Blogcritics

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Cinema Macabre Issue 5: Zombies!

Ian Woolstencroft — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 21:05:38 EDT

Tony Woolstencroft: Plague of the Zombies (1966)Made on a shoestring budget in 1966, and sharing the same sets and some of the cast from The Reptile, Plague of the Zombies is one of Hammer Studios' finest films. Shamefully overlooked, this is one of the best examples of '60s horror, and a creditable entry in the zombie genre. Sir James Forbes, distinguished professor of medicine, receives a letter from a former student who is now the local practitioner in a small Cornish village. Dr Thompson is baffled by a series of unexplainable deaths in the village, and would like his mentor’s opinion on what may be the cause. As Dr Thompson’s wife, Alice, is an old friend of Sir James’ daughter, she talks him into taking a minor holiday in Cornwall. On their arrival they discover things are stranger than they could have imagined, and their investigations uncover a nightmare scenario. One of the film’s greatest strengths is its cast. The wonderful Andre Morell is outstanding in the role of Sir James, and John Carson does a nice line in sinister menace as the local squire. The rest of the cast do equally well, although apparently Diane Clare, who plays Sir James’ daughter Sylvia, had her voice dubbed. Smartly scripted by Peter Bryan, who previously adapted Hammer’s version of The Hound of the Baskervilles (which gave Morell one of his best known roles as Dr Watson to Peter Cushing’s Holmes), the film presents an intriguing story. Directed, with a skill he was never to show again, by John Gilling, and oozing with creepy atmosphere, the set design is also top notch, especially the village graveyard. Once the zombies appear, they do not disappoint. Both threatening and tragic, they are extremely eerie. Although the film is fairly light on gore, what is there is very well done and effective.This is one of my favourite zombie films, and one I continually revisit, because of the atmosphere and the magnificent performance from Andre Morell.Chris Beaumont: Zombie aka Zombi 2 (1979)In 1978, George Romero's Dawn of the Dead was released. It was the sequel to his granddaddy of the modern zombie film, Night of the Living Dead. It was an instant hit, and when it was released in Italy, producers there were eager to capitalize on its success. At about the same time, Lucio Fulci was gearing up for a film that could easily be tied to the Romero-verse. Since Dawn of the Dead was released as Zombi in Italy, they decided to call this new film Zombi 2 to capitalize on that name (in the process adding the opening and closing New York set scenes). It would then give rise to a series of Zombi(e) movies, each just using the title as a marketing ploy. Still, it is this first film (Zombi 2 in Italy, Zombie in the US) that has become a classic and cemented Fulci's place at the forefront of Italian horror. Zombie is a rather languidly paced horror film that will not appeal to everyone, as it has that slow pace and is punctuated by the graphic set pieces. It took me a couple of viewings to warm up to it. When I first heard about how graphic it was and learned of its revered status among horror-philes I expected something a bit different. I was ill prepared to deal with that slow pace, but after a few tries I started to feel at home with it, and recognized just how good a zombie film it is. The story begins when a derelict yacht sails into New York harbor. Upon investigation, a zombie is found to be on board. The creature is quickly dispatched by the investigating officers, but not before getting in a bite of his own. The fact-finding mission settles on Peter West (Ian McCulloch), a reporter who winds up teaming with Ann Bowles (Tisa Farrow), the daughter of the yacht's owner. Ann's father was a scientist working on some random island in the Caribbean, and he's missing. Together, Ann and Peter head off to the Caribbean in search of the missing doctor, tagging along with a vacationing couple, played by Al Cliver and Auretta Gay. If you are looking for a strong plot, you are going to be sorely disappointed. The story is terribly thin; the point of this film was the atmosphere and the gore scenes. Fulci delivers on both counts. The slow pace keeps you on edge, wondering just when something is going to happen, and when it does finally happen the blood is plentiful as the film delivers some of the more iconic moments of zombie cinema. So far as the story goes, suffice to say they wind up on an island that is suffering a zombie infestation that may be a virus, but could also be voodoo related. They find Dr. Menard (Richard Johnson) and a newly unearthed horde of walking dead. It is the sort of story where there will be virtually no possibility of a happy ending; once it hits the fan, nothing will be left alive. The gore delivers some great moments, including Fulci's penchant for eye violence, some flesh eating, exploding heads, wormy eye sockets, and an unforgettable battle pitting a zombie against a shark (yes, a shark!). For the most part, the effects are well rendered and believable. Nothing done digitally can quite live up to the use of well crafted practical effects. There is nothing digital to be found in this film! Zombie rightfully retains its status as a classic zombie film, right down to its apocalyptic ending. It may be plagued by a weak script and acting (both of which could be attributed to half the cast speaking English and the other half Italian -- dubbing resolved the problem in the end), it delivers a creepy slow burn atmosphere, and the gore is first rate. Again, not for everybody, but definitely in the upper echelon of zombie horror.Ian Woolstencroft: Night of the Living Dead (1990) Remakes are usually pale shadows of the originals particularly in the horror genre, yet Hollywood never tires of churning them out. One of the few gems in the recent glut of remakes was Dawn of the Dead (2004) but that shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise; George Romero had shown back in 1990 that it was possible to update his classic zombie films for a modern audience with the Tom Savini-directed Night of the Living Dead. The remake of Night is a good film in its own right but it works even better if you’ve seen the original. The film plays with the viewer’s expectations; you think you know what’s going to happen until it throws you a curve ball. The opening graveyard scene is the perfect example, making you jump by using what you expect to happen against you. The most effective twist on the original is the character of Barbara. This isn’t the near catatonic woman we know from the original, this is an action heroine in the Sarah Conner/Ellen Ripley tradition. Patricia Tallman does such a good job of bringing Barbara to life that I wish this remake had spawned a sequel. The original Night of the Living Dead has one of the bleakest and best endings ever put on film; this updated version may not be quite so bleak but it’s equally effective -- “That's another one for the fire” indeed. George Romero is the father of the modern zombie film and his screenplay shows how a remake should be done. If you stray too far it’s not really a remake, stick too close and you’d be better off watching the original (Psycho anyone?). While it doesn’t eclipse his original (hardly surprising as that film started its own sub-genre) it makes a nice companion piece to it and a film that any zombie aficionado should see. Daniel Woolstencroft: Shaun of the Dead (2004) Horror comedies are a difficult thing to do well. Oh sure, it's easy enough to create a horror film with a few gags thrown in (even if they are likely to destroy any atmosphere you've created), and it's even easier to make a supposed spoof of the horror genre and go all out for funny (although whether anyone would conclude that the end result was indeed funny is another matter entirely). But a true horror comedy - a film that is a genuine hybrid of the two genres - is really difficult to make work. Shaun of the Dead aces it. It's not just a great horror comedy, but it's a great entry into its chosen horror sub-genre: the zombie movie. So it covers all the bases: very, very funny; suitably scary; and ticks all the boxes for the zombie genre it's simultaneously spoofing and contributing to. There's the helpless survivors, the lack of suitable weapons, the last stand in a barricaded refuge. And there's the armies of the undead; only a couple at first, but then inescapably numerous, and deadly. It's a film so comfortable in its genre that Romero himself could have made it, yet so English, and so amusing that it's recognisably the work of the Spaced team - Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and director Edgar Wright. And it plays by the rules: if you get bitten, you become a zombie; there must only be one or two seemingly harmless zombies initially, but that must ramp up as the film nears its conclusion. The survivors must hole up in a position of strength, but by some flaw of humanity, some human weakness, must open themselves up to their inevitable fate. The body count should be significant, and characters should lose someone they care about. There's a more important element to Shaun's success beyond the fact that it adheres so strictly to the rules that Romero invented, including the use of gore; beyond its string of hilarious sequences and quotable dialogue; and beyond the extremely clever references to other horror and zombie movies of the past. Shaun's greatest strength is that it features a set of characters you care about and can identify with. They're not SWAT team members, not cops, and not military personnel; they're you and me, the everyman and his mum, his girlfriend, and his friends. It's that blend of real-life through the sitcom lens (a "reality" we're all familiar with) merged with the zombie apocalypse scenario that ensures that you never really know where Shaun is going, but care about its characters every step of the way. Shaun of the Dead is as important an entry into the zombie canon as Romero's, Fulci's, and Boyle's offerings. It's magnificent in every sense, and the sort of film that doesn't come along very often. If by some miracle you've not already seen it, visit your local DVD emporium and pick it up immediately. And while you're there, get yourself a Cornetto.

Ian Woolstencroft was brought up on a diet of John Wayne movies and Marvel Comics and still has a passion for both. Now as a blogcritic he finally understands what Spider-Man's Uncle Ben meant when he said 'With great power comes great responsibility.'

Cinema Macabre Issue 4: Vampires!

Ian Woolstencroft — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 14:19:46 EDT

From Murnau's Nosferatu in 1922 to this years upcoming Thirty Days of Night, the vampire has held a fascination for cinema audiences like no other monster. This month Cinema Macabre turns its attention to the bloodsucking fiends, so grab your crosses, your holy water, and a slice of garlic bread and let's begin.Iloz Zoc: The Return of the Vampire (1944) Bela Lugosi's career didn't fare well after his initial fame with Dracula. Having failed the makeup screen test for Frankenstein -- though he wasn't overly fond of playing the monster anyway -- his reserved and aloof demeanor kept him from ingratiating himself with the Hollywood in-crowd. That, and the rapidly rising stardom of Boris Karloff after his noted portrayal of the Frankenstein monster, put Lugosi in a deteriorating career position. Although he created intensely unique and effective characters such as Dracula, Murder Legendre in White Zombie, and Ygor, beginning with Son of Frankenstein, he spent much of his time acting in lesser roles. After Dracula, he portrayed a "real" vampire onscreen only two more times; as Armand Tesla in The Return of the Vampire, and as the more comedic Dracula in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. Columbia Pictures' The Return of the Vampire is a B-movie that plays like a fairy tale. You have your evil villain, the occultist turned vampire Armand Tesla, his reluctant servant tragically caught between good and evil — and werewolfism, the wartime backdrop of beleaguered London, and seething revenge creeping along in the night. As the first World War ends, Tesla is trapped and dispatched by driving a steel spike into his heart. Years later, during the aftermath of a World War II Nazi bombing raid, civil defense workers mistakenly remove the spike from Tesla's heart, freeing him to seek vengeance on the family that stopped his vampiric evil many years before. The removal of the spike is reminiscent of a similar scene in Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, where Larry Talbot is freed from his tomb by two would-be grave robbers. Calling his servant to return to his side, and turning him back into a rather huggable werewolf filled with remorse, Tesla assumes a new identity and executes his nefarious plan. The film moves along well and Lugosi, while older, still plays the vampire with a sufficient touch of malice to make it all worthwhile. The addition of his werewolf servant is an odd touch, especially since he doesn't act like a werewolf, but it does provide a unique aspect to the storyline. The Return of the Vampire is a good B-movie that came at the end of the gothic horror cycle, before supernatural horror gave way to the mutant horrors of the 1950s. As such, it became lost in the changeover. It still retains a unique gothic atmosphere as it places the last vestige of supernatural horror in the midst of the then present age, immersed in the real horrors of World War II.Ian Woolstencroft: Martin (1977) Vampires. The word conjures up images of cloak-enshrouded men with piercing eyes and gleaming fangs and beautiful women in nightdresses with heaving bosoms. Well you won’t find any of that in Martin. Two things are made clear right from the start: this isn’t your usual vampire movie and Martin is one very disturbed young man. Traveling by train to stay with his elderly cousin Cuda, Martin attacks a woman in her sleeping car, rendering her unconscious before feeding on her blood. It’s obvious from the practised nature with which he goes about the task of subduing her and cleaning up afterwards that this is not the first such incident. Upon arrival he’s met by Cuda and the old man is in no doubt he’s a vampire. His home is festooned with crosses and garlic but such things have no effect on Martin; to all outward appearances he’s a normal young man. The is-he-or-isn’t-he question is at the heart of George Romero’s film. In one particular scene, talking with Cuda’s niece in the kitchen, Martin seems almost like a normal guy, telling her he’s glad she doesn’t believe in the “magic.” Then when she asks him how old he is he replies “eighty-four.” It wrong-foots the viewer and reinforces the sense of doubt.Martin is one of the most complex characters in horror cinema and John Amplas brings him to life brilliantly. Martin doesn’t talk much and Amplas has to convey most of the character's emotions without words. At times we sympathise with the shy, sexually repressed young man, at others we’re horrified by the coldly methodical killer who not only drinks his victims' blood but sexually abuses them as well. That Amplas can elicit such diverse reactions is a credit to his ability.Martin is Romero’s most interesting film, both visually and intellectually. With Night of the Living Dead he reinvented the zombie movie and here he does something similar with the vampire film. The flashback/fantasy scenes pay homage to the traditional bloodsucker flick while the rest of the film has a more documentary feel, particularly where Martin’s methodical preparations are concerned. There’s more to George Romero than just zombies, as this film aptly demonstrates. This is one of the strangest vampire films ever made and one of the most intelligent and thought provoking horror movies of the seventies. Chris Beaumont: Mr. Vampire (1985) Have you ever heard of hopping vampires? Didn't think so. The idea of hopping vampires seemed like an idea that just could not work. That is until I saw Mr. Vampire, a film from Hong Kong made back in 1985. The Chinese myth of vampires is vastly different than the Bram Stoker version here in the West. In Chinese myth, vampires are reanimated corpses whose souls have not left the body. They come back to feed on the life essence of the living, not the drinking of blood. Their preferred method of moving about is hopping -- you see, rigor mortis has made them a little too stiff to walk. Mr. Vampire tells the story of a rich man who was instructed by a fortune teller to have his deceased father reburied in order to improve the family's fortune. The problem is that the deceased's soul has not yet left, and once removed from the earth reanimates as a vampire, hopping around in pursuit of the living. The man in charge of the reburial is a Taoist priest, Master Ko (Ching Ying Lam), a man who knows the spells that can be used to control the living dead. The problem is that he also has two assistants, and they are a little less than competent. The movie is a blend of horror, slapstick comedy, and martial arts that works to great effect. It also goes a long way towards introducing concepts that are quite foreign to an uninitiated audience, from hopping vampires, to soul-sucking ghosts, to vampirism transferred like a virus, to the use of sticky rice, Taoist spells, and ink-covered string to combat the vampire. Then there is the fact that you can avoid vampire detection by holding your breath. The story is pretty easy to follow, as it centers on a vampire on the loose and a group of heroes seeking to stop his rampage. However, it is so much more than that; it is a window into another culture, it serves up some big laughs, and has some surprisingly creepy moments. And let's not forget the man who travels around with a group of the hopping vampires in tow. Ching Ying Lam stars as Master Ko, and does a great job of centering the film, bringing an aura of deadly seriousness to the silliness around him. He has great presence and plays the teacher role perfectly. His assistants, played by Siu Hou Chin and Ricky Hui are also perfect, they are both adept at martial arts, and their comic timing is spot on. They're directed by Ricky Lau, who went on to direct a number of sequels and other vampire-related films. Mr. Vampire is definitely not your typical vampire movie. It is quirky, it is funny, and it is a lot of fun. The film is never scary in the traditional sense, but there are tense moments where you are not sure what may happen next, there is the "infection" of one of the bumbling assistants, and the ghost that loses her head. It is a wildly different movie than what you get in the West, as well as a pioneering one in Hong Kong. It kicked off a stretch of vampire themed horror/comedies, including one titled Vampire vs. Vampire, which pits an Eastern vampire against a Western one. Daniel Woolstencroft: Near Dark (1987) There's a supernatural unholy trinity for me: zombies, vampires, and werewolves. In my younger years, vampires were it. As I've grown up, zombies have overtaken them slightly in my affections, but they're still up there -- fascinating me like few of cinema's other creatures. And of all the vampire movies that I love, one stands head and shoulders above the rest -- Near Dark. It's a western, it's a horror movie, and it's a love story - and an involving one at that. Central characters Caleb (Adrian Pasdar, prior to learning to fly in Heroes, and living in a cardboard box in Profit) and Mae (Jenny Wright) make an attractive couple, and the chemistry is immediate and compelling. It's not long after Caleb and Mae meet that the rest of Mae's "family" show up. After she inadvertently turns Caleb into one their own, the family grudgingly (now there's an understatement) take him in, and it's up to Mae to teach him to kill; to feed. The family is one of the key things that makes Near Dark such a work of art. Aliens co-stars Bill Paxton (Severen), Jenette Goldstein (Diamondback), and the mighty Lance Henriksen (Jesse) play three members of the vampire clan. The previously mentioned Wright, and Joshua John Miller - as the child-vampire Homer (mispronounce it and I wouldn't wanna be you) - round out the vampiric cast, and Tim Thomerson - something of an icon himself for me when I first saw Near Dark thanks to his role as Jack Deth in Trancers - plays Caleb's father. Every actor turns in my favourite performance of their career, but it's Paxton and Henriksen that steal the film. Severen is a million miles away from that sniveling grunt Hudson, and a genuine blood-sucking psychopath. And while I love Bishop, Henriksen is indescribably awesome here. I've always hoped a prequel would fill in Jesse's backstory, but it's never happened. There are so many great lines in Eric Red's script, too. Even beyond the one liners, there's a poetry and rhythm that you don't find very often. And you'll find no mention of vampires either, which just adds to the charm. I can forgive the mildly crap "cure" that presents itself later in the movie, because everything else works so well. It's all set to a magnificent Tangerine Dream soundtrack. Maybe it's dated a little, but frankly I don't care; it's perfect. Incidentally, it's one of the first CDs I ever bought, and for a while the only thing I would listen to. Near Dark is unquestionably director Kathryn Bigelow's finest hour. It's looks stunning throughout and of all the films I've seen has left one of the strongest visual impressions. There are so many amazing shots - Caleb feeding from Mae's wrist; the family, out for the hunt, lined up in the misty moonlight; daylight streaming through bullet holes in motel walls; Caleb smoking as he tries to get home; vampires bursting into flames. It's iconic, plain and simple. Near Dark is the finest vampire movie of modern times.

Cinema Macabre Issue 3: Hair-raising Scares With The Wolf Man, Dog Soldiers and Much More

Ian Woolstencroft — Sat, 26 May 2007 08:24:08 EDT

This month Cinema Macabre brings you a selection of films that are really something to howl about as we take a look at werewolves on the silver screen. Iloz Zoc: The Wolf Man (1941)Universal Studios classic horror story set the standard for lycanthropes on film. Of the three major Universal Studios monster movies, Dracula, Frankenstein, and The Wolf Man, only the last does not spring from a notable novel. While colorful legends of werewolves abound in print, it took the skill of screenwriter Curt Siodmak, the talent of makeup artist Jack Pierce, and the acting of Lon Chaney Jr. to tell the story of a man doomed by an eternal curse to kill the ones he loved by the light of the full moon. Americanized Larry Talbot (Chaney) returns to his ancestral home in Wales. His father, Sir John Talbot (Claude Rains), hopes that Larry will take over the duties of his family, and that the two will reconcile their long-standing differences. Larry, of course, is focused more on the gorgeous woman (Evelyn Ankers) he spies through the lens of a telescope. Seems like Larry's a bit of wolf even before he's bitten.When he visits Gwen's (Ankers) shop in town, he buys a walking stick decorated with the head of a wolf and the symbol of a pentagram in silver, which prompts the discussion of werewolves and a recitation of Siodmak's brilliant poem; even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.Later that night, Larry is bitten by a werewolf when he tries to save Gwen's friend from an attack by what he thought was a wolf. Maleva (Maria Ouspenskaya), the old Gypsy woman, tells him that her son (Bela Lugosi) is the werewolf, and now he, too, is cursed. Sure enough, Larry soon succumbs to his curse of lycanthropy, and starts seeing pentagrams -- the mark of death -- on the hands of those he loves. His father doesn't believe any of this superstitious nonsense, but people start dying when Larry changes into the Wolf Man and goes on the prowl. The denouement draws upon classic Greek mythology, and makes The Wolf Man stand out in its depiction of a man tragically caught in an evil cosmos with no way out. Jack Pierce's makeup makes the werewolf come alive with a feral humanity missing in today's CGI lycanthropic concoctions. The painstaking lap dissolve process that appears for seconds on screen took hours of laborious work and filming as layers of yak hair were applied to Lon Chaney's face and photographed. The mist-enshrouded forest sets, with their gnarled tree limbs and dark landscapes, give The Wolf Man a claustrophic and eerie tone of desolation, as Larry Talbot struggles against, and succumbs to, his inevitable fate.Lon Chaney Jr. reprised his signature role as the Wolf Man in four more Universal films, but The Wolf Man remains his most poignant performance as a man cursed, through no fault of his own, to walk on padded-feet by night, when the moon beckons, with the unquenchable thirst for blood. Daniel Woolstencroft: Silver Bullet (1985)Once upon a time, I could rattle off the whole Taco speech from Reservoir Dogs, or maybe even Tarantino's Madonna monologue. I can remember a lot of lines, from a lot of movies. But there are some lines, some snippets of dialogue, that are so burned into my brain as to be unforgettable. "I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS @!#%ING COUCH!" is one. "They're coming for you Barbara" is another, naturally. But one of my personal favourites is "I'm a little too old to be playing Hardy Boys meet Reverend Werewolf!" It's difficult to imagine anyone other than Gary Busey delivering that line, and I'm glad I live in a world where I don't have to. Silver Bullet, based on the Stephen King novella Cycle of the Werewolf, is probably Busey's finest hour. He's magnificent, plain and simple. It's the kind of performance you can watch time and again, and it always makes me smile. Corey Haim's not bad either as the young protagonist confined to the titular wheel-chair. His performance here predates his turn in The Lost Boys, and at this point I'm sure he never expected to turn up in anything like Prayer of the Rollerboys. Megan Follows, Everett McGill, and Terry O'Quinn fill out the rest of the cast nicely. Silver Bullet is a film I always loved as a youngster and still adore now. It's got the brother and sister bonding, the cool uncle, the neat gadget (even if it is a wheelchair), and a werewolf! It's not a bad one either, as screen werewolves go; standing formidably tall and looking a lot like the Bernie Wrightson artwork in the novella, if memory serves. It's tense, funny, and emotionally involving; one of the better Stephen King adaptations - and there have been many; and one of the finest werewolf films ever made. Tony Woolstencroft: Bad Moon (1996)Bad Moon gets off to a pretty bad start with a clichéd opening which is at least set in an unusual location. Ted is a photo-journalist on an expedition in the jungles of Nepal with his girlfriend. While their native guides sit around the fire, Ted and his girlfriend slip off to their tent for the obligatory pre-gory death scene bout of sex. While they’re occupied, the rest of their party are killed off by an unseen creature. In an extreme case of coitus interruptus Ted’s girlfriend is pulled out of the tent, and savagely killed by what turns out to be a werewolf. Ted himself is bitten before putting an end to the beast by blowing its head off. (It’s always seemed to me that the jungles of Nepal is an odd location to find a werewolf in, but hey, what do I know!) We then flash forward to Ted, having returned home, camped by a lake in his trailer. He contacts his lawyer sister Janet, and she and her son Brett drive up to see Ted along with their German Shepherd Thor. Janet invites Ted to come and stay with her, and once the police discover the mangled body of his latest victim, Ted decides to accept her invitation, and parks his Airstream behind her house (conveniently situated out in the woods). This is where the film separates itself from the usual werewolf tale. Thor (that’s right, the dog) suspects that something is not right about Ted and follows him on one of his late night jogs into the woods. The good old family pet discovers a transformed Ted, who, fully aware of his problem, has handcuffed himself to a tree to protect his family. What follows is a tense game of cat and mouse (or should that be dog and werewolf) as Thor determines to fulfil his role as family guardian and becomes increasingly hostile towards Ted. Directed with brisk efficiency (the film only runs for 80 minutes) by Eric Red, writer of two classic horror movies, Near Dark and The Hitcher, Bad Moon is a very entertaining entry into the werewolf genre. Red also wrote the screenplay based on Wayne Smith’s novel, Thor (which is apparently told from the dog’s point of view). There’s a wonderful score by composer Daniel Licht (who also scored Showtime’s brilliant series Dexter). The usually wooden Michael Pare is effectively cast against type as Ted and actually turns in a pretty good performance. Mariel Hemingway does a decent job of playing Janet, who gradually begins to suspect that there’s something a bit odd about her brother, and Mason Gamble manages the tricky feat of playing the kid in a horror movie without being whiny and annoying. But the real star of the film is Primo, the German Shepherd who plays the hero of the film,Thor. He has an incredibly expressive face, and his scenes with Ted are superb. It’s not a great film by any means. It’s let down by a transformation scene featuring some of the worst CGI ever, and the werewolf, although brilliantly designed, is slightly lacking in execution, and in a rare misstep by Red, is shown too clearly for too long. But if you’re a fan of werewolf movies or heroic dog movies you really should give this one a look. As far as I know it’s the only film to combine these two genres, which must be some kind of claim to fame, right? Chris Beaumont: Dog Soldiers (2002)In 2006, director Neil Marshall made his debut on the big screen in the US with the supremely scary The Descent. Now, if you have not seen that film, do yourself a favor, go rent it, buy it, whatever, just treat yourself to a horror film that has genuine scares and chills. Neil Marshall's story does not begin there, it actually goes back a few years, 2002, to be exact, he made his American debut in a rather inauspicious manner when Dog Soldiers premiered as a Sci-Fi Original Movie on the Sci-Fi Channel. If you watch any of those movies, you will know that quality is not always their primary concern, however, every once in awhile a gem will slip through and prove to be well worth seeking out. Dog Soldiers, edited for content, premiered on October 15, 2002.This is a movie that combines the survival horror and splatter elements from sources like the Evil Dead series (and actually naming a character Bruce Campbell), as well as more suspenseful horror from the likes of Jaws, and the action driven suspense of Aliens. It combines all of that in a werewolf movie that reinvigorates the lycanthrope genre. Marshall emerged here as a smart new voice on the horror landscape.The film opens with a couple camping in the woods, just as they are to get intimate, the tent zipper starts to open and the young woman is dragged out in a shower of blood. Fast forward a few weeks, and a regiment of British soldiers are in the same woods on maneuvers. They are split into two groups and sent out into the tangle of trees. It is not long before they are surprised by a gutted cow dropped into their midst. They set out to investigate, not liking what they find. They soon find themselves being chased through the dark by an unseen enemy. Eventually, the fast-dwindling group find themselves holed up in an empty farmhouse. It is here where they make their stand against the foes that have surrounded them and have no intention of allowing them to leave.Dog Soldiers is a movie that is firing on all cylinders, deftly blending horror, comedy, and action in a cohesive film that thrills all the way through. Aside from references to other films, Marshall stages some very impressive action scenes, from the initial chase through the woods, to the multiple sieges on the home. The action is cut very quickly, but perspective is never lost, and we see a good variety of weapons used in the attack, from the standard issue guns, to a sword, to a truck, to homemade flamethrowers.Overall, this is a film that helped reignite my interest in werewolves, and also showed that Sci-Fi Originals need not always be dreck, though I do recommend seeking the DVD release, which is uncut. If you want blood, guts, bullets, laughs, a few surprises, and a spiffy werewolf design, this is definitely one for the books.Marshall even gets in a Matrix quote, something I didn't realize until I rewatched the film recently. Another piece of notable trivia is that Jason Statham was originally set for the lead only to leave for John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars, while Simon Pegg was offered a small part, but was talked out of it by Edgar Wright who wanted Pegg's first horror role to be in Shawn of the Dead.Ian Woolstencroft: Romasanta: The Werewolf Hunt (2004) When is a werewolf film not a werewolf film? When it’s Romasanta. There aren’t many werewolf movies that can claim to be “Based on a true story” but Romasanta can. The film takes the “Werewolf of Allariz” murders in 19th Century Spain as its source material, with Julian Sands playing Manuel Blanco Romasanta, the man who confessed to thirteen brutal murders and had his death sentence commuted to life imprisonment after claiming he was a werewolf. There are some things you never expect to say, either out loud or in print, one of them is: Julian Sands gives an excellent performance. Yet there is no denying it, Sands is good, very good in fact. Werewolves are often depicted as cinema’s most sympathetic monsters, not so here. Romasanta is a sexual predator, seducing lonely women before murdering them and, as a gruesome sideline, using their body fat to make soap. Sands shifts (pardon the pun) from charming seducer to murderous psychotic in the blink of an eye and he’s never less than convincing. The real scene-stealing performance however, comes from Elsa Pataky. Apart from being incredibly beautiful, she’s also a damn fine actress. She starts the film as a lovesick young woman infatuated with Romasanta but when she discovers his secret she sets out on the werewolf hunt of the title, determined to see him brought to justice for killing her sisters. She’s definitely a star of the future and commands attention whenever she’s onscreen. As for the nude bath scene… Producer Brian Yuzna’s Spanish sojourn has produced far more misses than hits. Romasanta represents, along with Stuart Gordon’s Dagon, the peak of his output in that country and one of the best films he’s ever put his name to. Combining both the serial killer and werewolf genres this is a visually stunning historical horror from director Francisco Plaza. It’s a film that deserves to be better known, so seek it out and spread the word.

Cinema Macabre Issue 2: Kinky Nuns, Otherworldly Kids, Radioactive Jelly-Men And A Zombie Soldier Await You

Ian Woolstencroft — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 13:23:07 EDT

What perverse pleasures does Cinema Macabre have in store for you this time? Read on if you dare...Chris Beaumont: Satanico Pandemonium (1975)Man, they made some crazy movies back in the day. Back in the 1970s there was a short-lived subgenre callen "nunsploitation." Never heard of it? Well, I have to admit that I heard about it a long time ago, but this was my first foray into the genre. I have read that it was kicked off by Ken Russell's 1971 film The Devils. This one came a few years later and hails from Mexico. If you are wondering what the ingredients of a nunsploitation film are, always factor in nuns (of course), lesbian sex, blood, gore, and a serious dose of weirdness.Cecilia Pezet stars as Sister Maria, who spends much of her time in various stages of undress. Before we get to the stripping, we are first introduced to Sister Maria as she walks through the garden at the convent, picking flowers. On her jaunt she comes across a strange naked man who offers her an apple. Hmmm... I wonder who that could be? It is, of course, the devil in the flesh, there to tempt her and lure her to the dark side. This leads Maria to a crisis of faith as her spirituality is tested. In an attempt to detour her failing faith, she goes to her room, promptly removes the top half of her clothes, ties a belt of thorns around her waist and flagellates herself with a thick leather whip. So tell me, are you interested yet?Despite her attempts to stay on the straight and narrow, she quickly finds herself succumbing to her repressed desires. She attempts to seduce her fellow nuns, as well as a local farmboy, who rejects her, leading to her darker murderous desires. The film builds to a point where there is no turning back, although you are left wondering if it was a dream, or was she truly visited by Lucifer?I found that the movie did not go quite as far as I had expected, although it is still rather twisted subject matter. It strikes me as a low budget production, although it looks great with its lush colors and nice use of shadows. It was directed by Gilberto Martinez Solares, who did a good job with the fringe material. It is a movie that fans of exploitation cinema should definitely look into. Satanico Pandemonium is rather slowly paced as it draws you into Maria's changing mental state. The film is carried squarely on the shoulders of Cecilia Pezet; she delivers a performance that is a combination of innocence and unbridled sexuality, a collision of opposites resulting in a performance that will hold your attention.Check your beliefs at the door and slip into this notorious chapter in the nunsploitation canon, which, coincidentally, was the inspiration for Salma Hayek's character in From Dusk Till Dawn.Ian Woolstencroft: Village of the Damned (1960)John Wyndham’s classic story The Midwich Cuckoos is the source of this low budget British science fiction thriller. The film gets off to a great start as all the inhabitants of the small village of Midwich are rendered unconscious by forces unknown. When they recover hours later it gradually becomes clear that some of the villagers have been changed -- all the women of childbearing age are now mysteriously pregnant. Months later they give birth to scarily intelligent children who develop far faster than normal human offspring. The kids soon manifest telepathic abilities and a scary group-mind mentality, something that doesn’t endear them to the villagers or the military. With a running time of only 77 minutes the film doesn’t hang about, cranking up the tension as the children become more advanced as well as more threatening to anyone who gets in their way. Only George Sanders as one of the children’s “fathers” makes any connection with them. The horror here is in the realisation that your child is not your own and I don’t mean the wife’s been getting more than a pint of semi-skimmed from the milkman. The origin of the children is deliberately vague and this just adds to the aura of otherworldly superiority the kids exhibit. Sanders is brilliant as the scientist who at first sees these children as an opportunity for the human race to advance but gradually comes to realise that they don’t want to help the world, they want to conquer it. He’s ably supported by a strong cast of British character actors. It’s the children who make the biggest impression though; with blond wigs and cold, expressionless faces, they are scarily intense and just plain alien. The leader of the group is played by Martin Stephens, who would go on the following year to star in the exceptional The Innocents. You may think he’s been dubbed here, and he has, but by himself. His dialogue was overdubbed later to make him sound more dispassionate. It works too, adding a coldness to the character that is most effective in the scenes with his mother, played to perfection by the lovely Barbara Shelley.Wyndham hasn’t been particularly well served by the big screen and this, the first adaptation of his work, remains the best. It was followed by a sequel, Children of the Damned, three years later that was solidly entertaining but lacked the powerful presence of Sanders. John Carpenter made an ill-conceived remake in 1995 but thankfully it hasn’t tarnished the reputation of this little gem.Iloz Zoc: The H-Man (1958)Another Toho Studios' atomically-charged creature feature.Director Ishiro (Godzilla) Honda dishes up another atomic-age tale filled with dissolving gangsters, determined but baffled police, fainting females, and sage scientists in this 1958 creep-fest. I remember being scared silly watching this on television as a young horrorhead, back in the good-old days of the Shock! package of scary films and local station, late-night TV horror host shows. While it's a bit slow by today's standards, the film’s simple, balloon-powered clothes with bubbling colored-goo effects are still stylish and eerie as the nuclear radiated jelly-men pop up from the Tokyo sewer system to dissolve people for sustenance, leaving only their clothes behind. It opens on a rainy night as a gangster becomes an unlucky snack during a narcotics smuggling job. When another gangster suddenly disappears without his clothes, the police are baffled, but a handsome young scientist may have the answer: two steamship crewmen survived a chance encounter with a derelict ship with no crew on board, except for their clothes. To their horror, the would-be salvagers discover the previous crew is still oozing about, and they barely escape from being eaten like their comrades. The scientist believes their terrifying story and tries to convince the police that those creatures, born of the atomic bomb’s radiation, are now in Tokyo. Toss in a few nightclub dance numbers with scantily-clad dancers, more nervous gangsters, and an insane dash through the Tokyo sewer system to rescue the perpetually fainting leading lady before the army sets fire to everything, and you've got an odd but entertaining mix worth watching with friends. Bring out the squiggly-wiggly jello and have a theme party showing of The H-Man: Molecular Man Terrifies the World!Daniel Woolstencroft: Deathdream aka Dead of Night (1974)If you’ve never read W. W. Jacobs’ The Monkey’s Paw (and you should), there’s a good chance you’re already familiar with the premise: be careful what you wish for.There’s no doubt that it’s a story that’s inspired many, perhaps most famously Stephen King’s Pet Sematary, which by King’s own admission owes much to Jacob’s classic tale. In 1974, Bob Clark updated the myth with chilling effect in Dead of Night (the current DVD release assumes one of the film’s other identities, Deathdream).It’s the tale of a young soldier, Andy Brooks, who’s killed in Vietnam during the film’s opening sequence. But when he comes home to his parents’ house, albeit acting a little strangely, they assume the reports of his death were a mistake, and that everything’s okay. They couldn’t be more wrong.Though clearly a metaphor for the horrific effects that war can have on a family, Deathdream isn’t heavy-handed; it manages to convey its message in subtext and concentrate on building tension and atmosphere. There are some genuinely creepy moments, and a conclusion that should stay with you long after the credits have rolled.Elements of Bob Clark’s film have aged, but its theme seems incredibly relevant today in the face of the current conflict in the Middle East. So much so that Joe Dante produced a similarly themed short for his offering in the first Masters of Horror season -- Homecoming. Director John Stalberg and Grudge scribe Stephen Susco are currently working on Zero Dark Thirty, a modern day remake of Deathdream (the conflict is shifted to Afghanistan).Richard Backus gives an unsettling, scene-stealing performance as Andy, and is almost as much to thank for the film's success as Clark. Deathdream also has the honour of being gore legend Tom Savini’s first film, although his effects weren’t quite as splatterific here as they’d go on to be in his later work.Tragically, Clark and his son were recently killed in a traffic accident. A drunk driver (who also happened to be an illegal immigrant) collided with their car, resulting in both their deaths. It’s a great loss to cinema, and the horror genre in particular.Deathdream is creepy, thought provoking, and moving. You can pick at one or two aspects of the production if you like, but the final film is a testament to Bob Clark’s vision and skill, and – in my humble opinion - stands proudly as a must-see (yet sadly overlooked) entry in the horror genre’s crowded vaults.Rest in peace Bob, you’ll be missed.

Cinema Macabre Issue 1: Psycho Killers, Devil Worshipers, and Lesbian Vampires Lurk Within!

Ian Woolstencroft — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 07:51:16 EDT

Welcome to our new monthly feature, "Cinema Macabre". Inside, you’ll find the best, and most monstrous, in cinematic horror. From the very beginning, horror has held a fascination for both filmmakers and film-goers. Our fearless writers will be delving into that rich history and unearthing the darkest, most depraved tales for your pleasure. We’ve scoured the world for the very best fear flicks, and this month we offer a selection of horror staples for your ghoulish enjoyment: psycho killers, devil worshippers, haunted houses, and even lesbian vampires lurk within!Iloz Zoc: Uzumaki (2000)A stylishly quirky and weird manga-inspired horror film. Taken from the three-volume manga by Junji Ito, the town of Kurozu-cho is beset by spirals spinning into the lives of the townspeople, driving them to madness, bizarre change, and gruesome death. Director Higuchinsky captures the bizarre yet whimsical tone of the manga story by using tightly framed shots containing sharp angles, green tinting to accentuate the weirdness, tracking shots, panning shots, close-ups and fades with ghostly faces. Ominous spirals twirl in the background in unexpected places, too. The story begins as a flashback, told by Kirie (Eriko Hatsune), a young girl who sees the curse descend on her small, isolated town by the water. Shuichi, her childhood friend, soon relates his own fears that the town is beset by a curse of spirals. His father, engulfed with thoughts about the uzumaki, or spirals, soon winds up an early victim of the growing menace. Students at Kirie’s school begin to succumb to the physical transformations brought about by the curse of spirals, some turning into human snails, and one girl starts sporting a new do of enormous black spirals with a life of their own. Kirie’s father succumbs to the spiral madness, as does Shuichi’s mom. A news reporter hunts down the reason for the curse and begins to unearth mysterious clues about serpents, mirrors, and Dragonfly Pond, the possible source. As Shuichi's father says, "One brings forth one's own uzumaki!" in this stylish film of Lovecraftian horror. Experience it for yourself; if you dare. Tony Woolstencroft: The Last Horror Movie (2003) Video diary of your average everyday serial killer: "Now, why don't I care about that? I mean, I know you care about that; that's why you think I'm a bad person, but the thing is, I don't care about it. I didn't ask not to care about it, but I don't. And if I don't care, how can I think it's wrong? And if I don't think it's wrong, why shouldn't I do it?" Deeply indebted to Man Bites Dog, this intelligent, challenging, micro-budget chiller manages to remain a distinctive entry in a very crowded genre. It starts with a pretty waitress alone in a diner, who after hearing reports on the radio of an escaped maniac on the loose, is brutally murdered. This scene is aprubtly interrupted by a man talking directly to the viewer. Max, who apologises for taping over the film you were watching, proceeds to introduce his own video diary. He is, he says, "trying to make an intelligent film about murder, while actually doing the murders". The viewer then follows the charming, affable Max (assisted by a homeless guy he's enlisted as cameraman) as he hosts a dinner party, pops round to see his grandmother, and carries out a series of murders by a variety of brutal methods. In between, Max's eyeball-to-eyeball philosophical conversations with the viewer make for some extremely uncomfortable moments. Kevin Howarth (on screen as Max for 90% of the film) pulls out all the stops to give a mesmerising performance, alternating between easygoing charm and psychotic violence with absolute conviction. Not an easy film to watch, but I urge you to see it - it will stay with you for quite some time. Casey Criswell: The Vampire Lovers (1970) Ingrid Pitt as a lesbian vampire! Hammer Studios are a mainstay of horror, always standing out first and foremost with an air of regality. The majority of Hammer films are usually period films often centering on vampires and the like. They like you to think they’re classy. However, all of that is nearly always a front to cover up their own unique sense of perverseness as the Hammer Studios always held a stable of buxom babes and they weren’t afraid to use those weapons. The Vampire Lovers is no different! Led by Ms. Pitt and her twins, the acting in Vampire Lovers is standard Hammer fare. Ms. Pitt acts with an air of distance and age, showing the worldliness of a vampire with ages of knowledge to help her seduce her subjects. Peter Cushing, in a rather small role, stands out solidly as the General and turns in the performance you expect of him. The victims of Ms. Pitt embody the naiveté of their young characters to a T, often awed by the worldly woman presented by Ms. Pitt and her… fangs. The plot in itself is solid, centered on these two loosely connected families both preyed upon by this lesbian Lestat. You are sucked in by the interactions of said families with Ms. Pitt, and their obliviousness to her actions. The real jewel of Vampire Lovers is… well… the lesbian vampires and their boobs. They’re all over the place! Remarkably, they are always presented rather tastefully and not always just there for boob’s sake. Chris Beaumont: Puppet Master (1989) Back in the 1980s there was one name on everyone's lips when it came to independent, low budget horror and science fiction films, or at least that is what I would like to believe. That name is Charles Band (I'd also accept Full Moon Pictures). Give this guy $100 and he could give you ten full-length features that may show their budgetary roots, but rarely fail to deliver some entertainment. Amongst the hundreds of films to his name there is one that stands apart from the rest, Puppet Master. One of the standbys of horror is the creepy doll, as evidenced by the recent Dead Silence, the film that inspired me to revisit this horror classic. The story concerns one Andre Toulon, played by William Hickey in a stroke of casting brilliance. He is a toymaker who has learned the magic art of giving life to inanimate objects, which he has done with a few of his favorite creations. Unfortunately, he is found by Germans seeking to learn the secret, and Toulon commits suicide rather than tell them. That all takes place during the WWII era. Fast forward to the present -- a group of psychics have been summoned to the hotel by a man who has learned the secret and is using it to live beyond his death. Added to that, Toulon's puppets have gotten loose and are killing anyone perceived as a threat. And kill they do, in a variety of ways. Each puppet is specialized, offering its own take on death-dealing, including Leech Woman puking leeches onto people, Tunneler goring people with his head-top drill, Pinhead with his throat-choking hands, and Blade's blade hand. What can I say? I love the movie. It is a little odd, and quirky, and populated with memorable puppets who have gone on to star in a number of sequels. It may not be deep, it may not always make sense, but it does deliver a vibe which is simultaneously fun and creepy. The effects are well done and all done practically. Created before the CG boom and obviously crafted with love, this is a movie for low budget fans to treasure. Ian Woolstencroft: Race With The Devil (1975)Peter Fonda and Warren Oates join forces again for this tale of the holiday from hell. The pair first worked together on the elegiac western The Hired Hand and enjoyed the experience so much they jumped at the chance to make this film, about two married couples whose journey to Colorado in an RV is interrupted by a group of backwoods Satan worshippers after the holidaymakers witness a human sacrifice. The two stars' real life friendship allows them to bring a natural camaraderie to their characters and they’re aided by a pair of seasoned TV actresses as their wives. Loretta Swit gets some R&R from playing “Hot Lips” in M*A*S*H as Warren’s better half, while Lara Parker, of supernatural soap Dark Shadows fame, shines as Fonda’s onscreen spouse. Also making a welcome appearance is Peckinpah regular R.G. Armstrong as a local sheriff who may know a little more than he lets on. Master low budget director Jack Starrett makes sure everything moves at a cracking pace yet still leaves room for some Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style paranoia as Lara Parker becomes convinced that everyone they encounter is a member of the cult. Add to that some expertly crafted scares (most notably the rattlesnake scene) and an action-packed final twenty minutes that has the beleaguered campers fending off attacks from all sides while trying to stay on the road and you’ve got the perfect action/horror movie. El Bicho: Eyes Without A Face (1960) The film opens with a woman’s body being dumped in a reservoir. Dr. Génessier is contacted by the police because the dead girl may be his missing daughter and at the police station, he identifies her body. As he leaves, he meets another father whose child is missing. A killer is on the loose who is preying on young women. After his daughter’s funeral, we learn the truth. Dr. Génessier is involved with the missing women. The doctor is trying to successfully graft an entire face for the benefit of his daughter. He horribly disfigured her in a car accident and won’t stop until he can repair the damage. It is a very intriguing story about the lengths a father is driven to when motivated by guilt and love. The script has a number of good plot twists that surprise throughout by taking conventions and doing the unexpected with them in a believable way. There was only one part of the story that didn’t make any sense. The police have discovered a pattern that all the women who have disappeared have blue eyes. This has to be a coincidence because only the skin is used, yet why make mention of it? The film does show its age at times. The pacing is too slow in a few spots for a modern-day audience. Most people used to the revved-up, manic horror films of today might not be happy sitting still for so long in order to enjoy the beauty of the photography or the suspense the film has to offer. Also, the effect of the face removal scene is minimized by over 40 years of advancement in film make-up. You need to have an understanding of film history to truly appreciate this film. Mat Brewster: Friday the 13th, Part III (1982) What is it about the 3-D effect that keeps it resurfacing every decade or so? Why do we want our films to come screaming right into our seats? I’ve only seen one full-on 3-D flick in an actual theatre in my life, and that was Jaws 3, not this third installment in the Jason franchise. While we’re at it, why do film producers think they’re being even more clever by making the third film in a series in 3-D? That ran out of style somewhere around Plan 9 From Outer Space, Part 3: The Revenge of Patrolman Kelton. I never saw Friday the 13th, Part III in the theatres or in 3-D. In fact I never saw any of that series in the theatre, only on the long departed, and dearly missed late night television series, USA Up All Night (whatever happened to Rhonda Shear anyway?). To a prepubescent boy, even in a highly edited version, Jason kicked lots of sexy teen arse. This one includes lots of good 3-D scares like Jason shooting a spear gun right at the screen, but it was the creative kills and bountiful bosoms that kept me coming back. As a kid I always looked forward to Friday the 13ths on the calendar because I knew Rhonda would be showing a marathon of the films. I stayed up way too late on many a lonely Friday night watching that masked murdered wreak havoc. They are all short on plot, convention, acting chops and anything else a critic might try to find, but it had everything a geeky little kid from Oklahoma wanted in his late night viewing. Daniel Woolstencroft: Haute Tension (2003) AKA High Tension AKA Switchblade Romance Before he went all "me too" and jumped on Hollywood's '70s-retro-remake bandwagon, Alexandre Aja created a masterpiece of modern slasher cinema. The first time I saw Haute Tension, it was on a French DVD with no subtitles; it didn't matter -- if anything, it enhanced the film. It's light on dialogue, high on style, and - as the name implies - oozing with atmosphere. There are only really three characters involved: Maïwenn Le Besco does a great job of being terrorised as Alexia, Philippe Nahon is deliciously unpleasant as "Le tueur" (literally translated: "The Killer"), and Cécile De France is magnificent as the main protagonist, Marie. A brutal opening sequence at Alexia's creepy, out-of-the-way home sets the tone for the rest of the film and amazingly Aja ensures that the pace never lets up. The finale features one of the most horrific kills in modern cinema - maybe Leatherface should consider taking that chainsaw back to the store - and packs a twist that I doubt you'll see coming. Everything looks spectacular, the performances are right on the money, and you care about the characters; everything falls beautifully into place. His first Hollywood film - The Hills Have Eyes - didn't even come close to equalling his achievement here. If you want to see what Aja is really capable of, and enjoy possibly the finest slasher film in recent years, I urge you to see Haute Tension. Duke De Mondo: Amityville II - The Possession (1982) Said producer Dino De Laurentiis to Saint Paul one summer’s eve in 1980; “Saint Paul, I tell you this, I’m in a sore fix. Being a man fond of making a pound or ninety off of the back of the motion picture production, I went ahead and secured the rights to make a sequel to last year’s surprise hit The Amityville Horror.” “Well that’s fantastic” quoth Saint Paul. “Jesus oh, that shite made a mint!” “Aye” says Dino, shaking the head. “Aye, it did that. And I was overjoyed to get the go-ahead. But then… Oh Saint Paul it’s terrible.” “What?” “Well… then I saw it.” “Oh.” Saint Paul lowered his head and gave a solemn cluck of the tongue. “Exactly. God but it’s an awful motion picture altogether. How, under Christ, am I to make a sequel to that garbage?” “That is a right pickle, now. But I know just how to go about it.” Here, Saint Paul tilted his head some, gazing wistfully at the heavens. “You’ll have heard that in my younger days I was a bit of what you’d call a rogue. Never happier than when burning a Christian or stealing the bricks out a church to throw at a Jehovah’s Witness. Then one day I was traipsing along the road to Damascus, and…” “I know all this” says Dino. “I’ve never been a man to neglect my Biblical studies.” “But y’see that’s the thing. The book doesn’t tell you the whole story, for by Mary’s Diddies, says I, I was blinded and deafened and the last thing I considered was that I should maybe jot anything down for posterity. But years later, long after publication and far too late for me to do anything about it without being hung by the bollocks as a heretic, years later, I tell you, I remembered the crux of His message.” “And what was it, pray tell?” “What He said to me was this; Saint Paul, the world is in a sore diabolical state. But there’s nothing so broken that it can’t be fixed by the man who made 1971’s Confessions Of A Police Commissioner To The District Attorney.” Lighting a cigarette, Saint Paul gave a shrug. “So there’s your answer. Find you that man, and you’ll get a masterpiece.” Never one to knowingly contradict the Father Of The Holy Church Of Rome, Dino De Laurentiis called a meeting the very next day, and had twenty-seven of his underlings sent out into each corner of the globe for to track down Damiano Damiani, the director of 1971’s Confessions Of A Police Commissioner To The District Attorney, that he might make a flick fit to have the whole world rending their garments with awe. The rest is history. Gyrating, freewheeling Sam Raimi cameras; Cronenbergian body horrors; seedy, myrtle-hued incestuous love scenes; a ridiculous Exorcist-apeing second half; the best stalking-children-with-shotgun sequence in all cinema (up to and including the famous moment in Ernest Saves Christmas when our hero blew the spines out the backs of 17 wailing pre-teens); Burt Young snarling at a priest like a starving hound snarling at a rabbit’s arse; an octopus beast screaming at the fella out of Commando; such were the wonders Damiani unleashed, and all the while exhibiting a prodigious lack of sympathy concerning the real life massacre upon which his plot (a prequel, as it happens, to the original) was flimsily based. Amityville II – The Possession is a squalling, reeling, astoundingly inventive slab of horror cinema, and, after E.T., the second best film of 1982 about the devil making a fella touch his sister.