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Astrology and Etiquette In the 21st Century – Redux

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Last week I went out for coffee with a Libra Man. Libra is known for having good manners and it was the first time we’d gotten together. We’re both gym rats who pay attention; and we were trading notes on our impressions of things we see in the gym as well as how we felt about each other…

“And then one day I held the door for you,” he said. “And you went by me and I thought, now that's something. I thought you had “IT”.”

“Really?” I thought backwards as fast as I could. This door opening is a big deal to me. It's significant. I could almost remember this specific day. “Well I like that. I like men to open the door for me. So I'm sure I was glad about it.”

libra horoscope “You must have been. Because you stood there and waited for me to get the next door, too.” He smiled.

“I did? Good. That sounds like me. But I would not have done that if you weren't the way you are. Super-manly, I mean. Because do you know this door-opening… well men are no longer expected to open doors for women.”

He looked unconvinced.

“Seriously. I've written about this. Last year. (Blogcritics: Etiquette In the 21st Century – Can Someone Please Clue Me In?) Because this happens all the time at the gym. Men don't get the door. I think men should get the door, but others think differently and it turns out they're right. Because when I wrote about this, several people who teach etiquette showed up to say men opening doors for women is antiquated. It's over. People are supposed to get doors for people,” I said.

He looked unconvinced.

“I know. I don't like it. I teach my son (Libra Moon, Libra rising) to get the door. He's seven and I have him hold the elevator door until all the women are in, or out. And he's does it. He looks good doing it too, but he's like a throwback to some other era.”

“I would always get the door for you. For any woman."

“Well, thank you. And I would always let you. But I better know about this, because if you were a 23-year-old man and I stood waiting for you to get the door, I'd be standing there until I am blue. This is just not what they teach anymore. The professional manners people say otherwise. I don't really like men who don't get doors for women. It just seems wrong to me. It’s almost an affront when a man passes in front of a woman.

"I think it’s gross, but I am just telling you this a day that’s gone by. We’re out of the loop. It's just not what is taught anymore and I have had to come to terms with this. But it sure made me feel good when you did that. You were classy, the way you did that. I have "IT"? I think you have "IT". Because I am telling you the men around here do not hold the door. It almost never happens and that day when you did… you held both doors, I liked it. It helped my day. It was as if something were right in the world."

“Well that's exactly how it felt to me. It sure made an impression on me, I'll tell you that. I have not forgotten it at all. It made me want to know you."

Should men hold doors for women, or should people hold doors for people? Even if you think people should hold doors for people, as a woman, do you like it when a man holds the door for you? And if you’re a man, do you like holding the door? Do you have Libra in your chart? How about Leo (loves chivalry)?

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  • http://philobiblon.co.uk Natalie Bennett

    Who ever gets to the door first should hold it open; the healthy should hold it open for the frail; someone with a free hand should hold it open for someone laden with bags – it should have nothing to do with gender.

  • http://noumenal.net Che

    Yep, I’m with Natalie. Whomever reaches the door first should open it for the people behind them. I always open doors for those behind me. I always open doors for the elderly or disabled. I am female. However, there have been times when men, usually older men, will practically knock me down to reach the door first to open it for me. Excuse me? How is knocking me down in any way polite? Its like these men live in terror of having a woman (gasp) open a door for them. I like politeness, its nice to say please and thank you and be considerate of others. It makes the day a little more pleasant. But why should politeness be gender-based?

  • http://noumenal.net Che

    Oh, and I’m a triple Gemini with Scorpio rising, and nary a whiff of Libra anywhere.

  • http://elsaelsa.com Elsa

    I can’t argue the logic of the new way and since being educated after posting in this topic last year, I have fallen into line. And I do it your way now when I am out in the world, and I see ya’ll are right!

    That said, there are still some of us out there who really get off on the gender thing. I call myself a “man’s woman” in spite of being a feminist. I sued my boss for sexual harassment when I was 17…. way pre- Anita Hill, so I figure this qualifies me. But boy if I am on a date a man waits for me to open the door for him… believe me, he’ll never see me again!

  • http://elsaelsa.com Elsa

    Oh! And on the astrology, I have Venus in Leo which really wants to be courted. If you can’t do “grand display”… well I want no part of you, romantically that is!

  • http://elsaelsa.com Elsa

    though I have no complaint with those who have alternative tastes…

  • duane

    I hold the door for everybody. Men, women, dogs, fruitbats, you name it. One difference between men and women — if a man holds a door open for me, I go in first with a “thanks.” If a woman holds a door for me, I say “Thank you,” then gesture toward the doorway and say, “After you,” and grab the door somewhere, making sure not to knock her down, of course. It usually works out OK.

    I was at a university one day, and class had just let out. I was on the way in to a building. I saw a horde of college kids on their way out, so I stood back and held the door. About 40 people passed through the door with me standing there like a statue holding it open. Not so much as a nod of the head from a single one of them. This isolated example just points to the fact that there’s another bit of applicable ettiquette — say “Thank you” when someone does something for you, no matter how minor.

    I don’t expect people to say “thanks,” like I need a reward or something. But it makes things much nicer if some acknowledgement is given. Dontcha think?

  • http://elsaelsa.com Elsa

    duane – yes, I do think. I have Libra and it would be unthinkable for me not to thanks a person holding a door for me. Sounds like you got caught in a stampede of cattle, there.

    What I hate more than anything is people (men or women) who go through a door, letting it close without looking behind them, and my face is there. To me, this is total proof of a person oblivious to others… and I assume they are rude and self-centered beyond belief.

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