http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005-2007 by the authors Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:29:48 EST http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/ Phillip WinnSunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding. Administration0@blogcritics.org Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/29/222948.php T StoddartHey all! Yes, I have strayed from my usual posting regularity in the last week. I do believe I am suffering from a serious case of Post Traumatic Turkey Stress, or PTTS. The symptoms, as far as I can tell, are severe inactivity, deep relaxation, and a fear of anything blog related. But never fear! I am now ready to supply those few loyal readers with yet more drops of Evil Office wisdom, in the form of my favorite post: Backstabber's Office Rules! And here they are:This lesson is one of my favorites. Like some of the earlier rules, lesson #9 is definitely difficult to put into action. Most people are too vain to learn such a strategy, let alone actually use it. Conversely, this strategy is also one of the most successful. I call it the "Columbo" effect. "Superiority is a virus; spread it to all your enemies."Did you ever watch "Columbo"? It was a semi-decent television detective show, that had quite a good run. I ask this because "Columbo", the main character, always employed a tactic which brought him great success. Whenever good old "Columbo" met a potential enemy, he played the role of idiot. He asked the right questions, kept his mouth shut, his ears open, but he never let his murder suspects believe that he was competent enough to catch their arrogant behinds. And this, loyal readers, will work for you guaranteed!Leading others to believe they are superior to you will always leave you in an advantageous position. When people feel superior, they don't view you as a threat. When you are not a threat, they let their guard down, and their arrogance kicks in. You have disarmed them mentally. They will divulge anything to you. The key is to let them talk, never interrupt, never help, and never correct them.If you really want to succeed in business, this tactic will always be your best asset. Knowing when to play dumb is the smartest thing you could ever learn. Just ask "Columbo", he solved ever murder case in less than thirty minutes.The second drop of golden wisdom goes as follows:Time for the school bell to ring because you, my little, disturbed, career minded, over achieving, backstabber's in the making, are in need of another lesson. Today's class will focus on the subject of character assassination...ooooooh, alright settle down, all of you! Eyes front, ears open, okay, here it is:"Never try to blast through a wall, you will always leave some of it standing...instead, take it down piece by piece. That way it will never stand in your way again."This lesson is wordy, but chalk full of Evil Office goodness. Now for those students who don't understand, raise your hands.....okay, I see many of you need more information, so let me explain it further.If you find someone is blocking your path, let's say a fellow co-worker, and you would like to have this person taken out of the running for that new promotion, then your best course of action would be to destroy this person's character. Cast permanent doubt on their ability to function. Take them out of the running for this, and any future promotion that may arise. I'm talking complete character manipulation and destruction.How? Well that is what our lesson eloquently details. To take down a wall, or co-worker, you must take small steps. To try and take this wall down in one fell swoop, would only lead to your failure. Leaving any part of your co-worker standing, will bring about swift revenge. No, you must plant small seeds of doubt that grow over time to fully encompass this individual.The best way to achieve full assassination is to sprinkle your seeds with truth. Know your target, and use that knowledge against them. Do they have a bad habit? Use it. Do they involve themselves in activities after work that are illegal or immoral? Use it. If you can't find anything truly Evil, know your opponent well enough that any rumor you do spread will be believable.Whatever you say and do----Do it brick by brick!Class dismissed! Culture41595@blogcritics.org Thu, 29 Dec 2005 22:29:48 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/20/113243.php T StoddartMy last post, "The Apprentice-Randal is Evil", brought about some heated debate. I was glad for the chance to hear your comments, and thoughts, about your concept of evil. For that, I thank you. But, as the comments went on, there was one notion that struck a cord with me: the concept of ethics in the business environment. Most of us would like to believe that companies are more aware of ethical issues, and are conducting their businesses within such framework. I, also, would like to think that there is some accountability taking place, but, something about the idea of capitalism just won't let me believe that everyone is onboard. Especially big business. Ethics, to me, seem to be opposed to the idea of capitalism. The concept of a free market seems restricted when wrapped in the tight fabric of ethics. I could be wrong, I'm sure Rodney (a commentor from the last post) would think I am. I just didn't know. So, as any good researcher would do, I spent some time on the information highway. Now, I am well aware that a large percentage of information on this medium cannot be constituted as "truth", but I am also aware that my local, and national, news source may not be impartial either. News is also a business. And, they, too, must also succeed by any means they feel necessary. So, in saying that, I had to take all information as suspicious. Now I searched for awhile, and eventually landed on an article titled "Most Wanted Corporate Human Rights Violators of 2005." This title tickled me in my evil spots, so I investigated further. This article, listed here, went on to outline its findings on the 14 most abusive companies, and the crimes they have been accused of committing. The list is interesting to say the least. Whether or not I believe such accusations is of no relevance. I leave such decisions to you. What is interesting is that I, personally, have supported a few of these companies on a regular basis. I can even go so far as to say that I have more than paid the salary of at least one executive, at the Coca Cola company, with the amount of their sweet concoctions I have ingested. Sad, I know, but true. (Secretly, I'm still searching for the article that states Coke still puts real Coke into their soft drinks. That I would believe.)This article, however truthful, did give life to the wooden cogs in my head. I began to ask myself a few questions. Would I support a company who knowingly abused human rights? Would I buy products from a company who used child labor? Would I even take the time to find out what a company was doing outside the borders of this country, if I had a notion it wasn't right? I would like to think the answers to these questions would be no, no, and yes, but I just don't know. Let's say that I did find out that Coke was indeed guilty of the crimes mentioned in this article. Would it stop me from consuming my daily 300 milliliters of the dark magical syrup? Umm, I guess I could go cold turkey. I mean we are talking human rights here. And because of that, my mild addiction can be cast aside. I am not totally without heart. What if Wal-Mart was also guilty of the aforementioned human rights violations? Would I stop shopping for bargains there? Yes, I think I could avoid their super box stores, and find a local retailer who doesn't have eight year old kids sewing socks in the back room till all hours of the night. Yes, I could do that.What if the company, who employed me right now, was conducting illegal activities in another country? Could I separate myself from my handsome salary, and find work with a less evil entity? Could I risk it? That, I don't know. I'm not sure if I could endanger myself, and my livelihood for the sake of morality. Again, sad, but true. I don't think I'm alone, either. Where is your line? I mean, really, have you ever taken the time to find out exactly how your employer operates? Do you know where all your supplies are manufactured? In what countries? Do you even know where your company profits are going? Are they being rifled into the account of some company, or person, you know to be a criminal, a racist, or a radical? You don't know for sure, do you? Neither do I. However truthful this article is, we are still left with the ethical dilemma it poses. How far would we go to not support companies who don't have any ethical frame work? And, how far we would let our lives be affected by our ethical beliefs? I don't have all the answers for you, or for myself. Such things come with investigation, and reflection. The one thing I am sure of is that if I were to see these violations first hand, instead of hearing whispers escaping from third world countries, I would have no choice but to take a stand. That would also mean that I would have to take down the makers of the one thing that gets me through the day. And that is a small price to pay for ethics. The fourteen companies identified by Global Exchange are: Caterpillar, Chevron, Coca-Cola, Dow Chemical, Dyncorp/CSC, Ford Motor Company, Kellog Brown & Root (KBR), Lockheed Martin, Monsanto, Nestlé USA, Philip Morris, Pfizer, Suez-Lyonnaise Des Eaux (SLDE), and Wal-Mart. Culture41257@blogcritics.org Tue, 20 Dec 2005 11:32:43 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/16/123046.php T StoddartLoyal readers, I watched, with extreme delight, as Randal was awarded a "position" with the Trump organization (not to go off topic, but I think his choice to work on the Atlantic City casino revamp was poor. Good luck pulling that billion dollar bomber out of its nose dive.).Believe it, or not, I had secretly rooted for Randal all along. No, I'm not a bandwagon jumper. I honestly felt Randal was one of the most talented, and educated, participants ever to grace this reality template. He proved himself week after week, never losing a task he had control of. As for everyone else who participated, I say "blah". Yes, I said blah.I know, right now you're belly aching "what about Rebecca, and her broken ankle?" For that, I will give her some credit, but, if you want to talk about someone who toughed out a broken ankle, then I give you Bobby Baun. For those of you who don't know, Bob played the overtime period, in game 6 of the 1964 Stanley Cup finals, for the Toronto Maple Leafs, and scored the game winning goal. Then, two days later, played game 7 in its entirety, eventually going on to win the cup, and yes, he did all this with a broken ankle! To me, that's toughing it out. Hobbling around on some crutches, not so much. But, I digress.The reality is Randal deserved to win. Those of you, who disagree, give your head a shake (preferably close to something sharp). Randal will be an asset to Trump, no doubt. How can I be so sure that Randal was the best choice? Wasn't he too nice to make it in the cannibalistic environment that is New York City? Hah! Randal proved he's got what it takes not even two minutes into his victory.Trump, in a plotted move, attempted to pull the "everybody feels good" stunt when he inquired to Randal about Rebecca, prodding him to admit that she, too, was deserving of a position with the Trump organization. Randal, in all his post victory glory, was having nothing to do with this sad display. He shut her, and this lame exploit, down tout sweet. And with a chorus of boos ringing in his ears, Randal made it known that there was room for only one apprentice, him. As he put it, "this was The Apprentice, not The Apprenti." And with that, Randal stood, and extended his arms wide in victory. No one was going to dim his spotlight, not the production crew, not even Trump.Bravo, Randal! Bravo! You, my friend, have shown America the way, the Evil Office way. For this I can only smile, and nod in approval.I write many articles about this very type of behavior, maybe you've read one? Some of you agree with my Evil rants, rightly so. Some of you make it known, that such behavior, was to be avoided in the workplace, okay, I can see your point. But, some of you even went so far to call these deeds childish, unnecessary, and detrimental to the overall health of an office. To you, I can now laugh louder than before.Randal proved my point. If you want to play with the big dogs, leave your compassion at the door. There is no room in a business career for it. You want to be compassionate? Find another career. Or, better yet, save the Mother Theresa act for after hours.Personally, I'm very charitable, but do I bring that into my office? No, my acts of humanity are for my eyes only, not a tool for self promotion. My feet are firmly planted on the ground, not on a soapbox. But, when the office door closes, it's all business.You can disagree all you want. I know you will. In the end, though, I know that the selfish path is the safest path. Do you honestly think Trump became a millionaire by being compassionate? How about Gates? Anyone who's read his life story knows that theft, manipulation, and greed were his tools to become one of the richest men on the planet. His recent charity, I believe, is a direct result of his marriage. His wife, bless her soul, was able to see through the fog of war, to a higher purpose. But that's easy to do when you're sitting on a pile of gold.For the rest of us, until the day we can light cigars with hundred dollar bills, we'd better learn that emotional detachment is essential for personal success. The ladder you climb is only one person wide. If compassion drives you to want to stop, and let someone pass, then be prepared to have the soles of their shoes planted firmly in the middle of your face as they leap over you. And, in the end, the pain of my truth hurts a lot less than a wing tip kicking you in the face.Ramble on. Video41092@blogcritics.org Fri, 16 Dec 2005 12:30:46 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/14/121929.php T StoddartSilence, loyal students! It is now time for you to assume the lotus position, eat some Kung Pow chicken, and maybe turn on some re-runs of Kung-Fu-The legend Continues. Or, you can sit there and do nothing. Either way, get ready for more pearls from the Confucius of the Cubicle. Here we are, golden Evil Office Politics lesson number six. I hope the previous five have given you some footing, for which you have gained some perspective. Some Evil perspective--(cue the devilish laughter)--he, he, he..."Fear failure, but be more fearful of great success."Failure at work can mean the quick death of your career, and is to be avoided at all costs. Success, while extremely vital, can also bring about a short career. How so? It all comes down to perception: how those above you see the impact of such a success on their position. No one in management wants to be outshined, and your great individual success can take away the luster that gained them this position in the first place. Outshine a manager just once and you will be the recipient of animosity, fear, and great resentment. But, turn over this success to your manager, and watch your personal value triple. Learn it, live it.A gong sounds......you are asked to "clear your head". Prepare, now, for another lesson, my grasshoppers.Valued students of Evil Office Politics, we reach yet another post of infinite wisdom. If you have ever wondered where these golden nuggets of information come from? Well, you can keep wondering. I'm not about to tell you how I am able to channel the spirit of Ghengis Khan, or how much it really hurts when I do."Always taking the high road will leave you gasping for breath."This one may take a little explanation. Basically, what I came up with here, in my post Ghengis haze, was a very astute, if I may say so, observation about office relationships. There is a vital factor that all great Evil Office Politics players must be aware of. It is the importance of information.Every office has a do-gooder, a person who always makes you feel guilty for your indulgences, even though you are well aware of their implications. We all know this do-gooder is a real pain in the ass. He/She is the person you avoid telling anything juicy to. The do-gooder is never imparted with the real office dirt, gossip, or steamy tidbits that float around every office. Why? Because no one wants to feel guilty for partaking of such pleasures. It is these sinful little occurrences that make life enjoyable, and make our jobs tolerable.So go ahead and take the high road. Don't get involved in gossip, don't indulge yourself in a little sin once and awhile, don't appear to be one of the clan, and sooner or later, the most vital sources of information will have vanished leaving your career gasping for life. In short, INFORMATION IS THE OXYGEN YOUR CAREER NEEDS TO LIVE.Got it? Good, now I can spend the afternoon ridding myself of the rest of Ghengis. Oooooh, this is gonna hurt.The gong sounds for the last time. Take a deep, cleansing breath, and go back to work. Now! Go! Get out! This temple isn't open all frigging day!Later. Culture40975@blogcritics.org Wed, 14 Dec 2005 12:19:29 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/12/142956.php T StoddartI am departing from my normal Evil Office Politics rant today in order to bring you the details of the sad saga that is my relationship with the world leader in internet browsers. Yes, you guessed by the title, I'm talking about the juggernaut known as Google. For those of you who have had dealings with this company, my story will be nothing new. For those of you lucky enough to have not had to deal with them, of which I'm sure there are few, this story will be of interest. This story is, by no means, outlandish, incendiary, or all that important, but, in my eyes, is a sign of the times with this once great billion dollar company. So, call it a cautionary tale, if you will. Or, better yet, call it the insignificant tale of a small boy versus a large company (no, not David and Goliath, because in that tale, David actually won). You can even go so far as to call it crap, and I'm sure some of you will, I don't care. Just remember, Microsoft also had loyal fans at one time. What does that mean? All I am saying is get your head out of your ass, and take a good look at the next Microsoft. Before I go on, I just want to say that these events are true. From my understanding, I cannot be charged with libel unless I make false, malicious statements. So I would like to take this time to state that the following comments constitute my opinion, and are made in truth as best I remember. Let's hope I'm right about this. Alright then, what is this situation that I speak of? Well, it started out when I decided to use the Adwords program to help promote my blog. It seemed to be the best service out there at the time. I did my research, read all the supplied material from the Google website, then went online and researched some more. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into. And, after much deliberation, I signed up for the program. Here's where it gets funny. Because I live outside of the US (I'm in Canada), I had the payment options of credit card (which I won't use online), or bank transfer. I chose bank transfer. So, off went the hundred dollars they requested in order to activate the account. Fast forward two days.The fifty words I had chosen, and for the most part paid thirteen cents each for, were now all inactive. The majority of my Adwords were now sixty five cents and some of the key words, directly related to my site, had skyrocketed to over a dollar twenty five a click! I was shocked. There was no way I could afford this. Out of confusion, I contacted Google by phone. And, after much back and forth, I was left as confused as before I had called. The CSR was of no help in deciphering the science that is Adwords. I decided, at this point, to suspend the account. I was not paying what they asked. To be more precise, I couldn't pay what they asked even if I wanted to. After much debate, with friends and those inclined to the black arts of internet knowledge, I decided it was time for me to get my money back and try another avenue. Simple right? Just go to the online form and request my money back, which after deductions, was now ninety dollars. Simple? No f'n way. First, my password, the only password I ever had, was not accepted. I was given an error code every time I entered it. Then I tried to email Google to explain my problem. Three days later, I received an email back saying that everything was fine and I could again request my refund. Ah, no. The same error message appeared. I again emailed, and two days later, the same agent said that there was a "technical" problem and she would have to get back to me. A week later, I receive a cryptic email stating that "technical support" is working on my issue, and an answer should be forthcoming. Three more days pass and nothing. I again email, and this time I'm a little more emphatic about my request. Another two days pass before a response. This time I talked with another agent. She told me that "because of the nature of my payment (i.e. bank transfer), there would be a problem". The reason for this trouble lay in the recent "change over" in equipment, but I was assured the problem was temporary and my money would be returned shortly. Okay, sure, I bought into this, even though the idea of a giant internet company not being able to conduct an online bank transfer was a little funny to me, personally. Another week passed with nothing, not even an update email. So, as you may have guessed, I emailed back to see what the hell was up with my ninety bucks. Two more days pass before a response. This time, I am told that she, the CSR, would take all my information and have the transfer processed internally. Okay, I filled out her request form and submitted it. Then, as you may have guessed, nothing happened. No email, no information, and most importantly, no refund. Entering week five, I was very pissed. I wanted my ninety dollars, and I wanted it now. I thought, at this time, how I was starting to sound like the newspaper kid in that movie "Better off Dead", you know, the "I want my two dollars" kid? He rocked. I wish I knew that kid because I guarantee he would've had my money back to me by now. Anyway, I had the notion that it was time to start with the phone calls. So I did. I called Google, long distance, asked for Adwords, and spoke with another CSR. To no surprise, she told me that the problem was technical, and that everyone was working on fixing this issue. She also told me how thankful they were that I was being so understanding, and patient. This pissed me off even more. I didn't need her pity, I needed my damn money. "Shit," I said. "Why is it so damn difficult to give me my money?" She didn't know, but assured me that my money would be given back as soon as the problem was fixed. What problem? Well, the "technical" problem, of course. And what was that? She couldn't tell me. Steam billowed from my ears, I began to yell. "You're an internet giant, and you're telling me you can't transfer money from one account to another?" She said nothing. I hung up. Two more calls were placed, one two days later, the other was placed a day after the last. I spoke to several people, all CSR's, even though I asked to speak with someone who had a higher position in the company. Everyone one understood my problem, and to their benefit, were very nice to me, but all of them said nothing could be done until the difficulties were sorted out. It was at this point I turned into something that resembled a smaller, redder, angrier version of the Hulk. I almost blew a nut. The transformation seemed to work, though. I was transferred to someone in accounting. Now we are getting somewhere, I thought. I thought wrong. This new person told me that he would "personally" put through my transfer, and I would receive it on the sixth. He even promised me, after I made him that is. The sixth came and went. Another six days pass.So where is all of this going? I don't know. I am now entering the sixth week of this affair still with no resolution. I have gone through all the stages of emotions, from the heights of anger to lows of acceptance. If I lived in the same state, I would have gladly brought them to small claims court, and demanded money for the suffering they put me through. But, I cannot do this from my icy retreat in Canada.My last phone call was just before sitting to jot all of this down. This time I spoke to someone I believe was named "Renny". She understood my problem, and stated that I would be contacted by a manager within two hours, and this person would be able to get me my money back. I don't believe her, call it a gut feeling. It is now 2:15 p.m. I called at 12:30 p.m. The clock is ticking, and my blood is slowly rising from a simmer. I am ready to go and stick my head in the snow bank outside my door. This is not over...yet. Actually, I'm looking into making t-shirts that state the title of this post ( I got Googled and my ass hurts). I bet that would draw the attention I need. Screw it, I'm making one for myself anyway.Tick, tick, tick. Culture40876@blogcritics.org Mon, 12 Dec 2005 14:29:56 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/09/130423.php T StoddartAs you gaze upon another Evil Office Politics gem, ponder over what a great martial artist once said: "learn everything. Discard what is useless. Master what remains." Why? Well, not every lesson will be immediately useful, but like every new student you must learn it. If you find you don't need it, toss it aside. If you find it useful, know it inside and out."A useful tool never gets left in the toolbox."This fortune cookie-esque analogy is sweet, and completely useful. People, not tools, although some people can be tools, are at their safest when they are at their most useful. You must learn to become necessary. How? Find what's in demand in the office and become the best at it. The more mindless the task the better as most of the people in your office won't want to do it, and gladly let you do the dirty work for them. Eventually everyone will expect, and rely, on you to do it. Find enough of these tasks, and soon you'll be the one who has quietly gained a reputation for getting things done. Now who wants to get rid of someone who is so vital to the day to day functioning of the office?And the sixth lesson goes something like this:Alright loyal readers, here is another snippet of Evil Office Politics code for you to ingest, learn, master, and then turn loose on your unsuspecting backstabbing co-workers. Or just read for giggles."Those most loyal to the king were always buried with him, whether they were dead or not."Loyalty is a funny issue. It has its virtues, if used properly, but it comes at a great price. That price usually means that when the ship is going down, you are firmly planted right next to the captain. No new manager, or supervisor, wants a servant of the old regime by their side. They see you as the bad luck that brought the old leader down. You will never again be trusted or considered worthy enough to be a confidant. And when you are not in the inner circle, you are out of the loop.Be careful with it comes to loyalty. Your career depends on it.Ring the gong, my students, this meditation is over....later! Culture40757@blogcritics.org Fri, 9 Dec 2005 13:04:23 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/08/104658.php T StoddartNews reporters are a funny breed. Some take their journalistic oath to heart, and search for the truth in every article. Some, conversly, take it upon their narrow shoulders to use their talents to search for the best way to distort the truth in an effort to increase circulation.I had always assumed that what I seen, read, and heard was merely a fraction of light in the wide spectrum of truth. Truth comes in all colors. We all perceive it differently, and, for the most part, truth is up for subjective interpretation. In saying that, I had the opportunity to see the light of truth blanketed out by the shadow of a personal agenda. Allow me to explain.My friend, no, not me, was working for a very successful venture capitalist for several years. Learning the "ins" and "outs" of this profitable business from one of its chosen sons. My friend, lets name him "X", was doing very well financially, but was very aware of the inherient nature of this business. In other words, you get in, make money, and you move on. Anyone dumb enough to actually stick around, and build a business, was stuck with the liabilities and enormous risk. "X" knew better, and was already on his way to carving out quite a stake for himself, and an even larger stake for his boss. But such success does not go unnoticed, especially when there is a rumored undertone of illegal activites. Here is where the fun begins."X" was contacted one day, by a reporter from a mid sized newspaper, and asked if he would like to comment on his business. "X" agreed figuring this press would be good for the business. This, as you will come to read, was a mistake.Our reporter friend had other intentions. He began to interview "X" in a normal fashion, but quickly turned his line of questions to "X"'s boss. Now, fully aware that his boss had a somewhat shady past when it came to the NY Stock Exchange, but never had been charged or convicted of anything, "X" did his best to steer clear of this prodding but was met with more accusation and inuendo.Needless to say, the interview, or should I call it attack, was abruptly ended. "X" was pissed, and decided to contact the paper to voice his complaints about the back handed nature of this reporter. The paper replied with apologies, and a promise to look into the matter. "X" also informed his boss of the reporter. His boss was very interested in where such interest suddenly sprung forth from, and decided to call around. After some investigation, it came to light that a long time rival of "X"'s boss was on the warpath to take him down. This advesary decided to inform the paper of some activities that "may, or may not, be taking place" (exact words) at "X"'s workplace. The only thing "X", and his boss, could do now was wait and see.Two days later, the article was published, and let me tell you this, it was so full of inaccuracies it could have been front page in the Weekly World News. Yes, it was that bad. The article went so far as to claim that "X" was also involved in insider's trading, and became "almost physical" when he tried to remove the reporter from the office. Both bold face lies. The article went on to quote "sources" to bolster its claims of illegal activites, sources already known to be convicted by the Securities and Exchange Commission. Well, the fall out continued from there, but, in all truth, the article drew more positive business than the few it drove away. Funny how the mere mention of "illegal activities" peaked investors interests. It doesn't suprise me though, everyone knows crime does indeed pay, and it pays well. Too bad the competition is so deadly.Days passed, and things did go back to normal, but each of us who knew "X" walked away with a very changed view of the written word. I would love to post a link to the article, but I do not want to draw attention to persons who do not wish it. I am also not in the habit of promoting lies. Plus, you would not be able to tell how far the article went to smear my friend and his spotless reputation.Let it just be said that as far as we, in the corporate environment, may go to achieve success, there are professions out there where limitations are unknown. My Evil, is not at the level of Evil of others. So be forewarned, you may have a similar experience but with a very different outcome. And, if you didn't already know, never, ever, believe what you read---good or bad (including this post, if you want).Later... Culture40696@blogcritics.org Thu, 8 Dec 2005 10:46:58 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/07/105959.php T StoddartAnother very popular section on my blog is the weekly letter, sent in by my loyal readers. It is usually a work inspired horror story passed on to you in an effort to save you from a similar fate. I call these real life experiences:BACKSTAB(s) OF THE WEEK. Here is a beauty from my archieves.....read, learn, share, and most of all stab. BACKSTAB OF THE WEEKAlas, another week has passed in offices around the world, and even more people have been victimized by the system of Evil Office Politics. The short letter below is a definite example of the term "backstab", and I feel is an all too often occurrence. Remember: if you have a story that fits into this site, email me and maybe I'll post your sad story and even give you a t-shirt in return....maybe. Here's this weeks Evil lesson....To Evil Office Politics:I really enjoy your site, all the lessons and stories are a great eye opener to what really goes on in the office. It's just too bad I didn't know of it sooner, because I was the victim of a bad backstab just recently and I would like to tell you about it. Maybe someone will learn from my mistake.It was a month into my new job, with a mid-sized ad company, when my supervisor asked me into his office. He told me that he liked my work habits, and asked me if I would help him on a "secret project". I agreed to help even though I thought it was a weird request.He asked me to brainstorm with him on some new campaign ideas for a potential client. He said that if we were to land this client, we would both be promoted to bigger and better positions. Needless to say, I was very eager to prove myself. This is what I went to school for, and this was my big chance to make a name for myself.After a couple weeks of sleepless nights, and countless hours, I came up with a few great ideas. One idea I thought was perfect. My boss was also floored by the idea, and instantly agreed that this would be the one to land this high profile client. All he had to do now was to set up a meeting, with one of the company owners, and we would be off to the races.He called me into his office the next day, and said that the meeting was to be that afternoon but that I could not attend as the owner did not have time for a prolonged presentation, he only wanted the gist of it. I understood, who was I to get in with the owner after only a couple months? My boss asked me for my laptop, well their laptop I was supplied with, because it had all the material already prepared on it.The end of the day came and went without me talking to my boss. The next day I managed to get into his office, even though he was too busy to talk to me. I asked for my laptop back, so I could get my work done, and he said there was a problem with it and he had to give it to our tech department. He assured me that it would be given back by the end of the day.It was given back, but all of my campaign information was gone! Wiped off the hard drive completely! I asked my boss what happened and he said the hard drive had crashed during his talk with the owner, and he couldn't get it back. It was now I thought something was up. I asked him how everything went, he said it was not really what the owners wanted and passed on the idea.A month later, I was in the staff room and I heard someone saying that the company had just landed a huge client and that my boss was being put in charge of the campaign. By now you have guessed what happened. I was lied to, my idea was used, and my name was never brought up. I tried talking to one of the owners, but was met with disbelief and some annoyance. He asked me for proof but the only proof I had was on my laptop, and that was wiped clean. I was then told that the company does not employ liars, or unprofessional trouble makers, and I was immediately let go.Needless to say, I couldn't do anything about it. I had no proof. My boss screwed me for a great job, a large increase in salary, and no evidence of his backstab. I was royally messed over. It took me a long time to get another job since my new "reputation for lying" had preceded any interview I had in the field.I am still bitter now, but I have learned to cover my ass in everything I do. I hope anyone reading this will learn to do the same.Thanks(name withheld)Backstabber's reply: Evil, truly evil! Your boss should have a column on this site. This is a classic move that has been in service since the first time man created fire. Everyone wants to take credit for work they didn't do, you are one of millions who have been given the golden back hand. My advice for everyone is to take heed of this tale and always, I SAID ALWAYS, have control over your ideas. This means documenting your work in several ways, be it email, hard copy, or electronic signature on all your work. Just be warned!!!! In almost all cases, any idea created in the work environment may belong to the company--check your contract--they may already have you over a barrel. So if you're gonna think----don't think at work. Culture40645@blogcritics.org Wed, 7 Dec 2005 10:59:59 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/06/163554.php T StoddartFor those of you in the know, this series of helpful insights began its life on Blogcritics last Sunday. For those of you who don't know-shame on you. I decided to include two, yes two, lessons today as both are somewhat short on content. Together, though, they are a veritable philisophical force. Please, study them well young grasshopper, and maybe someday you'll be able to snatch the knife from my hand. But it's not likely.Here's the first lesson:Hello Everyone: I received a comment from another veteran of the office politics game. I know this person on a personal level and let me tell you, he knows how to play EVIL OFFICE POLITICS, I've seen him handle many potentially explosive situations with skill, cunning, and a level head. Here is his lesson for you to learn:"Believing others have your back will only leave you hanging bare assed in the wind."No matter how a "team member" insists they will back you over an office issue, they are lying! You are not, I repeat, you are not the inspirational leader rallying the troops against your oppressive manager. No, you are the sole idiot standing in an office face to face with a boss who now thinks you're disruptive and potentially damaging to the company he reigns over. So, never believe people will support your ideals no matter how right you are. Like that one? Good, here's the second gem:Today's lesson is the hardest for most to put into practice:"An open mouth always leads to an empty cubicle."So many times I have watched this happen to fellow employees, and sadly, I have been a victim myself. It is a very nasty habit to talk too much, to tell stories about yourself, or worst of all, tell others more than they need to know. This lesson is close to Lesson #1 but differs in the sense that even if you don't talk about yourself, you can still talk too much. Gabbing about others, the company, the management is all a disease that will lead to you being fired. Believe me, the less you say about everything, the better off you will be. You don't have to be a mute, as that would be rude, but if you must talk, just say enough to keep others spilling their guts. Shut your gob and keep your job.So, there you have it. Now, sit in the lotus position for several hours (or until your legs go numb), drink some green tea, and contemplate your office fate. One more word, Grasshopper, avoid the Kung Pow chicken at all costs.....;-) Culture40585@blogcritics.org Tue, 6 Dec 2005 16:35:54 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/05/134559.php T Stoddart In an attempt to help my loyal readers, at the moment there are few as this is a new site, I will delve into the social side of Evil Office Politics. Once in awhile there seems to me to be a template that is true for me as it is for anyone who works in the extremely bizarre environment that is the office. The template I am referring to is the five people everyone has in their office, no matter the size of the staff, mind you there has to be more than five people in your office for this to make any sense. Anyway, here is my attempt at demystifying the employee stereotypes and how you can use these people to get ahead, and backstab free.(1) The Kiss Ass: Everyone knows who this is. This snivelling co-worker makes everyone else in the office feel uneasy when they're around. This person can be best described as someone with very little experience, no backbone, and most importantly, a fervor for management. They are the lapdog of anyone in a position of authority, circling around their heels constantly nodding in agreement. You may despise this person for their constant "company is everything to me" policy but BEWARE, this is probably one of the most dangerous persons you could come across in the wilds of the office.In their natural tendency to be submissive, the Kiss Ass will inherently agree with any grievance you have with the company. They will side with you and your beef, lending their support through your troubling time maybe even offering some words of advice. But all of this is a front. At first opportunity, your entire conversation will be retold word for word, as if it was digitally recorded, to the exact manager or supervisor you have the beef with. This is how the Kiss Ass finds their worth and importance. Managers love the Kiss Ass. And not being aware of their presence can be career ending.So, how do you deal with the Kiss Ass? Easy, use them as your source of information. The Kiss Ass knows everything about everyone, I bet they even know a few things about you, and this is the key to getting ahead. Slowly, but surely, gain this persons trust. Tell them how you appreciate their hard work and determination in spite of everyone else's negative perceptions. Tell them you think they should be in management and do little things to let them know you have their back. Do not overstep your bounds or let others see you be too friendly as this could clash with your co-workers ideals and get you blacklisted. Once you have the ear of the Kiss Ass, and have a good amount of information on everyone in the office, you can begin to use them as a sounding board because you now also have the ear of management. Say good things to the Kiss Ass and they will be heard by the office authoritarian. In time, and with the cunning of a fox, you may even have this Kiss ASS as your own lapdog.(2) The Legend: This person is the one who has been with your office the longest. They have all the experience you could ever want but none of the neurotic fears of others with less seniority. This person knows the game, they are well versed in the daily operations and, best of all, the dark company secrets that keep higher ups awake at night. In my experience, this person is never in management, they either have performed too well in their position to be promoted, or, they have seen too many others step into that position only to be let go soon after. This person is not generally dangerous as they know enough to keep their position safe until retirement, but do not mistake their value to you, they are worth their weight in platinum. Never make enemies with the Legend, it will mean your immediate downfall. Everyone loves the Legend and will pierce you with the glares of a thousand daggers if you harm them in any way.How does the Legend help you? This is obvious, the Legend is full of information and is usually open and caring enough to give it to you in drawn out office stories. Take them out to lunch one day, and do yourself a great favor. You see, the Legend does not get involved in evil office politics, they have stayed on because they have stayed away from such nonsense. They are the ones with the numerous wall plaques noting their company worth, and they are the ones you should model yourself after. Take an interest in their life, ask them about their hobbies or whatever interests you can determine from the knick-knacks on their desk and, whammo, you're on your way. Now the best thing to do is to slowly bleed them making sure you don't suck them dry too fast as they will cut you off immediately. They've seen your type many times before and are well aware of such tactics. Finally, never, I mean ever, turn around and repeat what was said to others, this act will ensure you have made an enemy of the Legend.The Lengend is an ally. Find a friend in the Legend and you may have a long life with the company.(3) The Complainer: Nothing is ever right with this person. They are either sick, depressed, stressed, or overworked. Their personal life is, in their words, a mess. They have annoying habits, like bugging you with inane chatter when you have work to do. They are never satisfied with their work, management, and life in general. Now your office may not have someone to this degree, but the Complainer does exist in less obvious forms. No matter the degree, the Complainer is the person everyone tries to avoid. You will see your co-workers walk away from this person whenever they bust into their next "whoa is me" story. I always find it funny to see the new employees with the Complainer. They will listen very intently at first in an effort to be nice, but as the months go by they quickly learn this persons daily life sucking routine and begin the separation.The Complainer is no real danger to you, in fact they can be a common joke you use to get in good with the Legend and the Kiss Ass. Sidenote: both the Legend and the Kiss Ass hate the Complainer. The Legend can't stand the daily toll it takes on them to hear the constant negativity, and the Kiss Ass can't stand the constant company bashing and time wasting.The Complainer, though, can be used to get ahead. I have to say that the complainer can also be a goldmine if you are a patient person. Most people are not aware of the value of the Complainer. This person can be used to bounce evil ideas off of. If you have a plan to get ahead, subtly suggest it to the Complainer. They will happily give you their honest opinion as no one normally talks to the Complainer, and they will give you some insights as they generally know a great deal about the office. Beware of the fact that if you are too blatant about your plans to dominate, the Complainer will squeal loudly in an effort to become the center of attention. But the great thing is that if the Complainer tries to tell others about your schemes, your co-workers will walk away before it comes out. Still, some crafty behavior is still required.The other useful thing about a Complainer is that they are one of the only people who will back you up if you take a stand against the company. Now whether or not you want to align yourself with this person is up to you. Just know that your position may be less valued because management is also is leary of the Complainer and may not want to hear from you for fear that you are the next office Complainer.(4) The Know It All: This person is the scourge of the office experience. They are to be avoided at all costs. If you must deal with the Know It All, do so lightly. Don't get involved personally. To do so will mean endless days of wasted effort trying to prove them wrong. You may have concrete proof this person is wrong, but don't bother showing the Know It All, as their world does not accept outside information. All the knowledge they have ever required was born with them and will die with them.I have seen many a good worker brought down by the Know It All. It is a sad sight to see someone spend hour after hour of their time amassing information to prove the Know It All wrong, only to find themselves exhausted and one hair away from a nervous break down. The Know It All cannot be beat. Their delusions are too strong to overcome. And just know, the Know It All will always be in your office, in your conversations, and in your space. Why? In some weird need for balance in the universe, the Know It All is necessary for proper office function. They are hard working, when they're not telling someone how to do something, and their work is normally up to par. The Know It All is potentially your worst enemy.How do you use the Know It All? Well, in order to use the Know It All effectively, you must do the one thing must normal people can't: swallow your pride. Let their words roll off your back like water off a duck. Let them take charge of any project, let them lead in any decision, but by no means follow blindly. If you do have a problem with the Know It All you can't swallow, take it directly to management. Do not gossip to your co-workers, Know It All's are known to have extraordinary hearing and will take you down with a ferocity unknown to us regular folk. But know this: The Know It All will shoot themselves in the foot EVERYTIME! All you have to do is give them the rope and within no time they will be swinging from the banisters. But never expect the Know It All to be fired. This will not happen. Management always need a fall guy, and the Know It All is the perfect specimen.Use the Know It All but do so with ninja like stealth. Let them take themselves down, but gently inform management of your attempts to help the Know It All steer clear of failure. This will give you some credit and help management see you as an independent thinker who can be a team player.(5) You: Yes, I said it. You, my inquisitive friend, are also a stereotype. You are the unknown factor that bothers the Legend, the Kiss Ass , the Complainer, and the Know It All. Why? Because you are someone that they cannot fully trust. They don't fully agree with you, but they don't fully disagree with you either. They know you are smart, experienced, educated, and friendly, but they also know you are the one most likely to be promoted. You work hard, but not too hard. You are level headed, fair, and fun to be around but you are still flawed in some admirable way. You, my reader, are on the top of their watch lists. And you can be your own worst enemy. If, for one second, you don't balance advancement with co-worker alignment, you will be the next to go down.Take proper precautions with the four others mentioned in this article. Use them at your discretion, and use them wisely. You tread on a dangerous path. But there is one thing working for you the others don't: you are a member of EVIL OFFICE POLITICS, the greatest source of backstabbing protection one can find. Culture40517@blogcritics.org Mon, 5 Dec 2005 13:45:59 EST