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Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 2-07-06

Joan Hunt — Wed, 8 Feb 2006 07:20:22 EST

Dear Craig,Hello! What a great ending to my day -- late night with you. Now, I didn't get my feet up in those stirrups like you suggested, but I did settle in with a little Scottish shortbread. Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant Scottish shortbread cookies.Great monologue this evening. You were all over the place, but still managed to pull it all together. This is what makes you my preferred late night talk show host. Okay, there may be more to it than that, but the monologues right up there. Paris, diaries, and oh so many other things. Forgive me for the lack of details. All I know is that I was laughing out loud and enjoying the show.Sketch: Clay Aiken on the Grammys. Even though it wasn't him, I was still getting creeped out. What is it about that guy that makes my skin crawl? Is it because he's like a youngish blond Tom Cruise/Barry Manilow wannabe? And that hair! Eesh! Sketch: Sean Connery's This Day in History, which always cracks me up. The wig, the Connery voice, it's all too silly. First guest: Jeff Probst, Survivor host. Is it just me or does his hair look darker again? What's up with that? Back to the two of you. Jeff complimented you on your tribute to your father. As he pointed out, you gave many people a chance to reflect on their own relationships with their parent. I still find myself thinking about their mortality and how I really need to tell them how much they mean to me while I can.You asked Jeff if Survivor was still interesting to him and if he still looked at it as a sociology experiment. He continues to have fun and be amazed at how relationships develop during the course of the game. As well, he mentioned that he found himself looking inward more often, examining himself and the type of person he was, is, and wants to be.Second guest: Lauren Holly, currently on NCIS with Mark Harmon. Most people probably haven't followed her career as long as I have. I've been watching her since she was on All My Children (as Julie Rand Chandler). I'd seen her on other shows before that, but those were one shot deals.So, the two of you spoke about meeting at a CBS party. From there, you went into how she met her husband and how she knew she was going to marry him. It was quite sweet. It was a blind date that he didn't really want to go on. Being a man, he brought his friend along. But, Lauren only had eyes for her future husband. The evening wrapped up with a song by Ne-Yo. He sang "So Sick" from his record (or do I have to say CD these days?), In My Own Words -- due out February, 28. Not bad. I'm not much of a hip hop-soul kinda gal, but it wasn't too bad. At least he has a pleasant voice and doesn't rap. The Cow of Time signaled the end of the show. Thanks again for a nice evening, Craiggles. Until next time!Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,JoanieCheck out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website, although you'll be missing so much if you don't watch the entire hour.About the author: Joan Hunt adores Craig Ferguson and television in general. She is not a stalker, even though the restraining order says otherwise. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. She also likes presents. Presents like the Walkers Shortbread Rounds that her daughter gave her for Christmas (a long-standing family tradition and thoughtful gift).

Former Baywatch babe, Playboy centerfold, and stunt double for Abe Vigoda, Managing Editor of Blogcritics and member of the board of directors for BLUSD, Joanie juggles her love of words, music, photography, wildlife, and television with her greatest love -- her kids. In a perfect, non-Mitty-esque world, her days would be elastic, allowing her to accomplish everything on her "to do" list.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 02-01-06

Joan Hunt — Fri, 3 Feb 2006 06:00:54 EST

Dear Craig,Welcome back, you cheeky wee monkey! That day off did wonders for you after Monday night's show. Fine form, yes indeed. And you got a standing ovation when you came out for the monologue. So, there I was, all covered in scented oils, shaved strategically, and waiting for the next "great day in America" topic. I was ready. The great day? Oscar nominations. You summed it up best when you said, "I don't give a rat's ass." Your theory behind the nomination of George Clooney was based on facial hair. According to you, the only way to get the nom if you're a man is to get a beard. Apparently, that should qualify Tom Cruise each and every year, but well, you set that joke up so much better than I ever could. That's why you get paid the big bucks. Right after the Oscar nominations are announced, the Razzies announce their nominees. Fair enough. Dukes of Hazzard and Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo were both nominated as the worst movies of 2005. I didn't even have to see either movie to have predicted that. Halle Berry won a Razzie last year for Catwoman, you noted, but she turned up with her Oscar to accept the golden fruit. Now that's classy!Sketch: Sean Connery's This Day in History - In 1973, Sean Connery was climbing Mt. Fuji and got his arm stuck in a crevasse. There was only one thing he could do - cut it off. [Said arm is holding a drink.] It grew back.Sketch 2: Following the State of the Union Address (during which the President said we, as a nation, are addicted to oil), the Democrats rebutted via Rep. Howell Thurston, who guzzled the black gold; Texas tea; oil, that is, like it was going out of style. Disgusting and funny all at once. Remind me not to use balsamic dressing anymore. That's all I could think of when I saw that.First guest: James Woods (E.R., 2-2-06) came out and was the goofiest I've ever seen him. I rather enjoyed it. Playful, loose, and yes, even a bit cheeky. It was perfect, until the time he said you were a bit stupid. He said it with love, but still...One of my favorite James Woods' movies is The Ghosts of Mississippi, which was absolutely fantastic! Another was 1989's True Believer. That may have been the last scary movie I ever willingly watched. My younger sister and I stayed up late to watch it while our parents were out of town. We both got so freaked out that we ended up huddled together on the sofa, wide-eyed, and looking for anything else on TV that might distract us from the heebie-jeebies.Back to the show. Slightly manic, Woods rambled and gestured his way through the interview. I don't ever recall him being quite so animated, not even when he was on Rolie Polie Olie as Gloomius Maximus. Oh, shush. It's a sweet show and I have kids. I'm allowed.And not only that, I can also go to his online poker site and enjoy that! I can even multi-task and watch him as Gloomius while I'm playing poker. I'm good that way.Sketch: Steve Jones' Diary - fuzzy pink slippers and a little yellow rubber ducky named Trevor. I don't know how you talked this man into doing these spots, but BRAVO!Next up: Piper Perabo, currently of Imagine Me & You and Cheaper By the Dozen 2. She seemed a little uncomfortable with the interview format at first, but was obviously succumbing to your charm, you naughty little pony. Who could blame her, though? Your audience does that every night. Anyway, I think it was your reference to the Blue Hole that made her smile most. I'm just saying!Musical guest: Keaton Simons. He's a little Jack Johnson-y, but with a bit of a David Krumholtz look, and his bassists was somewhat Ben Affleck-ish. I liked. Not the Ben Affleck part, but all the rest. As I've been working my way through musical genres of late, I've been delighted to discover new artists via your show. Craig, you inspire me to look beyond my normal boundaries. That's a good thing. Most of the time.Anyhow, the show was the perfect return to the regular no-tie format for you. Your heart was lighter and you were freer to joke around. When you acknowledged the response of your fans, you were genuine and so very humbled by their condolences. You had to know we'd feel for you, Craiggles! You are adored by millions. That about wraps it up for the evening. I'm looking forward to the next show. Until next time!Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,JoanieCheck out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website.About the author: Joan Hunt adores Craig Ferguson. However, she is not a stalker, despite what the restraining order says. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. She spends her days watching Miami Ink and sketching Craig's face over and over again until she gets the perfect design for Ami James to tattoo on her ample rear end. Yes, we are well-aware that this is likely too much information for the general public, but this is why she is beloved by tens of people.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 1-30-06

Joan Hunt — Tue, 31 Jan 2006 11:21:04 EST

Dear Craig,Tonight's show left me in tears. I am sorry for the loss of your father, Robert Ferguson. Your tribute to him was beautiful and I'm sure he would have been greatly honored to hear you speak of him so lovingly.I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to step on stage and share your grief. As you opened the show, you said your heart was broken, and it was quite apparent. You tried to bring laughter to the monologue, and you succeeded. Your heart was there on your sleeve. His hand on your head as you watched television together and again, 30 some years later in the hospital made me weep. A man of few words, he made his affection for you known in his own way. Fathers can do that like no one else, can't they?In the great Celtic tradition, you celebrated the memory of the man who loved you, raised you and your siblings, took care of your mother, and worked hard to do the best he could for your family. As you spoke of your son singing to your father, I thought of how comforting it must have been for your family to have that bit of sunshine warming the room and his heart. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" in January and a children's song about how "you can be anything you want to be..." brought a smile to your father's face as he lay there in pain. Yes, a little bit of sunshine in gray times is just what we need, isn't it?Dr. Drew, Amy Yasbeck, and the Wicked Tinkers joined you on stage to pay homage to the man you loved and respected. It was moving on many levels.The stories were touching and funny. Your heartache was felt by us all. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. Mere words can't convey my sympathy for you and your family. Thank you, Craig. Robert Ferguson 1930-2006

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 01-16-06

Joan Hunt — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 08:32:19 EST

Dear Craig,What a wonderful week you've been having! From your cranky monologue Monday night right on through to your interview with Phyllis Diller tonight, it's been perfect. I don't know that I'll manage to catch everything, but I do have to mention how much I appreciated your presence in my living room on Monday.I was laughing so hard through Monday night's monologue that I literally had to pick myself up off the floor after falling off the sofa. Don't ask. It wasn't pretty. I suppose someone could make the argument that I was laughing hysterically as a means of coping with tragedy. And, they might be correct. But, that doesn't make you any less funny. In fact, it makes you more beloved and valued for the relief you bring into my home each night. I could be selfish and ask for more relief, but I'll be a good girl and sit here quietly.Yeah, as if that's ever happened!So, where was I? Delightfully cranky to naughty and just plain silly monologues set the tone for some great interviews. Allison Janney, John C. McGinley, and The 88 were on Monday. I rarely watch The West Wing so I can't say much about Janney's performance on the show, but I've seen her in Nurse Betty, Drop Dead Gorgeous, 10 Things I Hate About You, etc. I've loved her performances in all the above. She has a wonderful ability to transform herself into the most lovable and/or interesting characters. My favorite part of your interview with her was when you asked her about John Spencer. Janney lovingly reminisced about him and their friendship. I cried. Next up was John C. McGinley, from Scrubs. Now, I see this show every week. I've had the DVD collections for Seasons 1 & 2 on my wishlist since they first became available. I must interrupt myself and warn everyone not to search Amazon.com for Scrubs The Complete Third Season unless you want to stumble across the book The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio: How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure (Ultimate Everything!!!). I don't know why that came up during the search, but I think it might have something to do with Turk and J.D.'s friendship. Everyone thinks they're gay. So, save yourself the trouble and skip that particular search, m'kay? Back to Scrubs and John C. McGinley. I love Scrubs. I love McGinley. He's so vile and funny as Perry. His moments of tenderness are deftly played against his thuglike treatment of his interns. Perfection! Absolute perfection. Of course, at the end of the interview, you brought up John Ritter. I cried. Too much death for me at a time when I'm a little too fragile and sensitive about such things. Finally, The 88 played. Are they fun or what? I've been listening to their music for a few weeks and thinking about how much they remind me of Queen, mixed with the Kinks. Or something. All I know is that I felt better by the end of the night and that's what I needed.Chalk up another win, Craiggles. You gave relief when you didn't know I'd need it. You gave me the opportunity to shed the tears I needed to cry, laugh when I needed to laugh, and made it all better with a song. Thank you!Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,Joanie Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website. About the author: Joan Hunt adores Craig Ferguson and television. Without meaning to appear obsessed, she faithfully watches and records every episode of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Well, almost every episode. Sometimes she forgets to tape the show and/or falls asleep on the sofa where she dreams about kilts and sporrans. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. Her other love is photography. Someday she hopes to photograph many men in kilts. Many tall men. With accents. And TV shows. Okay, maybe just one tall man with an accent in a kilt. The man will be in the kilt, not the accent. Although, one could make the argument that if the man has an accent and is wearing a kilt...

Craig Ferguson Leads the Late Late Night Pack

Joan Hunt — Tue, 3 Jan 2006 13:39:30 EST

Mike McDaniel, of the Houston Chronicle, ranked the late show lesser-knowns today. In McDaniel's critique of Conan O'Brien, Craig Ferguson, and Jimmy Kimmel, Ferguson received the highest overall score.McDaniel graded each of the late night hosts in the areas of "recent laugh lines", "interviewability", and "overview". Also included in his assessment are the "details": recurring skits/acts, sidekick, band, and airtime. Ferguson's "interviewability" was touted as "easily the best of this bunch. Operates without notes and really converses with his guests." (I couldn't have said it better myself.)O'Brien earned a 7.5 out of 10, Ferguson got an 8.5, and Kimmel nabbed a paltry 6.0.While each of the comics/hosts have a subjective appeal, one certainly can't argue the fact that no one can ever replace the Master of Late Night, Johnny Carson. But, these three are trying their best to honor the man who set the bar so high. With plenty of current affairs material and an endless supply of talent willing to appear on the shows, Ferguson, Kimmel, and O'Brien, can all occupy their respective niches and keep us entertained.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries - Year in Review

Joan Hunt — Tue, 3 Jan 2006 04:42:07 EST

Dear Craig,January 3, 2006, marks the anniversary of your first official night as the new host for The Late Late Show on CBS. What an extraordinary year you've had. It's time to take a bow, sir! Over the last year you have lost your tie, found your voice, and charmed a nation of viewers. It should be noted that not all the viewers are female either. Your wit has served you well. As you became more comfortable with the late night format, you've pushed the envelope with your wonderfully quirky humor. When chatting with your guests, you've been quick-witted and created a warm and receptive environment in which they've felt safe to open up and let it all hang out. In short, you've done what no other late night host has managed to accomplish since Johnny Carson: you've created a forum for major and minor celebrities to shine -- as themselves.Instead of relying on the current "I have something to promote" pool of talent, you've found genuinely interesting authors (Nuala O'Faolain) and producers (Jim Sheridan) to interview, showcased singers you've met in coffee shops, and brought viewers their favorite entertainers from the past (Betty White). All of these guests have left a big impression on your viewers. This is mostly due to your genuine interest in them and their work. There were a couple of live broadcasts in December that were absolutely spectacular! The first, with Jon Cryer and Amy Yasbeck, kept me laughing. I lamented the fact that I couldn't be a part of the audience that night, but I was equally pleased to watch the show from home. Since you're fast on your feet, even your taped shows run smoothly. I wasn't a bit surprised that the live shows went off without a hitch.You've stumbled and laughed at your mistakes along the way. You've shaped the show to fit your unique style. And, yes, one could say that you've also been shaped by the show. You've discovered what works best for you and you've run with it.The eleven-minute monologue is delightful in all its free-form splendor. I've seen those cue cards of yours. The monologue isn't all pre-written as they are for other hosts. Your cue cards simply contain bullet points for reference should you wander off on some fascinating tangent. Oh, what marvelous tangents! Bosch, Freud, space exploration, giant squid!That reminds me of something else. I can't honestly remember a time when I've heard anyone, let alone a talk show host, speak as intelligently as you do on history, art, philosophy, and the sciences. You have a brain and you use it! What an astonishing breakthrough for television!You recently added Shadoe Stevens as your announcer. It's good to hear his voice again. I would love to see you both in some wacky sketch. Maybe he could be your first American agent in a bit about you getting hired for the Drew Carey Show. Something...I'm sure the two of you could come up with something. He's no slouch at the comedy game, you know.Along the way, you have shared your pride in your quest to become an American citizen. You've reminded a great many people that America is a special place. In the process, you've shared many personal stories about Scotland as well as the incredible history of your homeland. Just as you have shown with the late night format, you've embraced that which is new to you with that which is part of you. The journey from your roots to your future is all part of the same fantastic package. This is one present nobody appears willing to give up.Audiences have been responding. The Late Late Show is averaging 1.9 million viewers since the fall TV season started, a 9% increase over last year. Although Ferguson trails NBC's Conan O'Brien, he has set ratings records for the CBS show in the past three Nielsen sweeps months, when local stations set ad rates.Perhaps the most important part of your year in hosting The Late Late Show is that you've created a home for yourself and an audience who longed for something "special" on TV for many years. Now that you have this incredible home, I wish you nothing but continued success as you begin Year 2.Bravo, Craiggles! Thank you for a year filled with laughter, comfort, excitement, inspiration, and amazement. Thank you for making late night TV friendly and welcoming again.Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,JoanieCheck out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website. About the author: Joan Hunt adores Craig Ferguson and television. Without meaning to appear obsessed, she faithfully watches and records every episode of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. Additionally, she likes kilts, tall men, accents, everything Scottish (except haggis), piercing eyes, roguish grins, and well, if you must know, spanikopita. Not that there's a lot of spanikopita in Scotland. It's just another item on the list of things she likes.

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson Adds Sidekick

Joan Hunt — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 01:29:13 EST

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, which debuted on January 3, 2005, will be gaining an in-house announcer/sidekick. The new addition will make his first appearance on the December 19, 2005 show. Who is it, you ask? None other than former home electronics superstore spokesman "Fred Rated", costar on Dave's World, and (Hollywood Squares) center square Shadoe Stevens.Given that both gentleman are charismatic, funny, and extremely talented, the pairing seems like a match made in heaven.This viewer/fan is quite pleased. Uff da, Shadoe! And, kudos to my naughty little pony, Craig, for choosing so well.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-22-05

Joan Hunt — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 05:09:59 EST

Dear Craig,Oh, dearie dear. There's that blue shirt again. Every time you wear that shirt, your blue eyes sparkle and shine more than any man's should. Might I suggest that you reserve those shirts for when we're out dining? Good. Thank you.Monologue: The Japanese competitive hamburger eating champion beat the American champ. Eating competitions didn't exist in Scotland. There wasn't enough to eat. You just tried to avoid rickets. Who comes up with the names for diseases and such? Rickets sounds more like a fence than a medical condition. So does herpes. Actually, herpes sounds more like the name of a clown. Herpes the Clown! Doesn't that sound fun?The 67 hamburgers downed by the Japanese eater sounds a bit much. I can't even imagine! I could maybe eat two, but anything more is asking for trouble. Seriously, there's a major possibility of something rather explosive if I dare tried. There was the clever play on words with the breakfast/brunch and dinner bit. "Yule Brinner". Don't even ask. Sometimes you just have to see or hear something for yourself."I'm making a curry for Thanksgiving this year. Not turkey, though. Turkey's a dry bird, almost sarcastic." Absolutely the best line for the night!The Hollywood Madam, Heidi Fleiss (who frightens me for so many inexplicable reasons), is opening a brothel for women. "Her first employee", Nate, joined you on stage. It was a funny bit. Nate talked about how his mom was a "lady of the night", not a hooker. He always aspired to work in the industry, just like mom. However, the interview process was a bit intense. But, it wasn't the first time Nate worked as a play toy for women. According to him, he was on the amateur circuit for years and is finally excited to be in the pros now.First guest: Jerry O'Connell, from Crossing Jordan and the new Yours, Mine, and Ours. You know what bothers me most about that movie? Other than the fact that it's bound to be a piece of crap, I mean. O'Connell's supposed to be Rene Russo's boss in the flick. At first I thought he was supposed to be her son. The clip that was shown made it look that way, but he's not. He's her boss. I still don't buy it. He still looks too young to be playing someone's boss. More than anything, I object to the movie being remade because the first one was so damn good. Believe it or not, I own the DVD. I'm weird that way. I also own more than 10 Jerry Lewis movies, but I suppose that's a topic for another night, eh?O'Connell talked about his background. His father is English and happened to be back in the green room when you stopped in to say hello before the show. I'm not sure how that translates into anything significant, but I love the fact that lots of wonderful little details about your guests come out during the interview.I remember O'Connell from Stand By Me. I loved that movie. I also liked him a lot better in that than I have in Crossing Jordan. Although, to be fair, I haven't caught many episodes of that show. I've had enough of it from the crossovers they did with Las Vegas. Bah! I'm not one for crossovers unless they involve two shows I really like.Oh well, Jerry's grown up nicely and he's much more tolerable than his awful brother. You remember his brother Charlie, don't you? From The Bachelor? Please, stop gagging. I didn't mean to do that to you. Really. Sorry about that. Let's just move on to something more pleasant, shall we?Sketch: Michael Caine in Space - "Who said you can't go to work drunk? Whoever he is, I'd like to have a word with him. He's wrong."Second guest: Joely Richardson of Nip/Tuck. She has a teenage daughter. As soon as she said that, I started thinking of my daughter (who just turned 13) and I spaced out. Really. All I heard after that was the Mighty Ferg asking, "Seen any bulges tonight?" (Okay, I lied. THAT was the best line of the night.)Oh, you can only imagine what went through my head at that point. No, not you, Craigsy. Nope. I was thinking about my afternoon hug from an admirer. Yes, I have one or two of those. (Shh! It happens!) I like admirers. They're good for the old flagging self-esteem. Anyhow, bulges. That's right. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. And, just think, that could have been you instead of someone else. I'm just saying.Musical guests: The Fray, a pretty cool band from Denver, Colorado. I used to live in Colorado. I saw a lot of bands there, but not them. I think they were probably in elementary school when I lived there. God, I'm old. I don't always feel that old, but it's the truth. I'm six months away from being 40 and there are these adorable young men on your show who make me wish I were so much younger. Younger so that I'd have the energy to dance about like a kid, that is. Shame on you for thinking anything else.Anyhow, the band played a song that an easy listen. I can't remember the name, but if you visit their site, you can hear several cuts and you'll know what I mean. There's a review that says the band sounds like Coldplay, but I think they have more resonance than Coldplay. Really! Also available on their site are photos as chosen by Ben and David's restaurant reviews. You gotta love a band that offers cool stuff like that!That's it for now, Craigster. Once again, it's been a delightful hour of laughter and thought. Until tomorrow...Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,Joanie Bedtime is fun and exciting again. At least it is if you go to bed watching Craig Ferguson! Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific, and see for yourself. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website. About the author: Joan is well aware that her fascination and adoration of Craig Ferguson is little more than silly fantasy, with a dash of lust, the likes of which are common amongst single 39 year-old women. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. And she likes kilts. Especially on tall men. Tall, good looking men. It helps if they're sexy as all get out, too. You know, the kind with piercing eyes and devilish grins. Ooh! It helps if they flirt a bit. We like flirting. Yes, she said "we". Don't ask questions, just go with it.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-21-05

Joan Hunt — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 04:19:45 EST

Dear Craig,I'm well aware that it's been far too long since I've been able to sit down and write you a letter, but that's the nature of house guests and special occasions, isn't it? Yes, I believe so.So where do I start? How about with last Wednesday's taping? It was fantastic! I had the best time and loved the fact that you're just as funny in person as you are on TV. You're even more handsome in person, too.I was very excited about the trip up to Los Angeles to see the show All I can say is, thank God you haven't had Ashlee Simpson on the show. I swear, after she started singing on Letterman tonight, I looked at my guest and said, "I guess now's as good a time as any to start smoking crack." A life of bad skin and rotting teeth would be so much better than Simpson's singing. Really. Again, I'm grateful that you've chosen interesting and diverse guests, Craiggles. Big hugs to you for that! (No props, I don't believe in them.) Monologue: We're on good terms with the Chinese, mainly because one in five born is Chinese. Apparently, the Chinese have developed a spray-on condom. Interesting. Don't keep it on the same shelf as your spray-on hair, though. Anyhow, the spray-on condom is like a bouncer at a nightclub or the Star Trek forcefield. It's there, but...It's a sad day when the big new invention is a spray-on condom, isn't it? It was probably easier to invent things back when there were fewer things available. "If only there was something to help us cross this river..."Flowbee - cutting hair with an attachment to your vacuum cleaner. That would be horrible for you, Craig. I mean, you'd end up with a mouthful of hair every time you attempted to show off your didgeridoo skills.Email: Jimmy in Carson City, NV, writes in to ask if you get brain freeze when you eat ice cream fast. Your reply, "No, but I have noticed that when I smoke marijuana, I get very high."Sketches: Michael Caine in Space - "I can see down ladies' tops way up here."Prince Charles: The Rather Late Programme, brought to you by the British Dental Association. Hysterical! The nag, Camilla...the teeth...the chair I saw in the hallway at CBS Studios...parchments...First guest: Juliette Lewis, lead singer of Juliette and the Licks. The band just finished up their big U.S. tour with a gig at the Troubador in L.A. They travel on a bus, which she says is greatly superior to a van. I understand that. Completely. After seeing some of the vans my favorite bands travel in, I can't imagine how the manage to stay sane and maintain the ability to walk upright. Talk about cramped!Not much going on with Juliette and movies these days. She's been focused on the music and touring. Thankfully, she possesses enough talent to pull that off as well as she does acting.Next guest: Brian Van Holt of Threshold. Try as you might, there wasn't much to draw out of him. He's pleasant enough, but essentially, he's just another actor and that's about it.Musical guests: Juliette and the Licks performed at the end of the show. Talk about energetic! I'm sure that her shows are jam-packed full of frenetic movement. And that's a good thing.Best line of the night? "Sometimes you're just not in the mood for a monkey."Well, that's it for a quick wrap on this show. Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,Joanie Bedtime should be fun and exciting. Craig Ferguson can make that happen. Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific, and see for yourself. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website. About the author: Joan's fascination and adoration of Craig Ferguson is little more than silly fantasy, with a dash of lust, the likes of which are common amongst single 39 year-old women. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. You know, they say that fish and house guests begin to go bad after three days. I had fun with my friend here, but honestly? He's the kind of guy who's wound so tight that everyone around him ends up constipated. I miss him when he goes, but sometimes a week is more than I can take.

Courting Craig Ferguson: The Late Late Show Diaries 11-10-05

Joan Hunt — Sat, 19 Nov 2005 03:58:53 EST

Dear Craig,As I sit here on the sofa with my son asleep beside me, I have tried to stifle my laughter. It's not working. Thankfully, kids tend to sleep through anything (unless you want them to) and I can fully enjoy the show. I don't get how kids can be so oblivious to their surroundings and fall asleep anywhere. In any position. But, that's okay. I'll just accept the fact that it happens and go with the flow.Monologue: You teased us by saying you'd talk sex talk for the full 60 minutes, but you didn't. "Can you imagine what it would be like if 60 Minutes did that?" There are some people we just don't need to hear talk about sex. Ed Bradley would be okay. I get the feeling he's had sex a few times. I just don't want to think of any of the rest of them doing anything involving nude naughty bits. No thanks.The amount of sexual content on American TV has doubled since 1998. Researchers spent thousands of hours watching television, counting the number of times sexual acts occur. It's a thankless job. Can you imagine having to sit around waiting for sex on TV? It's not completely unlike waiting for the pay channels to unscramble except that there's less to get excited about.In the 1950s, you couldn't show a husband and wife in the same bed. It's true. And, it's amazing at how much has changed over the years. Now we're lucky if we can keep someone's ass covered while they're in a sexual situation on a TV show.Watching TV with your dad while you were growing up, you said it was uncomfortable for both of you. I can relate. When I was a kid, I couldn't watch people kissing if someone else was in the room. I just couldn't. To me, it was the same as watching someone go to the bathroom. It was uncomfortable and unnecessary.Then there's the whole thing about the bed sheets in TV sex scenes. I don't know about anyone else, but I've never been able to get my sheets to cooperate and cling to me the way they do on TV. I guess that's what I get for using a good fabric softener.Email: Jana from Belle Fourche, SD - "Have you ever had the chickenpox?" Instead of a simple answer, there was an explanation about how vaccinations were developed. Cool stuff. Craiggles, you should have been the one to give that lecture in to my class when I was in nursing school. Your version was much more interesting. Dave Foley came out to discuss a religion he created. Aaaaism is the name. It will be listed first in the phone book. The problem with most religions today is that they're all about "no". Aaaaism is the first religion to say "yes", except to the Norwegians. No Vikings. Nope, none here. Instead of aliens like Scientology has, Aaaaism has elves take you to Bermuda. And, it dates back to eleven days ago. First guest: John Malkovich, currently starring in The Libertine with Johnny Depp. He's still losing his hair and I almost wish he'd just shave it all off. There comes a point in most men's lives, where it seems they should just give in to the "movement". Malkovich comes across as very soft-spoken, but I'd like to see him angry. Or goofy. Something different and surprising would be nice for a change, don't you think? Then came a revelation: I didn't know he'd sold paper clips at one time. He says he did and I believe him.From paper clips to more philosophical fare: Craig: Is part of the art the way you live? JM: I like this work, I never wanted anything out of it. Weird bad guys are the Malkovich forte. He's never been offered the role of the wacky neighbor. No one offers him the role of the hero. It's just one of those things. I think he should play Jim Ignatowski in the big screen version of Taxi. Tony Danza can play the role of Tony. Couldn't you just envision Malkovich as Jim? He could finally be paid a lot of money for a wacky role.The interview was actually very interesting; especially with a bottle of ginger ale and some baby carrots to snack on while watching it. I don't know that the soda or the veggies had anything to do with the quality of the interview or if they merely added to the overall enjoyment of the moment itself. That shall have to remain a mystery. I have other things to worry about.Sketch: Michael Caine in Space. "Eating with chopsticks is a bloody nuisance."Next guest: RZA, one of the founding members of the Wu-tang clan. He's in the movie Derailed with Jennifer Aniston and Clive Owen. Oops! You spoke too soon, apparently.Dave Foley walked out instead of RZA. "He couldn't make it tonight. He's been delayed." I loved it! You know, I really miss News Radio and the silliness of the entire cast. Now, we get Maura Tierney on E.R., Andy Dick on just about everything, and Joe Rogan on Fear Factor. I could do without the last two.Final guest: Kyle Cease, comic - not the strongest of comedians to appear on the show, but certainly not the worst out there. Trust me, I've seen the bottom of the barrell and it ain't this pretty. He was "okay" and I'll leave it at that. Maybe next time, Kyle! By the way, I should mention that Cease is, indeed, funny. I just spent the last ten minutes laughing myself to tears over one of his blog entries on his site. (Scroll down to the entry where he has the longest conversation - ever - with his father. As well, I liked him as Bogie Lowenstein in 10 Things I Hate About You. Really, truly...next time, dude! Sometimes you just don't hit the mark with a performance. The Cow of Time has mooed and off to bed we go, Craigsy. Thank you for the wonderful hour, even if you didn't spend it all talking about sex. Maybe next time.Your cheeky wee monkey and saucy little minx,Joanie Bedtime should be fun and exciting. Craig Ferguson can make that happen. Check out The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on CBS, Monday-Friday, 12:30 AM, Pacific, and see for yourself. If you can't stay up that late and/or refuse to record the show, you can always catch up on the monologues and skits on the LLS website. About the author: Joan's fascination and adoration of Craig Ferguson is little more than silly fantasy, with a dash of lust, the likes of which are common amongst single 39 year-old women. She lives many miles safely south of Los Angeles and CBS Studios. Her current obsession involves finding butter mints. Apparently, every store in San Diego County has stopped carrying them this week. Needless to say, Joan's wasted precious time and energy that could be better spent on Craig chasing after a silly confection. And, yes, I'm well aware that I have many episodes to cover and get caught up.