Blogcritics

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Women's Hoops Features This Year's Upsets -- Or More Accurately, "Migraines"

Matthew T. Sussman — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 17:56:37 EDT

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.Many questions still surround Tony LaRussa's surprising DUI early Thursday morning. Notably: was he wearing his sunglasses?Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.David Carr, having bruised every vital organ at least once in his tenure as the Houston Texans' quarterback, has been replaced by a younger, more nubile quarterback, and threw an oil tycoon's fortune at him.Matt Schaub, Michael Vick's backup for three years, was traded to the Texans for a coupon for a free order of Domino's cheesy bread. Then Schaub signed a 6-year, $48 million deal. Mind you, Schaub is not a proven starter. What could possibly go wrong?Biter: A rock that just barely touches the outside of the house.New twist on an old and busted joke: I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney than gambling with Joey Porter.The ex-Steelers lineman got into a fistfight with Cincinnati Bengals lineman Levi Jones at a blackjack table in Las Vegas.Also, for those of you in the next-bad-publicity-for-the-Bengals pool who had "punched a dude in Vegas," congratulations, you psychic bastard. Close but no cigar for those who had "punched a hooker in Vegas."Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.Hey guys, I think we found Cinderella. This year, it's a chick.Marist College -- total enrollment, a skosh over 5,000 -- has made headlines (or at least subheads) after they reached the regional semifinals of the NCAA women's basketball tournament. As a 13 seed, they narrowly defeated two ranked teams, Ohio State and Middle Tennessee State. Now in the Sweet 16, their next challenge is to dethrone the entire Volunteer State: 1-seeded Tennessee and legendary coach Pat Summitt.(Quick facts about Marist: They are located in Poughkeepsie, New York, and notable alumni include Rik Smits and Bill O'Reilly. Wow, Rik Smits!)The Red Foxes have made it this far, so why can't they advance further into the tournament? If you answered "Tennessee," give yourself a gold star.Double: A takeout shot that removes two stones from play.Tanith Belbin and her skating partner -- whatever his name may be (nobody quite knows) -- won third place at the World Figure Skating Championships. No, I'm not much of a skating fan. And honesty, it's just an excuse to link to a picture of Tanith Belbin.Hammer: The final rock of the end.Two women's basketball items in the same week? What has this world come to? It's a world where I'm allowed to mention Bowling Green athletics in a national spotlight.BGSU's women's basketball team, ranked between 16th and 20th most of the year, upset SEC champion Vanderbilt in the second round to become the first Mid-American team to reach the women's Sweet 16. So for those keeping score, we have uncharted waters for both the MAC and the MAAC.It says a lot about this team that I've seen more BG women's games in person than BG men's games. (Or maybe that says too much about me.) But this senior-heavy team, coming off three straight conference championships, is playing some of the most inspired basketball I've witnessed in quite some time. If BG can find a way to upset Arizona State today, their next likely opponent in the Elite Eight will be Duke. Do they have a chance? Back in December the Falcons narrowly lost 55-46 on a neutral court after leading much of the game. (It was Duke's lowest point total of the season.)

Matt Sussman is the former sports editor of BC Magazine and also writes for Deadspin, SPORTSbyBROOKS, The Futon Report, and the Toledo Free Press. Catch him twice a week with with asst. sports editor Tuffy on Treehouse Fort, the official show of BC Sports.

Feed the feedback back to matt.sussman@blogcritics.org.

Dale Jr. Wants His Stepmom's Company Because He Is White

Matthew T. Sussman — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 15:35:35 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.Floyd Landis may have his Tour de France win removed from the books, and second-place finisher Oscar Pereiro is also being accused of doping, but thankfully because the "Shawne Merriman Rule" doesn't take effect until next year, they'll both still be able to compete in the Pro Bowl.Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.David Beckham is in the MLS. Now it's rumored that Zinedine Zidane -- yes, the head butt guy -- will sign with the New York Red Bulls, where Claudio Reyna now plays. At some point, the MLS will have to change to their name to what they really are: the Premier League Seniors Tour.(I know Zidane never played in the EPL, but if you pretend he did, it makes my joke much funnier.)Raise: A shot that bumps another stone farther back, but not out of play.Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is signed on to race with Dale Earnhardt, Inc. through the end of this year. He's already negotiating an extension with DEI owner and stepmom Teresa Earnhardt. It appears one of his demands is the majority share of the DEI.I may speak for several baseball fans when I say: Barry Bonds should try this with the San Francisco Giants.Hack: The "starting block" from which the thrower pushes off to begin the delivery.I didn't hear Rush Limbaugh's remarks about the Super Bowl, namely because I, uh, don't listen to his show. Still, that doesn't stop people from grabbing his quotes, blockquoting them and getting outraged.Apparently the guy who said the media really wants to see a black quarterback succeed in the NFL now said that the media is vilifying Rex Grossman because he is white. Um, okay. Turns out Limbaugh was just trying to see if he could outrage the people who did, in fact, get outraged.What this means is Limbaugh has basically shut off all his non-listeners to his own style of humor, which only his dedicated viewership understands. Hey, no skin off this non-listener. But I'm wondering why the people who despise Limbaugh's show are listening to extract football quotes. Imagine if I took random lines from Jim Rome's inside-joke-laden radio show and said "I can't believe I said that." That'd be a terrible... actually, that's a fantastic idea.Triple: A takeout shot that removes three opposing rocks from play.There's little reason to currently follow the NBA just because football's over. (The playoffs aren't until April, and once they begin, they last about 62 months) But if you need a personality on which to fixate, Gilbert Arenas is your man.He challenged DeShawn Stevenson to a 3-point shooting contest. But it wasn't just any ol' 3-point shooting contest. Arenas' bragged that he could "shoot with one-hand from college three better than [Stevenson] can shoot with both hands from NBA three."With $20,000 on the line -- guess they never watched Trading Places on bet-setting tips -- Arenas sank 73 of his 100 3-pointers using only his right arm. Stevenson, who sank 68 of 95 the conventional way, clanked his 96th shot.I believe Arenas now faces off against the winner of Jim Abbott vs. the drummer from Def Leppard.Hammer: The final rock of the end.It's difficult to explain exactly how much SportsCenter has changed since the days of Dan Patrick, Kenny Mayne, Keith Olbermann, and Charley Steiner. Let's just say it's like the show got a boob job.But since the inception of Pardon the Interruption, the show's format has changed very little, which makes it perhaps the one show worthy of infinite praise.Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon seem dedicated to keeping the show humming smoothly. Tony K. has since ditched his radio show, his Washington Post regular column, and is now seen gallivanting with the Monday Night Football gang, while Wilbon is covering a lot of NBA games from the halftime booth. But they always come back to each other at 5:30 p.m., trying to poke holes in the other's arguments.With the overhaul to ESPN.com Page 2's staff -- hard to believe six years ago Hunter S. Thompson was a contributor -- and the mess of different SC anchors that grace the screen nightly, at least my PTI remains the same, entertaining, witty show I remember debuting almost six years ago.They've had but one slight change to their format. Their rapid fire segment, "The Big Finish," no longer appears at the end of the 5:30 show, but rather mixed into the 6 p.m. edition of SportsCenter. But at least they never try anything crazy like, say, Rush Limbaugh to interject once during the show.See you next week, knuckleheads.

Did You Hear? Super Bowl XLI Has Two Black Head Coaches

Matthew T. Sussman — Thu, 1 Feb 2007 08:36:23 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.There should be a rule in journalism where if a writer is stuck in Chicago O'Hare airport for more than eight hours on a given day, then recovers his lost luggage two days later, he is not responsible for any subsequent errors in his next published article.Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.Last year, "Jerome Bettis is from Detroit" was the story line lodged in Joe Sportsnewsconsumer's gullet, no doubt rammed in there by every reporter in the nation. This year it's "Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy are black head coaches."Yeah, I know ESPN.com Page 2 writer DJ Gallo wrote this next line. I don't care. It's gold and I'm stealing it: "I'm afraid it won't do much to change the hearts and minds of close-minded bigots ... Once Super Bowl XLI ends, African-American coaches will only have a .500 record in the Super Bowl. And .500 just doesn't cut it in today's NFL."Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.Lindsay Jacobellis has the lead in a gold medal snowboarding race going into the final jump. Stop me if you've heard this before.But unlike last year's Winter Olympics in which Jacobellis showboated her way to a crash 'n burn, leaving her with a silver medal, Jacobellis flat out fell on the final jump in this year's Winter X Games, again rolling across the finish line for a second place finish. But for me she gets bonus points because on the final jump she went through both Bill Buckner's legs and Tony Romo's hands.Bury: Description of a rock that is completely behind another rock.I'm glad Barbaro's dead. He should have died long ago. No, I don't hate Barbaro. Nor am I a hater of animals*. But, like the tarot card which shares its name, death represents change. The daily Barbaro update is cleansed from the Associated Press wire. The incessant stream of letters and hackneyed poetry from Barbaro's Army has hit a blockade. But most of all, the poor horse isn't in pain anymore. In fact, all those so-called "animal lovers" were hoping to prolong his life for some reason. I was the one who wanted to end his pain and suffering. I'm the animal lover in this instance. They are the ones who really hated Barbaro. Yes, even the guy who says he wants to name his first son after Barbaro.* -- I say this only because you cannot disprove it.Hammer: The final rock of the end.Randy Johnson signed an extension with the Diamondbacks. Curt Schilling goes back on his word and says he will actually pitch in 2008. Roger Clemens wants to pitch next year. Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Jamie Moyer, Kenny Rogers, Kevin Brown, and David Wells are all gonna be back in Aught Seven.So, do pitchers still retire from baseball? Or did that fad leave the game along with vested uniforms?Many of those 40-year-old pitching mainstays are safe bets to be enshrined in "The Hoaf." The pitchers that actually retire are ones you didn't even know were around anymore, like Jeff Nelson. Or they retired at a relatively young age, like 33-year-old Brad Radke.There's no doubt these pitchers all have the fire and desire to compete, but I question if they have any ammo left in the arsenal.Batters seem to know when to quit. It's when they see the lineup card and they're batting seventh behind the utility infielder who hasn't hit a home run since Little League. The exception to this rule is Julio Franco, 48 years young, who shall continue to play until he is a pile of bone dust. And even then, he will still be available to pinch-hit.Retiring early adds mystery to one's legacy. It gets one into the Hall of Fame sooner. Going out on top a la The Police Arrested Development is the way to go. Also, you know who had the right idea? Barbaro.

I Don't Think Anybody Anticipated The Breach Of The Saints Offensive Line

Matthew T. Sussman — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 03:37:44 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.In retrospect it may not have been the smartest idea tell a customer at my real job -- a Chicago Bears fan -- that because of his allegiance he's against the New Orleans Saints and therefore hates black people. Nor was it for me to pick the Saints, who play in a dome, to win in the elements at Chicago, for including Sunday domed teams are 0-10 in such games.The Bears were a smart pick all along, but after the clock hit 0:00, even our boy RJ isn't foolish enough to set a 25-point spread. It was also a good pick for those who love black people, for Bears head coach Lovie Smith is black, as is the other Super Bowl coach, Tony Dungy. Never once has a single Super Bowl head coach been of African-American descent. There's two weeks between now and the game. So you may hear about this.Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.In 2006 Chase Utley made $500,000, an amount I could make in the next 20 years cumulatively. But this year the Philadelphia Phillies second baseman got a 900% pay raise, giving him a $4.5 million salary for 2007. It'll get better for the next seven years, where his contract extension will total $85 million. Taking a wild guess, I won't make that much even once I'm an Olympic curling hero.Split: A shot that hits another rock and both come to rest in play.Split between two sports, Jeff Samrzdk ... Sarxkz98ij ... Samrlqi&$z ... a wide receiver from Notre Dame will not play in the NFL and instead pursue a baseball career. The one we'll call "Jeff S." signed a $10 million deal with the Chicago Cubs. You may ask why Sarmz ... that guy we're talking about is risking becoming the Cubs' next injury-riddled pitcher. But then you realize this is the best way to avoid being drafted by the Detroit Lions.Takeout: A shot thrown with a lot of weight that knocks another rock out of play.Who doesn't love a good conspiracy theory? Probably as many that love the NHL. Fortunately, the two worlds collided with a fantastic story about the NHL potentially taking Rory Fitzpatrick out of the running for the All-Star game the Al Capone way.Fitzpatrick was the unlikely center of a grassroots Internet campaign to get a no-name, hard-working player into the All-Star game. The "Vote For Rory" movement worked so well, he vaulted to as high as No. 2 in the voting leaderboard among defenseman - good enough to start. But the week after Christmas, Fitzpatrick's standing fell with the decorations, prompting bloggers and Slate magazine to investigate the disparity of vote totals from week to week. Basically they're saying the NHL threw out about 100,000 votes for Rory so that the game would have actual All-Stars. Slate also reported on automated voting scripts so that fans of Rory could vote several hundred times in an hour for their favorite Vancouver Canucks defenseman.Wow, who knew something like the Internet could screw up an election?Hammer: The final rock of the end.I tried. I really, really tried to shift the attention off Peyton Manning and Tom Brady by highlighting actual matchups between players on the field at the same time. And in the three other matchups, I was dead on in the analysis ... for the first half. Asante Samuel locked down Marvin Harrison. Corey Dillon ran through the Colts for a touchdown and a 35-yard run. And Matt Light contained Dwight Freeney on the edge.In the second half, those three matchups weren't exactly that important. Harrison's covered? Fine. Manning went to Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne, who combined for over 200 receiving yards. Dillon - heck, all of the Patriots backs (Dillon, Laurence Maroney, Kevin Faulk, Heath Evans) combined for just 8 yards on 5 carries in the second half. So I guess we can forget about that whole "the Colts couldn't stop Belichick's mom from rushing for 100" mantra.And Freeney's rush didn't do much -- I think he knocked down Brady once all game -- but his teammates in the secondary came up huge when New England passed down after down. Bob Sanders broke up a crucial third-down pass in the fourth quarter, and Marlin Jackson gobbled up Brady's final throw of the season to seal the game.Hmph. So much for actual analysis. I guess it's poop jokes from here on out. And, time permitting, accusatory remarks of racism.

As Predicted, OSU Doesn't Lose To Florida By 26

Matthew T. Sussman — Tue, 9 Jan 2007 02:45:14 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.For the eight of you that have seen the movie Big Trouble, the only solace stemming from Florida's 41-14 chomping of Ohio State -- at least for a Buckeye State resident -- is the thought of Dennis Farina getting on a plane departing from Phoenix tonight, with goats strewn about the runway.Also, people said Florida's 26-point win over OSU in basketball on December 23 would not be indicative of the BCS Championship's final score. And clearly they were right. It was 27 points.Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.When tragic news of USC kicker Mario Danelo's death was reported early Sunday morning, it was difficult to not imagine horrible scenarios when the only detail was that a stranger found his body was at the bottom of a rocky cliff. Fortunately police have basically ruled out foul play.There was probably no other way around the initial mystery of his death, but as pointed out by some commenters at Deadspin, you have to sit back and cringe at Pete Carroll and LenDale White's prank a couple years ago.Gripper: A piece of equipment worn over a shoe so one can walk on the ice.Know how when a basketball player misses a crucial free throw, they take about a zillion practice shots in the offseason?After Tony Romo's slip-o-the-ball in the waning minutes of the Seattle-Dallas playoff game, I wonder if he'll sit in his house and try to stick the nose of the ball on the ground 100 times a day. Or, better yet, win the starting quarterback job on Opening Day so Drew Bledsoe gets to be the one to screw that up next year.Hack: The "starting block" from which the thrower pushes off to begin the delivery.My favorite ESPN-analyst-ain't-so-perfect-and-not-even-discreet story of the week has to be an old story dug up about how NFL analyst Sean Salisbury was suspended for putting a picture of his pecker into his camera phone and showing it to female employees.Seriously, Sean. What ever happened go the good old days of just whipping it out in front of a secretary in a dimly lit copier room?Hammer: The final rock of the end.The Randy Johnson-to-Arizona deal will be finalized once he passes a physical. (Diamondbacks team doctor: "Hey, no fair, I thought he had a mullet!") This washes the Yankees' hands of a $16 million contract, and in return they receive a few prospects. Months earlier they dealt Gary Sheffield to the Tigers, again receiving a few prospects. And when Boston threw enough yen at Daisuke Matsuzaka to sign him, the Yankees locked up the more affordable Kei Igawa. Yes, I said "Yankees" and "affordable" in the same sentence. As well as "receive a few proscpects" twice in the same paragraph.It's been a while since I've said this -- if I ever have -- but the Yankees are making some great offseason moves. And how about this for a swell theory? What if the Yankees are building up their farm system in the hopes that, down the road, the Minnesota Twins are unable to retain ace Johan Santana, forcing Minnesota to deal him midseason?Since I think it's a fantastic idea, that means it's probably not true. On second thought, it's almost as preposterous as -- oh, I don't know -- Ohio State losing to Florida by 26 points.

The Rock Slide: Tell Congress To Fix Yao Ming's Knee

Matthew T. Sussman — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 03:00:26 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.Stop me if you've heard this before. Ken Griffey, Jr. broke his hand. And he wasn't even diving for a ball. He was simply playing with his kids at home.While the rest of the Reds may don the new uniforms in 2007, the jersey designer best make one for Griffey out of polystyrene.Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.Equally injured is Yao Ming. Thing is, this isn't Yao's offseason. His bum knee will sideline him at least six weeks. To replace their 7'6" center, the Houston Rockets plan to glue two streetballin' kids together, end-to-end. (Hey, it worked in the cartoons.) Failing that, they could ask Professor Farnsworth if his mutants aren't doing anything.Sweep: To brush in front of the thrown rock with one's broom, which heats the ice and allows the rock to travel further and keep it on target.Philadelphia may boo Santa Claus and Terrell Owens, but the former mortal enemy befuddled the latter on Christmas. As a result, the Eagles have swept the season series with the division rival Cowboys, 23-7. They now lead the NFC East behind Jeff Garcia.If the media wants Donovan McNabb to succeed, and Garcia, who is part-Mexican, leads the Eagles to the playoffs, then is half of Lou Dobbs right when he says they're taking good-paying jobs from hard-working Americans?Come-around: A rock that curls around a guard and lands behind it.The Arizona Diamondbacks have made an offer to the New York Yankees to trade for their former ace, Randy Johnson. Now 43 and recovering from offseason back surgery, Johnson's fastball isn't what it used to be. In fact, it's about as fast as Hootie Johnson's fastball.So not only do the Detroit Tigers trade for overpriced Gary Sheffield, but now the Diamondbacks -- and Padres, 'tis rumored -- are inquiring about Johnson and his $16 million salary. Why exactly are all these teams willing to absorb the Pinstripes' payroll when they could get a perfectly capable Gil Meche for dirt cheap?Extra end: Curling's overtime.Don't get me wrong - Ricky Rudd coming out of retirement is really awesome, and I have no problem with him driving a car sponsored by Snickers. But if he can't find a spot on his suit for at least one little Tide logo, may he burn in twisted wreckage every week.Hammer: The final rock of the end.I've yet to witness a game on the NFL Network. Oh, it's not that I don't get the channel, it's that my cable company is apparently getting scrooged by the channel, claiming the price for the NFL Network would increase almost eight times if they wanted rights to air the games. So currently my version of the NFL Network is a 24-hour documentary about where and when Bart Starr took a dump.There is a movement to get this atrocity taken to Congress -- and it seems to be working -- but unless there's some super-duper complex antitrust thingamajigger happening, what on earth will Congress do about it, and should it even be their business?The NFL has unquestionably made their sport the most popular in the United States, so they've certainly earned the privilege to write the price tag on airing their games. But if Roger Goodell plays Icarus and skyrockets the price too close to the sun, then the NBA just may gain a share of the sports fans' attention burned off from the pride of the NFL.Besides, none of the games they've aired have been that exciting.So if the unhappy sports fan cries "Congress, they're being mean!" anytime there's unfair play from a sports entity, next thing you'll know we'll have House Resolutions directing the New York Yankees to trade Randy Johnson to the Diamondbacks, or to make it illegal for Ken Griffey to get hurt anymore.Actually, Congress and I would be cool if they could perhaps make it a law for Ricky Rudd to drive nothing but the Tide car.

The Rock Slide: OSU v. Florida, Grossman's 1.3, Romoeroticism

Matthew T. Sussman — Fri, 8 Dec 2006 08:49:47 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.Let's start off with some BCS discussion. (Actually, according to the computers, this first item's strength of schedule is weaker than the second. So it will instead be read in the Rose Bowl.)Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.In a story ripped from the headlines, Ohio State will play Florida for the national championship. Moreover, their two top-10 basketball teams square off December 23. I trust the good folks at ESPN's SportsCenter that they will think of a better lead-in to those game highlights than the obvious parallel.Hack: The "starting block" from which the thrower pushes off to begin the delivery.Rex Grossman's quarterback rating on Sunday? 1.3. Credit The Dan Patrick Show for invoking the parallel of Dean Wormer reading off the Delta House's GPAs.Double: A takeout shot that removes two stones from play.The Red Sox are big spenders, doubling up on high-ticket free agents JD Drew and Julio Lugo, pouring out $106 million between the two, with $70 million going to Drew and $36 million to Lugo. A day at Fenway for a family of four just increased to $40,000, or the amount of money found in Manny Ramirez's dreadlocks.Raise: A shot that bumps another stone farther back, but not out of play.Don't you love how South Carolina's athletic department gave Steve Spurrier more money, afraid he'd go somewhere else to coach?U of SC: "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't leave us! We need you! Here's an extra half million!"Spurrier (half asleep): "Huh? What? Okay."Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.There's never a better time to be in Dallas than when the Cowboys are rolling. And one of my blog readers, "rock_n_rye," was right when most people in Dallas are firm believers in "Romoeroticism." Tony Romo is the guy, and Bill Parcells is, well, the guy's coach. For some reason everyone on Dallas radio calls him "Big Bill." I've never heard of that before this week. Big Bill. To me, a Big Bill is a $100 note.Draw: A type of curling shot that lands in the house.Irv Newman's draw in the gold medal tennis match wouldn't be easy. As an 85-year-old, he was nothing but a scrappy rookie.Newman faced 97-year-old Roger Gentilhomme in the championship game of the Florida Senior Games, the second oldest competitor in the history of the event. The nubile octogenarian whipped Gentilhomme 6-2, 6-4.Growing up, they both had the same sports idol: Julio Franco.Hammer: The final rock of the end.A quick glance at the NCAA basketball AP Poll shows mid-major behemoths Wichita State and Butler, both undefeated, ranked in the Top 15. Also spotless is the record of UConn, who has known to win a championship or two. Yet they're ranked below both the Shockers and Bulldogs. Oh that's clutch.The Coaches Poll, oddly enough, slotted the AP's No. 16 team as their No. 10, vaulting the Huskies above Wichita and Butler.Maybe their low ranking is a result of blowing out a ton of below average teams. Well, either that or not yet playing a game outside of Connecticut until December 30.It might also have to do with the fact that UConn's nine-man rotation include nine freshmen and sophomores. Think about that for a second. None of the regular players on UConn can legally drink. And since it's illegal, it doesn't happen. P'shaw, no.Extra end: Curling's overtime.Before we go: Although we're a longshot to win the Best Sports Blog award, it's an honor to be nominated, although it's more of an honor if you give us your vote every day until December 15.

The Rock Slide: Mele Kali-Kiwanuka

Matthew T. Sussman — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 10:40:54 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.Well, the New York Giants had the lead against the Tennessee Titans, then they didn't. The Big Apple needs to hear little more beyond that. (Okay, don't read this if you are a Giants fan: New York took a 21-0 lead into the fourth quarter only to have Tennessee storm back with 24 unanswered points for the win.)As for Mathias Kiwanuka, he'd rather be fishing, apparently. Because on a 4th down play, the Giants' defensive end played catch and release with Titans QB Vince Young, who then wriggled for the first down. Although you can't help but snigger at the New York Post's sports front page: "TITANIC CHOKE GAGS BIG BLUE." Double entendres aside, the ones in blue weren't choking. See, the Giants pulled out the red-and-white unis. Although after Young's fourth quarter mastery, I'm sure the voters are kicking themselves for giving the Heisman Trophy to Tiki Barber prior to this game. Second: The second person to throw rocks on a team.So USC moved up to second in the BCS polls with a win over overrated Notre Dame. (His words, not mine.) So let's recount who the Trojans have beaten: Arkansas (by 36), Nebraska, California, and now the Irish -- all by a combined score of 145-57. Forget the squeakers to Arizona State and the Washington duo, as well as the heartbreak to Oregon State. Those four victories against current Top 20 teams were all decisive. Michigan played Ohio State well, and beyond the Notre Dame and Wisconsin victories they didn't have a ton of tough games. Wow, maybe USC did earn the right to play in Glendale. Of course, this will probably change when UCLA upsets their crosstown foe, and I'll be singing the glory of Arkansas or Boise State or someone like that.House: The three concentric rings (the "bullseye") on either side of the sheet, where points are scored.Does it bother nobody else that the University of Hawaii accepted a bid to the Hawaii Bowl, making it their fifth straight bowl game in Hawaii?The bowl committee and UH department of athletics are practically the same entity, with Hawaii Bowl executive director Jim Donovan being a previous UH associate athletic director and current UH AD Herman Frazier on the bowl's committee.Hawaii will likely play an inferior team -- Scout.com projects UCLA -- and blow 'em out, giving them their fourth straight bowl victory. But it won't be so much a bowl win as it is a nationally-televised home game. I have little doubt that UH is worthy of the Top 25, and I'm fully aware that two, yes two, of our contributors are big time Warriors fans. But I gotta call shenanigans. Most of us would love to see them play someone their caliber like BYU. That would truly be the battle for the title of Best Western Mid Major Team Not Named Boise State, and someone might even score 70 points in that game.Instead, they'll likely face a potentially 6-6 UCLA team. And "aloha" means "cherry pickin' football program."Bury: Description of a rock that is completely behind another rock.And the Steelers are done. The Baltimore Ravens basically sunk their season with a 27-0 shutout. Can we just give the division to the Ravens now? At 9-2, they are three games ahead of the Bengals. Or should we wait until after Thursday when the Ravens travel to Cincy? Because their remaining schedule ain't so tough: Kansas City, Cleveland, the aforementioned buried Pittsburgh, and Buffalo.Gripper: A piece of equipment worn over a shoe so one can walk on the ice.Ben Wallace and Scott Skiles both need to get a grip. After Skiles made a team rule that no one can wear sweat bands during games (huh?), Wallace defied the rule and entered the game wearing one. The $60 million center was promptly benched. Know how to settle this dispute? A rousing game of one-on-one. If Scott wants to tip the scales in his favor, he may want to ensure the game heavily involves free throws.Biter: A rock that just barely touches the outside of the house.An obligatory shameless Bowling Green item, granted, but it was good to see BG's men's basketball team -- by no means a quality one -- win in the final seconds against South Alabama, 65-64. It should be noted that the University of South Alabama's acronym would technically be USA, but it might be less confusing to call them the U. of SA. How Borat-y.Hack: The "starting block" from which the thrower pushes off to begin the delivery.Mike Vanderjagt is panhandling outside my office holding a sign saying, "WILL SHANK FOR FOOD."Hammer: The final rock of the end.This one's actually a curling item. No, wait, don't go!Sunday afternoon had some boring football games, and NBC had a boys vs. girls ultimate supreme match between Pete Fenson's Olympic team and Debbie McCormick's world championship runners-up team. So an improbable series of events had my TV on NBC rather than Fox or CBS.Team Fenson won big, mostly because boys rule and girls drool. But the women's honorary team captain, Picabo Street, was allowed to throw the hammer in the final end since the score was out of reach. Her delivery was a tad shaky -- no more so than mine, for what it's worth -- and the sweepers took it right to the tee line. Damn, those women are awesome.It should also be noted that according to the announcers, Street had never curled prior to that day. Anyone who can throw tee line weight -- world-caliber sweepers or not -- on their first day can join my team.

The Rock Slide: Joe Girardi, Savannah State, Devin Hester

Matthew T. Sussman — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 07:30:20 EST

Lead: The first person to throw rocks on a team.To lead off this debut weekly column, let's go over what we're doing. I give you a definition in curling, then I follow that up with a news item. This is not a ripoff from Sal Marinello's column The Ramble, and the reasoning is because I said so. Those are the rules, and I didn't make them up. Well, I did, but I'm not proud of myself.Sweep: To brush in front of the thrown rock with one's broom, which heats the ice and allows the rock to travel further and keep it on target.Okay, everyone who called the Houston Texans to sweep the Jacksonville Jaguars in the regular season, please stand up. Now hold on, you've got to be lying, so please sit back down, Mrs. Gretzky.Takeout: A shot thrown with a lot of weight that knocks another rock out of play.I dare some driver to bump Jimmie Johnson this Sunday in Miami. The Nextel Cup points leader needs to finish 12th to secure the points championship, and I have no doubt that anyone not in contention will stay at least what Southerners call "a hunnert feet" away from Johnson's car. Matt Kenseth is only 63 points behind Johnson, while Kevin Harvick and Denny Hamlin are tied for third, 90 points back.Know who I'd like to see do it? Juan Pablo Montoya. The former F1 racer and one-time Indy 500 winner will attempt to make his NASCAR debut by qualifying for Team Ganassi at Homestead Speedway. The dude may have won the Indy 500, but he hasn't accomplished squat in the racing world if he can't hold his own in a good ol' fashioned NASCAR brawl, which involves a couple quotes to the media, a push that may or may not involve a racer's spouse, and getting over it by Monday.Roll: The movement of the thrown rock after it collides with another.Dan McGowan wrote an article back in January about the pitiful Savannah State sports program. The notable low point SSU hit was in their men's basketball program, which went 0-28 and 2-28 in consecutive seasons. Well, forget all that. This year they're on a roll. (Well, a 3-0 start with wins over nobody in particular, but success is all relative). The Tigers should go as far as 5-0 with some non-Division I teams next on the schedule, but their dream season will vanish when they travel to the U. of Illinois later this month.Runback: A very difficult takeout shot where a guard rock is driven back into the stone behind it, removing it from play.Chicago Bears return specialist Devin Hester's 108-yard field-goal-attempt-return-for-touchdown (they gotta come up with a better name for that) against the New York Giants on Sunday night came nearly one year after Nathan Vasher's 108-yard also-a-field-goal-attempt-return-for-touchdown against the 49ers. If this trend continues, next November we should see the Bears' Ted Ginn, Jr. run for a 108-yard by-then-we'll-think-of-a-shorter-name-for-this-return-for-touchdown.Hammer: The final rock of the end.This week's hammer goes to Joe Girardi, who not only managed Rookie of the Year winner Hanley Ramirez but also won the Manager of the Year in his first season as a head skipper. Never has a fired manager gotten such a hearty last laugh. And Sal, man these notes columns are tougher than they look.