here 16+ years, T; I guess that makes me a “legend” according to your previous blogs, hey? 😉 LOL – a ‘legend’ only in my own mind….