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Aspirin is mostly used for headaches, but it has other medical uses too. Like for example, it is sometimes used as a blood thinner.

Aspirin is like a weight loss pill for blood… it makes it thinner.

I think advertisements for aspirin should feature before and after pictures of blood.

…and maybe some blood testimonials. Type O Blood says “I just started using aspirin 2 weeks ago, and just look how thin I am today!”

I think I want to be a comedian.

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About in10sity

  • Sorry. That was lame. :-/

  • Are these jokes?

    This dude’s posts remind me of that Simpsons episode where Principal Skinner tries stand-up.

    “Why do you suck?”

    Props to whoever remembers the punchline/response, delivered by Skinner himself.

  • I especially like the “I think I um maybe wanna be a comedian?” thing at the end.

    It’s like thing Yoda said. There is no think, only do. I’m not geeky enough to remember, but I’m sure one of you all has it memorized by heart. Either you are a comedian or you’re not, and you’re just not.

    That is all.

  • Some of his stuff has been amusing. This wasn’t.

  • Ok, cool. Some things work better out loud, but then again… some just don’t work. I accept that. That’s comedy. Thanks for the comments.

    I do try to make a habit out of taking advice from people who quote Yoda.

    I got 20 bucks that says your comment will some day be on the inside cover of my first comedy CD.

  • Here’s a lame joke for ya’ll:

    The head psychoanalyst at a mental institution has three patients no one on his staff can diagnose. He calls upon an old friend of his, an esteemed professor of psychology at a local college, to come and offer his services.

    They enter room number one, and they see a man wearing a crown on his head, and talking to imaginary servants. The professor immediately provides his diagnosis: Delusions of Grandeur.

    They step into room number two, and there is a man cowering under a table, covered in a bedsheet, and demanding to be placed in a smaller room. The professor again immediately offers his diagnosis: Severe Agoraphobia.

    They walk up to the third room. “This gentleman’s problem is beyond even your great intellect!” says the head of the facility, before opening the door. They enter the room to witness a man, totally nude, rolling around vigorously upon a large pile of pecans and almonds.

    The professor thinks for a moment, and then smiles and nods to himself.

    “Yes, yes. It’s elementary! This man is fucking nuts!”

    Get it? FUCKING NUTS? BWAHAHA cough sputter …

  • Iniosity: I welcome that and I’d be honored if you did.

    Keep at it and keep trying out bits on us. All comedians suck when they start out.

    The Simpsons reference was:
    Nelson: “Why do you suck?”
    Principal Skinner: “Because I lack self-confidence?”

    There’s my geek quotient for the day. The next time you post, Iniosity, I want that link to read “I AM a friggin comedian” and we’ll move from there. I’ll be your self-esteem coach.

  • Bob, it’s not “I think I’m funny.”

    The “I think” is there because I haven’t fully decided if I am crazy enough to be a comedian. To quit my job, to have the balls to go on stage in front of strangers and try to make them laugh, ya know, stuff like that. When I actually do, that’s when I’ll change the “I Think” part.

    My self-esteem is fine, so I don’t really need a coach there. You can be my soccer coach if you want?