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At Least He’s Not Nigerian

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Does this look familiar? A little pseudo-spam floating around the Internet – it’s pretty funny if a tad heavy-handed:

    IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

    FROM: GEORGE WALKER BUSH

    DEAR SIR / MADAM,

    I AM GEORGE WALKER BUSH, SON OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE
    UNITED STATES OF AMERICA GEORGE HERBERT WALKER BUSH, AND
    CURRENTLY SERVING AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF
    AMERICA. THIS LETTER MIGHT SURPRISE YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT
    MET NEITHER IN PERSON NOR BY CORRESPONDENCE. I CAME TO KNOW
    OF YOU IN MY SEARCH FOR A RELIABLE AND REPUTABLE PERSON TO
    HANDLE A VERY CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS TRANSACTION, WHICH
    INVOLVES THE TRANSFER OF A HUGE SUM OF MONEY TO AN ACCOUNT
    REQUIRING MAXIMUM CONFIDENCE.

    I AM WRITING YOU IN ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE PRIMARILY TO SEEK
    YOUR ASSISTANCE IN ACQUIRING OIL FUNDS THAT ARE PRESENTLY
    TRAPPED IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ. MY PARTNERS AND I SOLICIT
    YOUR ASSISTANCE IN COMPLETING A TRANSACTION BEGUN BY MY
    FATHER, WHO HAS LONG BEEN ACTIVELY ENGAGED IN THE EXTRACTION
    OF PETROLEUM IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND BRAVELY
    SERVED HIS COUNTRY AS DIRECTOR OF THE UNITED STATES CENTRAL
    INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.

    IN THE DECADE OF THE NINETEEN-EIGHTIES, MY FATHER, THEN
    VICE-PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, SOUGHT TO
    WORK WITH THE GOOD OFFICES OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC
    OF IRAQ TO REGAIN LOST OIL REVENUE SOURCES IN THE
    NEIGHBORING ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN. THIS UNSUCCESSFUL
    VENTURE WAS SOON FOLLOWED BY A FALLING OUT WITH HIS IRAQI
    PARTNER, WHO SOUGHT TO ACQUIRE ADDITIONAL OIL REVENUE
    SOURCES IN THE NEIGHBORING EMIRATE OF KUWAIT, A WHOLLY-OWNED
    U.S.-BRITISH SUBSIDIARY.

    MY FATHER RE-SECURED THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF KUWAIT IN 1991
    AT A COST OF SIXTY-ONE BILLION U.S. DOLLARS
    ($61,000,000,000). OUT OF THAT COST, THIRTY-SIX BILLION
    DOLLARS ($36,000,000,000) WERE SUPPLIED BY HIS PARTNERS IN
    THE KINGDOM OF SAUDI ARABIA AND OTHER PERSIAN GULF
    MONARCHIES, AND SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS ($16,000,000,000) BY
    GERMAN AND JAPANESE PARTNERS. BUT MY FATHER’S FORMER IRAQI
    BUSINESS PARTNER REMAINED IN CONTROL OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ
    AND ITS PETROLEUM RESERVES.

    MY FAMILY IS CALLING FOR YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN FUNDING
    THE REMOVAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF IRAQ AND
    ACQUIRING THE PETROLEUM ASSETS OF HIS COUNTRY, AS
    COMPENSATION FOR THE COSTS OF REMOVING HIM FROM POWER.
    UNFORTUNATELY, OUR PARTNERS FROM 1991 ARE NOT WILLING TO
    SHOULDER THE BURDEN OF THIS NEW VENTURE, WHICH IN ITS
    UPCOMING PHASE MAY COST THE SUM OF 100 BILLION TO 200
    BILLION DOLLARS ($100,000,000,000 – $200,000,000,000), BOTH
    IN THE INITIAL ACQUISITION AND IN LONG-TERM MANAGEMENT.

    WITHOUT THE FUNDS FROM OUR 1991 PARTNERS, WE WOULD NOT BE
    ABLE TO ACQUIRE THE OIL REVENUE TRAPPED WITHIN IRAQ. THAT IS
    WHY MY FAMILY AND OUR COLLEAGUES ARE URGENTLY SEEKING YOUR
    GRACIOUS ASSISTANCE. OUR DISTINGUISHED COLLEAGUES IN THIS
    BUSINESS TRANSACTION INCLUDE THE SITTING VICE-PRESIDENT OF
    THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, RICHARD CHENEY, WHO IS AN
    ORIGINAL PARTNER IN THE IRAQ VENTURE AND FORMER HEAD OF THE
    HALLIBURTON OIL COMPANY, AND CONDOLEEZA RICE, WHOSE
    PROFESSIONAL DEDICATION TO THE VENTURE WAS DEMONSTRATED IN
    THE NAMING OF A CHEVRON OIL TANKER AFTER HER.

    I WOULD BESEECH YOU TO TRANSFER A SUM EQUALING TEN TO
    TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT (10-25 %) OF YOUR YEARLY INCOME TO OUR
    ACCOUNT TO AID IN THIS IMPORTANT VENTURE. THE INTERNAL
    REVENUE SERVICE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL
    FUNCTION AS OUR TRUSTED INTERMEDIARY. I PROPOSE THAT YOU
    MAKE THIS TRANSFER BEFORE THE FIFTEENTH (15TH) OF THE MONTH
    OF APRIL.

    I KNOW THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE WOULD MAKE
    ANYONE APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED. BUT I AM ASSURING YOU THAT
    ALL WILL BE WELL AT THE END OF THE DAY. A BOLD STEP TAKEN
    SHALL NOT BE REGRETTED, I ASSURE YOU. PLEASE DO BE INFORMED
    THAT THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION IS 100% LEGAL. IF YOU DO NOT
    WISH TO CO-OPERATE IN THIS TRANSACTION, PLEASE CONTACT OUR
    INTERMEDIARY REPRESENTATIVES TO FURTHER DISCUSS THE MATTER.

    I PRAY THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PLIGHT. MY FAMILY AND OUR
    COLLEAGUES WILL BE FOREVER GRATEFUL. PLEASE REPLY IN STRICT
    CONFIDENCE TO THE CONTACT NUMBERS BELOW.

    SINCERELY WITH WARM REGARDS,

    GEORGE WALKER BUSH

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About Eric Olsen

  • http://saratogalife.blogspot.com Kate Sherrod

    Now this is funny. A product worthy of the late, lamented SatireWire.

    I actually read all the way to the bottom of this, something I have never actually done with the Nigerian ones.

    Bravo, whoever did this. Heavy-handed it most certainly is, but it’s FUNNY!