DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A BLOGCRITIC?
Take the Test!
1) I started my own blog because:
a) I’m over thirty, still live in my mother’s basement, and she never listens to me — even when I’m off my meds.
b) I’m under thirty, have lots of friends, but no one understands me.
c) my incredibly boring life sounds much more interesting in print.
d) I hope to be the next “Drudge”.
2) I’m qualified to write for 400,000 readers a week because:
a) a number of my family members think my poetry chapbook “rocks.”
b) I have nothing to say, but I’m very articulate.
c) they’re probably just as bored and barely literate as I am.
d) I really do know the Top 100 Guitarists. Really.
3) My favorite phrase is:
a) Well Duh!
b) Grow up!
c) Ignore him; he’s just another troll!
d) I refuse to undertake a battle of wits with an unarmed man.
4) I refer to my political opponents as:
a) Liberal, leftist America haters
b) Right-wing Christian Fascists
c) Nazis (can either be liberal or conservative)
d) window-lickin’ asswipe motards.
5) I think the greatest threat to the future of America is:
a) gay marriage, abortion, and Satan’s control of all popular culture
b) Pat Robertson, George W. Bush, and Satan’s control of all branches of government
c) the biased mass media (can either be liberal or conservative)
d) high taxes, government regulations, and people who’ve never read Ayn Rand
6) I grew up with:
a) classic films, great books, all types of music, and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge.
b) Pokemon, role-playing games, video games, and chronic Attention Deficit Disorder.
c) a deep insecurity and lack of self-esteem.
d) a family of violent, perverted, meth-addicted televangelists.
7) My religious beliefs can be summed up by saying:
a) Just read John 3:16 …and all you others can go to Hell!
b) I’m not religious, but I am very spiritual.
c) I’ve thought about joining a Wiccan cult group — just to get laid once in a while.
d) God made me highly skeptical.
8) Most of my personal blog is about:
a) Pop culture, especially new movies, books, and CDs.
b) Politics, especially the latest long-term solutions offered by both major parties.
c) what I did last night with my alcoholic, sexually-diseased friends.
9) At my high school, Community Junior College, or some obscure minor university, I was:
a) a journalist
b) an editor
c) a columnist
d) all of the above — …okay, screw you; I used to proofread marketing materials for my local Meals on Wheels.
10) Although I had those wonderful, professional-type experiences, I’m currently:
a) a computer techie who wants to be an entrepreneur someday.
b) a stay-at-home mom who is working on the next Great American Novel.
c) a musician living off my girlfriend.
d) unemployed — and about one stroke of bad luck away from getting a high-powered rifle and finding a nearby water tower with a good view of passing school buses.
11) If I were to name one of my personality faults that could have a negative impact on Blogcritics.org, it would be:
a) I’m racist.
b) I’m a homophobe.
c) I’m a misogynist.
d) I can Google, cut, and paste like a motherfucker!
12) Among the following, the most important subject for me to write about for Blogcritics readers would be:
a) a disaster that killed thousands of innocent Americans.
b) the threat of nuclear destruction from Fascist rogue-states.
c) the ongoing debate about the aging population, threats to Social Security, and various attempts to increase health insurance.
d) J. Lo’s latest music video.
13) If I could wave a wand and exterminate one person without guilt, punishment, or retribution, I would pick:
a) Osama Bin Laden
b) George W. Bush
c) President Chavez AND Pat Robertson
d) the dude who left Slash off The 100 Top Guitarists List. Idiot.
a = 1
b = 2
c = 3
d = 4
0-13 — Go back to that proofreading job.
14-26 — You belong over at FreeRepublic or CodePink.
27-35 — You belong in an insane asylum. Let’s hope they don’t allow you access to a keyboard and a modem.
36+ — You’re not a Blogcritics writer: you should be contributing to the Mensa Newsletter.
Other Sharkian Questions for the Curious:
“ARE YOU A RACIST? Take the Test!”
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