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Author Archives: TheRagingCritic

The Swan Pageant Preview (1 of 2): The Strife Of The Duck

As a proud and dedicated Duck Activist, I must admit that Fox Network’s new reality television show, “The Swan,” initially ruffled my feathers, so to speak. For decades, we Duck Activists have been trying to convince the world not to discriminate against us. Our history is long, and our struggle for equality has been a tough one. I realize that ... Read More »

American Idol Devours Another Victim (Chapter 13)

American Idol Devours Another Victim Chapter 13: Little Red Riding Opie By: The Raging Critic Once upon a time, there lived a little wannabe crooner with red hair. His name was John Stevens, but the locals in the Village of Mayberry always called him “Little Red Riding Opie.” He sang so bad that everyone in America started to develop poor ... Read More »

American Idol Tries To Turn The Beat Around (Chapter 12)

American Idol Tries To Turn The Beat Around Chapter 12: The Magical Afro-Cuban Samba By: The Raging Critic I swear!!!!!! The American Idol demons must have been released with John Peter Poltergeist’s dismissal. First we have the Jennifer Hudson Catastrophe (a day that shall be forever called, Black Wednesday – – – – – no pun intended). Then, the producers ... Read More »

Should The Raging Critic Quit American Idol?

Good evening. This week’s episode has prompted many of you to e-mail me, especially after the response I gave on this website. After reading each and every one of your thoughts, I am able to categorize the vast majority of your e-mails into four different opinions. The first group of people are the people who support my decision to stop ... Read More »

American Idol Meets Bathhouse Barry

American Idol Meets Bathhouse Barry Chapter 11: Transsexxual Swan By: The Raging Critic Hi everyone, I’m baaaaaaack. I am so sorry for abandoning you all last week. However, I am going to be on a new reality television show and I was away from my computer! I was too busy being strapped down on the operating table. YIPEEEEEEEE! You see, ... Read More »

For One Idol Hopeful, There’s No Place BUT Home

For One Idol Hopeful, There’s No Place BUT Home Chapter 8: The Wizard of Odd By: The Raging Critic “For nearly three years this story has given faithful service to the Young in Heart; and Time has been powerless to put its kindly philosophy out of fashion. To those of you who have been faithful to it in return…and to ... Read More »

American Idol Does The Crocodile Rock

American Idol Does The Crocodile Rock Chapter 7: Three Ring Circus By: The Raging Critic Laaadiiees and Gentlemen and children of all ages, Sir Elton John has tried to steal the thunder from Sir William Hung! I had recently been shocked and appalled that this wretched little Riki Martinomo routine had popped into the spotlight. Nevertheless, he has managed to ... Read More »

American Idol Torches A Spark

American Idol Torches A Spark Chapter 6: Poltergeist By: The Raging Critic Last night was a crazy night I tell ya! Before I laid me down to sleep, my television turned on all by itself. I sat up and shrieked with sheer horror. And all of a sudden, I could hear a little girl screaming. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I leaped to my ... Read More »

American Idol’s Passion Is Motown Funky

American Idol’s Passion Is Motown Funky Chapter 5: Spoofing My Religion By: The Raging Critic Just two short weeks ago we were treated to the gospel roots of soul music. Tonight, we are taking on its descendent genre now known as Motown. You see, slavery and religion begat soul music, which begat funk music, which begat Motown music, which begat ... Read More »

American Idol Dumps The Bear

American Idol Dumps The Bear Chapter 4: Eighth World Wonder By: The Raging Critic Whew! I just got home from riding halfway across the world. I have been searching for the Eighth Wonder of the World. My butt cheeks are chafed from those dreaded chaps and poor little Seatriscuit is worn out from the ride. I hardly thought I could ... Read More »