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Author Archives: TheRagingCritic

American Idol Has A Springtime Ho-Down

American Idol Has A Springtime Ho-Down Chapter 3: Get Me To Group Therapy, I Am Seeing Ookits By: The Raging Critic Alas! We have come to that fateful day! A day where I can come home from a hard day’s work – kick off my shoes – walk to the refrigerator – grab a brewski – walk over to the ... Read More »

American Idol Pinches Off A Lucky Charm

American Idol Pinches Off A Lucky Charm Episode II: Lucky Charms By: The Raging Critic Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, blue diamonds, and purples horseshoes….. Those were the Lucky Charms we used to feed ourselves as children. After all, they were MAGICALLY DELICIOUS. Somehow, this festive day is no different. American Idol charmed us half to death ... Read More »

Welcome To The American Idol Soul Asylum

Welcome To The American Idol Soul Asylum Episode I: Crazy By: The Raging Critic Before tonight’s episode, I had wandered aimlessly around my palace and conferred with all of the other bestowed Raging Critic’s about tonight’s show. Then suddenly, I realized that I was trapped inside an asylum with a bunch of crazy lunatics. It seems that I – The ... Read More »

An Open Letter to Rev. Jesse Jackson

Dear Rev. Jackson: It is with great regret that I find myself writing to you today. I am a white man who has always supported your cause. In fact, I am originally from Decatur, Illinois, a town you know well. When you came to my town to support the black kids who were expelled from Eisenhower High School, I stood ... Read More »

American Idol Gets The Sunshine Jinx

American Idol Gets The Sunshine Jinx On The Day Of The Florida Primaries, The Show Produces Some Bizarre Results By: The Raging Critic From the moment I turned my television on I had an eeeeeeeeeerie feeling. That creepy announcer started harking from behind the American Idol moniker. “LAST NIGHT, EIGHT PEOPLE GOT A SECOND SHOT!” Oh yeah Mr. Announcer, last ... Read More »

American Idol – Raging Critic Review

Seatriscuit Tosses A Joker Into The Deck American Idol Wild Cards Make Us Play 52-Pick-Up By: The Raging Critic I was all prepared for a night of 12 wild card performances. I got out my deck of American Idol tarot cards and placed 12 cards in a row. I saw 4 axes and one pink flamingo. There was a joker ... Read More »

Raging Critic: American Idol Group 4 Results

Opie and The Wahine Lead Us To Wild Finish American Idol Sends Two More To The Finals As The Wild Cards Prepare For A Rematch By: The Raging Critic I was sitting in my room waiting for the horrifying results show. I had decided after last night that no matter what happens tonight I will be angry. None of these ... Read More »

American Idol Gives Me the Fiji-Jeebies

American Idol Gives Me the Fiji-Jeebies Despite Being Overly Whitney-fied, Tonight’s Shining Star Is Barely Sparkling By: The Raging Critic Beer, Beads, and Breasts. That was the theme of the week last week. It was Mardi Gras and I had alternative plans in my schedule. Unfortunately, I was unable to review last week’s show, but I can only say this ... Read More »

The Un-Christian Act of Shunning Us Away From God

When I was a child, my mom taught me the basics. We were not a very religious family, but I did go to Awana and Sunday School a few times. Around the same time, my grandmother had foolishly given thousands and thousands of dollars to Heritage USA (Jim Bakker’s PTL group). We found out that the preacher she loved so ... Read More »

American Idol Review: American Idol is For The Hearing Impaired (Group 2 Results)

Wednesday, February 18, 2004 American Idol Is For The Hearing Impaired Group Two Sends Two Wannabe Singers To The Mix By: The Raging Critic Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I screamed myself awake this morning!!!!!!! WAS IT ALL A NIGHTMARE????? I ran to my computer to check my calendar. IT HAS TO BE TUESDAY – RIGHT?????? I HAD A DREAM THAT THE AMERICA WITNESSED ... Read More »