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Baa Baa Black Sheep and an Angry Navratilova

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By now you've likely heard of the controversy surrounding Oregon's gay sheep experiments. As scientists at Oregon State University endeavor to determine the biological origins of "male-oriented" rams — rams who love rams — a hue and cry has been raised by many gay activists and leaders around the world. Of course, many evangelical leaders and neo-conservatives have heralded a major step in the search for a "cure."

Are the researchers seeking a genetic cure for homosexuality? Are they actually learning how to bio-engineer more gay rams? Or are they attempting to identify the gay gene so that they can test and weed, thereby improving the breeding stock? The fact is that eight percent of rams will only mate with other rams and eight percent of ewes will not allow rams to engage them in coitus – a statistic that is closely reflected in the human population. This translates into 16 percent of the flock that is good for nothing but dairy products, wool and chops.

The Pat Robertsons and James Dobsons of the world tremble with excitement at the possibility of a medical cure for the growing plague of homosexuality. The Rosie O'Donnells and the Martina Navratilovas of the world are screaming Nazi medical experiments.

Personally, I see peace an earth. War, persecution, genocide, bigotry and hate crimes are born of difference and diversity. Sameness is the obvious path to world peace. International borders will fall. The conflicts and confusions born of colors and difference will be replaced by the unity of gray. The burden and crushing responsibilities of individuality will give way to the safety and soft comforting cushion of absolute predictability.

What better use of genetics and bioengineering than to at long last put an end to human diversity. Imagine an ocean of beige people all reflections of one another. Peace on earth. We can bioengineer diversity into oblivion. Thanks to the Gap, the invention of the ubiquitous T-shirt and running shoes we are well on our way to global uniforms. Isn't the next step an obvious one? The Gap principle of genetics?

Nature and God hath wrought a terrible thing: the curse of Babel and the discordance of biodiversity and creativity. What could be a nobler goal and use of science than to wash away diversity? And if a hormonal injection into the fetal brain can bring us all together as one, then genetic engineering promises a brave new world.

And as for those among us who fear the implications of the Oregon research? All we're doing is improving the breeding stock of sheep and the ability of management to better control and profit from the flock.

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