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Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

TV Review: 24 Season Six, Hours 23 and 24 - Not the Show's Finest

Mary K. Williams — Tue, 22 May 2007 22:45:12 EDT

Wow.This is not an “Oh my God -- did you see that?” kind of wow. It’s more of an “Oh my God, I must have missed something -- from here it looked like a whole lot of nothing!”I want to just head right to the end of these final two hours (which appeared to end five minutes too soon – or was that due to the timing of the commercials?) and wallow in disappointment. Even now it’s hard to admit my frustration. When I heard my peers and other fans express their dissatisfaction with this season six earlier on – I kept quiet. I enjoyed watching each hour tick by, usually intrigued by the conflicts, and amused by the inconsistencies. And speaking of inconsistencies, I’ve always poked a lot of fun at the show, but with a familial protectiveness; much like the big sister who is merciless with her goofy little brother – until outside forces try to interfere, then the older sister becomes the fierce protector. I could make fun of 24; I did it from a loving place, if you will. I had the right.Now, I’m not abandoning the show at all. I’ll follow all press releases, news, and fan sites from now until season seven. But now I don’t see the point in holding back my surprised displeasure with this much-touted season finale. But I’ll get to that after discussing some of the last two hours not in any particular order.Daniels and Subarov evidently have offices right next door to each other. Why else would they have the same sunlight coming in their windows? The only explanation that comes close to being satisfying is that we must assume that the 4:00 hour is Pacific Time. And the outdoor footage there is still in appropriate darkness. Therefore it has to be approximately 7:00 AM at the White House. But that doesn’t jive with the previous episode, which occurred between 3:00 and 4:00 AM (Pacific) and between 6:00 and 7:00 AM (Eastern). If you recall, in the scenes with Lisa under surveillance at Bishop’s apartment, it was quite dark. Middle of the night dark. And now at the White House, things seem to be quite bright. However Moscow, which is eight hours ahead of Washington, seems to enjoying the same sunny morning, when in reality, it’s 3:00 PM. But hey, if this were the least of the 24 problems – we’d be in good shape.Something about Josh Bauer has bothered me. He hasn’t been all that believable. He makes me miss Derek Huxley from season five. I was pleased however, to see him give the elder Bauer a much-deserved beat down. Phillip Bauer was despicable.Believable or not, I did like the seeing the major players, even Bill, and Daniels too, work together either to help Jack, or to exonerate Bill and Karen. Without spelling it out, Karen agreed to cover Jack’s ass, and Lennox agreed to help Karen. (By way of not being a tattle-tale.) I knew that in time, both Doyle and Nadia would come around and be willing to follow Jack’s plans. So, Chloe is pregnant. We may get to see a pregnant Chloe, and what fun that would be, but I doubt it. One reason is that the 24 writers tend to set each season at least 12 to 24 months apart. Chloe could have a couple kids by season seven, and all we’d get to see is her changing diapers, back to her slim and snarky self. Most likely is that she’ll either not have much face time next year, or the pregnancy will not last. 24 characters don’t live in the mundane world.Again, last night I was afraid that Doyle was going to get killed. I’ve grown to like him, and hope he returns next season, but allowed that if something had happened, at least that would have been exciting. Well, seeing his face blown off was definitely unexpected. I guess he’ll be running Denver CTU with an eye patch.Previous to last night’s show, I and other Blogcritics compiled our predictions and general thoughts about the season. There, I mentioned my hope for closure on “missing” characters. I was joking, actually, but now that plot lines and/or characters seem to have just up and disappeared, I have to raise my hand and ask, “WTF?”Okay, there was a slight mention of Wayne Palmer, when Subarov passed his wishes for recovery of the ill President along to Vice President Daniels. But you know, that’s just not good enough. The fans deserve more.I had also joked about the appearance and crazy stabbing antics of Martha and Charles Logan, referring to that bit of action as "shark-jumping". I stand by that; they definitely jumped the shark there, and even if it was just done as a ratings stunt, it was a fun diversion. But no mention of this again? A former U.S. President was stabbed, by his ex-wife no less, and no one brings it up? No one wonders, “Gee, wonder how Logan is?” But they barely asked about Wayne, why would Logan get more notice?Dear Audrey was dealt with. The message – and not just coming from Dad, former SECDEF Heller – was that this was the end of the line for Jack and Audrey as a couple. In retrospect, having Jack actually spend time with Audrey in her wasted state was much more effective then talk of a restraining order. And that brings me to the last scene. Seeing that gun in Jack’s hand was chilling, more so than the panning shots down the cliff-side of Heller’s property. I had forgotten that he had that same gun trained on Dad just moments before, and seeing him with it as he watched the surf pound, gave me a sick premonition. I would have been angry if he did kill himself, but at least the night would have lived up to the hype.

Mary K. is a freelance entertainment writer living in the Greater Boston area. She pens CD reviews for Metronome Magazine and is a former Features Editor for Hot Psychology Magazine. Mary K. has also contributed to the anthology, Brewed Awakenings.

24 Season Six Finale: Our Closing Thoughts and Predictions

Mary K. Williams — Mon, 21 May 2007 07:19:04 EDT

Victor Lana I believe that the last two episodes are going to be 24 milestones for a number of reasons. Jack has killed plenty of people, but having to kill his own father will be tough. It will be a Luke-Darth Vader moment to be sure, but I think the old man might have been good at some point and there is a possibility of redemption for him, and thus for his son, when he dies. I also believe that Jack is Josh's father and that will be revealed (why else was Marilyn so concerned about what Phillip said?). I think that (from the previews) Bill Buchanan comes back in a big way to help Jack somehow, and that Jack is going to have to give Doyle a lesson he'll never forget. I do think at the very end that Jack will save the day (yet again) but the toll will be overwhelming for him. What will happen from here is I think CTU, Jack, and 24 will never be the same. Chloe and Morris? Probably over. Marilyn and Jack? Definitely something will click because Jack wants and needs a family. Can he be a father figure to Josh? Yes, I think so. Will he try to contact Kim? I don't know, but perhaps a family reunion is in order. And, finally, I believe that this end for Jack will take him somewhere very different. Just like in Die Hard 4 where we’ll find John McClane is no longer a cop, I believe Jack will be long gone from CTU come next season; however, since there is no shortage of bad guys in the world, Jack will be back in action before he can say "Damn it!"Paul LevinsonThis was a very different day for 24. We saw much more of Jack’s personal life (his father, brother, and nephew). And the season was really a season in a season, with the nukes being averted about three quarters into the day.I think Jack’s family story has the most long-range importance. We obviously learned a lot about Jack’s family in season one, but not much since then, until this season. At this point, we have Jack’s father and nephew and sister-in-law all in play.Jack’s father: it’s not at all clear that he’s 100% bad. The only person he outright killed was Jack’s brother – who deserved it. But Phillip did not kill Jack, when he could have, and Phillip’s explanation to Josh that Phillip was just putting on a convincing show when threatening to kill Josh was pretty convincing. I’m predicting Phillip, in any case, will not be killed in this season of 24 – and may just turn out to be a little more of a good guy than we expected.Jack’s nephew: People are saying everything from he could be Jack’s son to Jack’s brother. Anything is possible, but I doubt he’s more than Jack’s nephew – which is a good addition to the show, in any case. He’s certainly a more interesting character than Kim (much as I like Elisha Cuthbert).Jack’s sister-in-law: I think she’s much better for Jack than the whiny Audrey. Secretary Heller in any case owed Jack an apology. But I hope that, when the dust settles, Jack goes with the sister-in-law (though, I’d still like to see Kate Warner back in Jack’s life).Non-family points: I think Doyle, in the end, will help Jack. I’m worried about Chloe. What’s going to happen with Karen and Buchanan?Should be a good two-hour finale!Josh HathawayAs we approach the final two hours of this season of 24 I begin by saying, "Thank God it's almost over!"This season has been awful. The first four episodes (or hours, if you must) were fabulous and I was confident the disappointment that was season five was being put to right. I was wrong. Season five now seems an oasis of creativity and drama by way of comparison. The show has become unspeakably terrible and I'm only watching because I am one of those "in for a penny, in for a pound" sorts. I'll find out what happens, but I no longer care. My prediction is that we end the season with Phillip and Josh Bauer heading for destinations unknown (it may yet be China) and Jack giving Marilyn his word that he'll rescue Josh. We may find out Jack is Josh's father, not his uncle. Morris and Chloe will reconcile even after what appears to be a near-death experience for Chloe. I probably won't care. The least bold of my bold predictions is that when season seven rolls around, I'll be doing something else. I don't think the writers are going to recapture the magic and it's a shame. The foundation of the show is still there and good, fun, exciting television could still be made with the pieces that remain. Next season could be good, but probably won't be. I could be lured back to the series. That's not likely, either.Ray EllisThe more I think about, the more I think my superfluous theory that Mike Doyle might replace Jack Bauer as 24's action man, taking orders from Bauer as CTU director, the more I think it might happen. A worse scenario would have Doyle playing Robin to Bauer's Batman. Either way, I have no doubt the Doyle character will play a more prominent role in Day Seven. The producers of the series said earlier this week that there will be changes next season, but kept mum regarding any details. We do know 24 is going to go at least another two seasons, and it's obvious, after watching Day 6, it's in dire need of some retooling.Day Six has two hours left for Bauer to save his nephew, kill all the bad guys, find some sort of closure with Audrey and save civilization as we know it from annihilation. Of course, he'll do it, with at least ten minutes to spare, just enough time for the denouement and the teaser for Day Seven. If it goes anything like the rest of Day Six, it's going to defy any semblance of logic. FOX promises an ending that's totally unexpected, though. Maybe the lack of logic this season is the key to Day Six. From the moment the Chinese released Bauer to CTU, nothing has rung true. Maybe there's a reason for that. What if this is all happening in Bauer's mind? What if the reality is he's still in that Chinese prison, being fed all kinds of psycho-meds in an attempt to break him? That would explain a lot of plot inconsistencies. There are a lot of Freudian things going on, too — Bauer's father, brother, nephew, even Doyle — are all different faces of Bauer. Could it be? Naaah. I don't for a second think this is how the writers are going to paint themselves out of this corner. Besides, it would shoot my whole Mike Doyle theory out of the water.Mary K. WilliamsI wish we knew what happened to the 24 “Limbo” victims. These are the characters that were fairly crucial to the major plot lines, and since have not been seen or heard from – but need to be explained. People like ex-President Logan and his unstable but cheeky wife Martha. (And dear Aaron Pierce, who didn’t get nearly enough face time for my liking). Folks like current President Palmer. Or doomed traitor Reed Pollock. I envision them in some nebulous waiting station; we’ll call it the "Behrooz Araz Green Room".I do think that Mike Doyle will be on the side of right. By that I mean helping Jack – which could put him on the side of wrong, but for the right reasons. Sure, he scooped up Josh and made off with him without explanation or blessing. I can see Jack being freaked out, but I also see him reasoning the whole thing out, and assuming/hoping/praying for a logical explanation.Doyle’s been a little shady – he had to be, carrying the mantle of Red Herring and all but so far the consensus is he’s more of a Dudley Do-Right than a Snidely Whiplash. So, he could stick around and help out Jack and CTU. Things could change by next season I suppose; in the fall Rick Schroder is slated to direct Raising Cole, a film reported to be currently in development with Red Truck Filmworks.

TV Review: 24 Season Six - Hour 22: Fighting Back

Mary K. Williams — Wed, 16 May 2007 03:03:14 EDT

At the 3:00 AM hour, CTU is a tableau of shock and terror. Slowly Morris covers Milo; everyone else is still pretty quiet, even Jack. Zhou calls Cheng and is told to send Josh to him. Marilyn is past hysterical, she's gone on to blithering idiot -- can't blame her so much, though – it's just painful to watch. Zhou makes ugly threats if she doesn't quiet down -- can't blame him so much either. Nadia tries to intercede, but she gets slammed to the floor. Jack works at calming Marilyn.As Josh is taken through the underground sewer tunnels on his way back to Cheng, Zhou announces that everyone being moved to a secure room. In two groups, CTU staffers are herded off the main floor, but Jack, Nadia, and Morris stage a coup by attacking any hostile within arm's reach. Jack squeezes the petals out of Zhou, successfully weeding him from the Garden of Bad Guys.Nadia and Morris keep fighting, not unsuccessfully, but it's not easy. Suddenly there's a shot from a different area. It's Mike Doyle and his TAC team. They dispatch whatever hostiles remain and secure CTU. After Nadia realizes that Jack will be more effective doing his thing than being under arrest, she releases him. Immediately he and Doyle head out to get Josh back. When we watch these intense chase and battle scenes in the wake of Milo's death, and our increased pulse rates are exacerbated by the knowledge that anyone is expendable.Anyone. How long can I hold my breath anyway?When the remaining hostiles bring Josh to Cheng's HQ, Cheng puts him on the phone with his grandfather. Josh is incredulous; he reminds Phillip that the last time he saw him there was a gun pointed at his head. Phillip tries to make nice:"I had to make it look convincing, but otherwise I wouldn't hurt you for all the tea in…oops, probably not the best analogy…but now that I've mentioned it, I want to take you away to China."Yeah, the old man says he wants to remove Josh from the stain of his father's mistakes. Also he wants to bring him to China 'cuz they are like going to be all advanced and everything. (And they're going to get that way from stealing other countries' technologies, eh?) Josh pleads with Cheng, and says he's frightened of his grandpa. Cheng chastises him, saying that the senior Bauer is a visionary.No, he was a visionary in I Robot. He was probably a visionary in Babe. He thought he was a visionary in Six Feet Under, but he was just insane. He seems to be quite insane now too. C'mon Jack – let's keep Josh away from your crazy dad!Wow, look at Jack slide on the floor. Didn't Joey Fatone do that on Dancing With the Stars? Cool move, no doubt. With Dancing Jack Bauer in pursuit; Cheng takes Josh to the roof. Josh turns and gives Cheng a kick – nice! I think Cheng grunted out "Shazbat". Jack is right behind, headed up the last flight of stairs, while Josh runs from Cheng. Cheng finishes off his bullets trying to shoot Jack, but when he's out Jack tells him to give it up. Cheng gets away however; Jack was distracted saving Josh who was just kind of…hanging around.From the last hour, Lisa and Bishop were starting to wind down their bedroom festivities. The surveillance group in the van – according to Fox's Website – watches uncomfortably. But they don't seem that uncomfortable to me. Lennox actually seems to be stroking a pair of binoculars or something. Anyway Bishop gets suspicious, and starts pestering Lisa. Finally she reacts with all the stored up anxiety and anger she can muster and clocks him with a wine bottle. She then whacks and slaps him, while ranting about all he's put her through. She even strikes him with a lamp, but Bishop knocks her down and chokes her. Lennox and crew storm the apartment before Bishop can kill Lisa, but she's unconscious, and her brain function is in question.And at CTU, Division Dudes come and treat Nadia like she's sloppy seconds. She seems pretty beaten and barely argues when they tell her that she made poor choices and is responsible for the mess. Morris hops in with one of his pep talks, hope it works, we need Nadia sharp and in charge.Russian President Subarov is definitely in charge. In another Cisco Product Placement teleconference, he warns Daniels that he knows about the forged data coming from Lisa Miller's PDA. He also warns the Veep that his country can strike at U.S. troops if he doesn't get the Secret Squirrel Sub Circuit Board Device (SSSCBD) back to Russian safety. He gives them two hours. This, by the way, conveniently fits in with the show's remaining two episodes. Smart guy – that's why he's President of Russia.The White House gets a surprise call from Phillip Bauer. He wants to trade Josh for the SSSCBD. Daniels listens but agrees to nothing. When he finishes the call, Karen pounces. "Sir, you cannot be seriously considering this, he's a bad, bad man. He's a sociopath!"Daniels grunts at Tom for his input. Tom immediately affirms, "he is a sociopath."Yup, Peter MacNicol proves once again why he was hired to play Tom Lennox. Now, Carlo Rota does pretty well with his characterization of Morris O'Brian – but MacNicol is absolutely superb at line delivery and comic timing. It'd be great to see him back next season.Karen, Daniels, and Lennox are confused by the pressure that Subarov is putting on the White House, they wonder if he's being influenced by some of the old guard advisors in Moscow. But they still have a decision to make regarding Phillip Bauer's offer.Meanwhile Jack, Josh, Doyle, and the rest get ready to return to CTU. Jack is interrupted by a phone call. As Josh heads to the car, Doyle whisks him over to a helicopter. (Where did it come from? Didn't Jack question it?) When Jack tries to stop Doyle, he's held back by other field agents. Panic is clear on both his and his nephew's faces as the helicopter ascends into the predawn sky.I guess we know which way Daniels decided.

TV Review: 24 Season 6, Episode 22: Lovers and Other Stranglers

Victor Lana — Tue, 15 May 2007 12:25:55 EDT

When Jack Bauer dispatched bald villain Abu Fayed in Episode 17, I was worried that the remainder of the season would be a letdown; however, I had nothing to fear. The last five installments have been a grinding ascent along the ladder of rising action toward what I am predicting will be an explosive climax followed by a resonant (and I believe) devastating resolution, but more about that later.We picked up where we left off last week with the CTU crew and Jack being held hostage by Zhou and his Chinese gang, who were working for the evil Cheng Zhi. Jack didn't understand why these thugs wanted his nephew Josh, but we already knew that his father Phillip (Stretch Cunningham) Bauer had orchestrated this assault to liberate his grandson. Jack, never more dangerous than when unarmed and cornered, has the wheels spinning in his head as to how to get out of the situation. Everyone else is sitting around rather helplessly with Milo's corpse sprawled on the floor as a reminder of how ruthless these guys can get.Cheng and Phillip are in contact by phone, and we see that there is a tempestuous relationship between them. Phillip seems to have the upper hand since he is in control of the component, but he also makes veiled threats that seem to have the usually unflappable Cheng a little nervous. He warns Cheng that he won't be the one to deal with him should he fail, and we are left to wonder who the bigger fish are in the slimy little pond that these guys call home.At the White House Vice President Noah (Jim Jones) Daniels is awaiting word on how his sting operation is going that involves his former lover Lisa Miller and the Russian spy Bishop. He has a heart-to-heart talk with Karen (Hillary) Hayes about his shortcomings as a leader (and, without saying it, as a lover). Hillary has never seemed kinder than at this moment, praising Jones for his strength in this tough situation, but Jones is hardest on himself, knowing he had the power to keep the country out of hot water and failed because of a blonde in a short skirt.At Bishop's apartment the sex has been steamy, but Lisa has an expression on her face (like she just made love to a slithering eel) that gives her away. Bishop knows something is wrong, but when she excuses herself to go to the bathroom, Bishop jumps up and is ready to download info from her PDA for his Russian superiors. Something spooks him though (probably because it all seems way too easy this time), and when Lisa comes out of the bathroom Bishop attacks her and asks for answers as he strangles her (maybe he's the right guy for lovely assassin Mandy). Tom (Twitchy) Lennox and his men have been outside watching the whole thing in a van. It seems to pain Twitchy to give up this vicarious pleasure, and that blow-up doll back in his closet at the White House is so far away, but he rises to the task at hand and they burst into the apartment and stop the attack. Lisa is in bad shape and an ambulance is called, and Tom has Bishop secured in the bedroom where they have a little talk about crime and punishment. It seems that Bishop has only one choice: help with the situation or face the death penalty for treason (same argument they used on Lisa).Back at CTU Zhou and his men are getting ready to escape with Josh in tow. They begin herding the personnel into rooms before they make a getaway. This gives Jack the opportunity he was waiting for. He and Nadia hatch a little plan and, as the process takes place, Jack and Nadia attack the terrorists. Morris (Yul Brenner) O'Brian gets in touch with his inner Navy Seal and participates in the fun. Jack snaps Zhou's neck, but Nadia seems to be losing her battle until Doyle and the cavalry come riding into view and take out the rest of the bad dudes.Two of the terrorists have made off with Josh, but Jack and his new BFF Nadia reach an understanding that gives Jack a gun and Doyle as a partner. They go off after Josh, and it seems these two guys do work well together (when they are not on opposite sides of the fence). A quick pursuit leads to Jack and Doyle dispatching the bad guys, narrowly missing getting Cheng Zhi, and securing Josh once again. Josh and Uncle Jack have a quick moment to bond and gives that paternal side of Jack a chance to shine. One can only wonder how good a father Jack could be if he just was given a chance at a normal life.When Josh explains that his grandfather spoke to him on the phone after he was captured, Jack realizes that Stretch is involved with Cheng. While not saying anything directly, we can see Jack processing this information as he puts it all together that his father and brother were no doubt behind his incarceration in China for all those months. Poor, poor, Jack (and Josh), to have been born into a family such as this.We get another glimpse of Jones and Hillary heading into the Cisco Conference Room (talk about product placement), where Russian President Subaru is revving up the engines of war. He knows that Jones has not secured the component and continues his threats to attack US interests (a base in Central Asia) in two hours if the situation is not remedied. Jones has had a really bad day (not quite as bad as Jack Bauer) and he seems unable to handle Subaru like the cowboy that I thought he was.Stretch then calls the White House (I wonder how all these guys get such easy access to the President's phone line) and offers a deal: he will give Jones the component in exchange for his grandson. Hillary chides Jones about such a preposterous transaction, but before we can say "Monica Lewinsky," Jones has called CTU to authorize this exchange.This explains why in the last scene Jack and Josh are separated by Doyle who has his men secure Jack (obviously, Doyle is not foolish enough to try to take on Jack by himself). As Doyle rushes Josh onto a helicopter, Josh is screaming "Uncle Jack" and Jack is at once shocked and angry that Doyle has turned on him so inexplicably. The last scene shows us a frightened kid being torn away from his family in order to settle a bigger score, and this sets Jack up for next week's big showdown.Jack almost got to Cheng in this episode but he escaped. I imagine that in the exciting two-hour season finale next week that we are going to have some major league battles. Among them will no doubt be Jack verses Cheng, Jack verses Stretch, and perhaps even Jack verses Doyle (which, in essence, once again pits Jack against CTU, the White House, and all odds). I don't even have to guess who will win, because in the end, Jack Bauer is an iconic figure who can now be mentioned in the same breath as John McClane, James Bond, John Rambo, and Indiana Jones. Jack's biggest battle of all may just be Jack verses Jack, and I think we are being set-up here for Jack's reclamation, but at what price? Can he reconcile the despicable things his father and brother have done with the notion of saving (what is left) of his family: Marilyn and Josh? And, when the day is done, will Jack be back on the CTU payroll or is he heading off to bigger and better things in another city, another state, or even a foreign country? That will be discovered next season, but I have a feeling that 24 and Jack Bauer are never going to be the same when Day 6 is over, and that might be the best thing that can happen for the fans and to the show itself. Until next week, Klaatu barada nikto!

Victor Lana has published numerous stories and articles in literary magazines and online, including his favorite haunt here at Blogcritics. His novels A Death in Prague (2002) and Move (2003) and his new book The Savage Quiet September Sun: A Collection of 9/11 Stories are available at online bookstores.

The Simpsons to Spoof 24

Mary K. Williams — Thu, 10 May 2007 22:06:20 EDT

Sunday night, May 20th, the Simpsons will air their 400th and season finale episode. Called “24 Minutes”, this event will be done in 24 style complete with multi frames and nerve-wracking ticking. Guest stars Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub will play their Monday night alter egos, Jack Bauer and Chloe O’Brian.Seems like Springfield Elementary has set up a CTU of its own. Yes the educational mecca of Springfield for lo these last 18 seasons now runs a Counter Truancy Unit, manned by CTU agents Bart and Lisa Simpson. Set up by Principal Skinner, the CTU faces uncertain times as rumors of a stink bomb to be detonated during a school bake sale has everyone on edge. Or, as “on-edge” as a cartoon character could be.Now, Jack and Chloe will just play themselves; but naturally, one might guess which CTU staffer, White House worker, or Terrorist du jour would be portrayed by the rest of the happy Springfield town folk. Though I doubt they’ll go that route, it’s a fun idea to play with – so here are some of my offerings:Jack Bauer --- Bart SimpsonChloe O’Brian --- Lisa SimpsonVice President Daniels --- Chief WiggumTom Lennox --- Waylon SmithersPresident Wayne Palmer --- Carl CarlsonBill Buchanan --- Principal Seymour SkinnerKaren Hayes --- Edna KrabappelTerri Bauer --- Maude FlandersKim Bauer --- Christian CharityPhillip Bauer --- Montgomery BurnsGraem Bauer --- Krusty the ClownJosh Bauer --- Milhouse Van HoutenMike Doyle --- Groundskeeper WillyMilo Pressman --- Apu NahasapeemapetilonMorris O’Brian --- Dr. Julius HibbertEdgar Stiles --- Comic Book GuyCheng Zhi --- The Great HumungousAny Fox News Reporter --- Kent BrockmanNina Meyers --- Patty Bouvier TAC Team --- Rod and Tod FlandersAudrey Raines --- Marge SimpsonErin Driscoll --- Judge Constance HarmEx President Logan --- Sideshow BobFormer Sec-Def Heller --- Mayor QuimbyAssorted Goons & Hostiles --- Kang and KodosThese pairings could be rearranged all sorts of ways, what would your ideal portrayals be? And while you are mentally re-writing the scripts for both 24 and The Simpsons, don’t forget to tune in to Fox on the 20th to see how it all goes down.

TV Review: 24 Season Six - Hour 21: News Flash! Zhou-Zhou's Petals Storm CTU!

Mary K. Williams — Wed, 9 May 2007 02:18:15 EDT

Nadia comes to see Jack and tells him that Heller left with Audrey, and will also be filing a restraining order against him. Jack wants to go to Bloomfield but Nadia kindly reminds Jack that he's still grounded, so it's no. "Dammit Nadia!" He does want revenge in the worst way against Cheng but gave his word to Wayne Palmer that he'd recover the Secret Squirrel Sub Circuit Board Device (SSSCBD) so that is his first priority. He pleads, begs, gives Nadia some wicked puppy dog eyes, and even rolls around on the floor of the holding cell, but Nadia remains firm.Chloe is back (yay!), very quiet but working. Milo, of course notices that she's subdued and asks her what's going on. Before Chloe can go on full snark defense, Morris butts in and announces that they are broken up. Chloe is embarrassed and jumps at the chance to go deliver paperwork to Marilyn and Josh. Yeah, remember the other Bauers? They're still at CTU. I wonder if they've got Behrooz with them.Nadia delivers a stirring motivational speech to the TAC team headed out to Bloomfield. She tells them what nasty things will happen if the SSSCBD leaves the country, so they better be ready."At my signal – unleash Hell!"Doyle is liking this new, confident Nadia. Milo is not liking that Doyle is liking that Nadia is…well you get the idea.Last hour, we saw Cheng getting all frustrated with the poorly performing SSSCBD. Now he's gathered a bunch of goons and baddies and hostiles and is plotting an "attack," but the target name is not mentioned. It could be the same unnamable country in the Middle East. It could be a school, a hospital, the White House? But he won't say! He's so sinister, so inscrutable! Bad, bad Cheng!In the comfort -- and I use that word loosely -- of an empty lounge area at CTU, Josh is down and depressed and wishing he was never born. Marilyn tries to reassure him that his dad and grandpa were not all that terrible. Then she tries to convince him to take a nap. Yeah he looks real relaxed. Not.Little Lisa has to go back home to Boy Toy Spy Bishop. Lennox has hatched a plan to feed Bishop some false Intel. She's been coached, and her bag is outfitted with audio and video surveillance. But poor thing, she admits she's not sure she can go through with the charade. Daniels nearly chokes at this."Listen little Missy, you had no problems lying your pants off to my face, so you're gonna keep lying, see? You're gonna keep lying while you take off your pants, your blouse, your Victoria's Secret Stuff…"Tom et al. are watching the whole exchange with their tongues hanging out. Woohoo!For some unknown reason, Chloe decides to bring Marilyn to see Jack. This causes Marilyn to regress to the behavior of a two-year old."Jack, sowwy about telling you Audrey was dead.""That's OK, you didn't know.""But why?""Well, it was all a big plot and…""But why?""Marilyn, I don't know but now I'm under arrest and I …""But why?""I DON'T KNOW!""But why?""Listen, beat it kid"Outside of Bishop's apartment, Lisa again hesitates, she says she's scared. Lennox offers:"You better be scared, sister – a treason rap will be hard to beat."Great, now she's supposed to be feeling all romantic and amorous. She tries to fake it, but Bishop can feel that something is off. Lisa tries to buy time and leave him alone with her PDA by going to 'freshen up,' but Bishop reminds her that she just took a shower within the last hour:"Water ration – you understand, right? Now, let's get busy on the bed!"Tom Lennox and assorted Secret Service subservient surveillance types will be getting a free show for the next half hour; all thoughts of the Russians and SSSCBD gone out of their voyeuristic little heads. Or maybe that's just me. Maybe those Beltway dudes are actually concerned just about the subterfuge and keeping America safe and whatnot. S'pose that could happen.While traitorous sex is rather exciting, the rest of the hour focuses on trying to figure out what Cheng is up to and what Doyle and his crew are finding at the Bloomfield Copper Plant. (Basically, a whole lot of nothing.) Something noteworthy, however, was a cache of empty weapons and armament containers. Doyle reports in to Nadia that whatever was held in those containers would be enough for a "major assault." (That's opposed to a minor assault, in case there were questions.) When Nadia thoughtfully taps her finger to her chin and muses, "Assault on what?" we have to wonder – could there be any more foreshadowing?Attack on CTU! Hold the phone! Hold my bladder! Cheng's baddies manage to knock out CTU's surveillance and communications and begin to sneak in. Cheng wants them to get a "package". Could it be the package is about 16 and his voice is still changing? Why? (Now I feel like Marilyn Bauer).The bad guys make their way into CTU, the code-Red lock down coming just a little too late. Jack hears gunshots and convinces the security dude to let him out. Just as Jack was mentioning how he'll need a weapon, the security guard was gunned down. Pity, but look, there's a gun going to waste. Jack grabs the dead guard's weapon and makes his way to where Marilyn and Josh were lounging.Marilyn and Josh also heard the commotion, and try to fend off a couple hostiles. Jack comes along just in time. He can hardly believe it when Marilyn tells him that they were actually after Josh. He scoots them along some empty hallways, and when he finds a largish ventilation shaft and urges Josh to start climbing through it.The head of this attack operation is a man named Zhou. He's herds the rest of the CTU staffers together on the main operations floor and then asks who is in charge. Milo raises his hand before Nadia could answer. As he gets up and approaches the leader, he's fatally shot by Zhou. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Milo could be a little bit of a pain, but was pretty likeable over all, and he was good at his job. I certainly don't feel his loss like I did for Edgar Stiles, yet if this were episode 10 or 14, or any time earlier in the season – I might feel differently.So, while the now deceased Milo lays there, blood pooling around his head; the rest of the gang has to just sit in terror and wait. When Zhou sees that someone named Doyle keeps trying to call into CTU, he decides that somebody better talk to the impatient field agent, so as to not raise suspicion. He checks a duty roster that just happened to be laying around and sees Nadia's name listed as acting director. He tells her she should talk to this Doyle person, but do not tip him off, or its curtains for everyone. (So, no Flank 2 type chatter.) Although Nadia's end of the conversation is normal enough, Doyle picks up on the stress in her voice.While Josh is trying to navigate the ventilation ducts, Jack and Marilyn were caught by Zhou-Zhou's petals. No, not really. They were taken back to 'the floor' by some baddies. When Zhou finds out that Josh got away, he turned on the P.A. system and addresses Josh."Come along laddie, there's a good boy. We've got treats galore here; puddings, cakes, chewing gum, chewing tobacco, beer, hookers, and a kick ass baccarat table. If you don't come and indulge straightaway, I'm going to have to kill your Mum." He then picks up a can of cat food and taps it with a spoon.That works; Josh scurries back, and is immediately taken into custody by Zhou. Marilyn yelps and pleads, and so does Jack. They are ignored, and Jack is knocked to the ground. Off goes Zhou, Josh, and the whole entourage. As we wonder what the holy heck Cheng wants with Josh, we see Cheng on the phone with :::evil organ chords play::: Philip Bauer.That dirty lowdown no-good scum-sucking rat bastard of a grandfather wants Josh in exchange for fixing up the SSSCBD for Cheng. I wish he'd go back to tending sheep and playing with friendly pigs.

TV Review: S6:21 of 24 - National Insecurity

Victor Lana — Tue, 8 May 2007 16:17:17 EDT

Thus far, we have had two mini-climaxes this season: the nuclear explosion in Valencia (which we haven't heard a thing about in weeks) and the battle between Jack Bauer and Abu Fayed, which resulted in Fayed's death. These moments were essential culminations of the plotline, yet they also contributed to the overall thrust of the dramatic flow that we were hoping would bring Jack Bauer toward a necessary and compelling awakening of spirit. Sadly, as events have unfolded, especially with the Jack's rescue of Audrey and traumatic discovery of her catatonia, it seems more unlikely than ever that Jack will find some peace (at least in this season). Last night's episode was a buffering one to be sure, a filler to get us closer to the ultimate climax of the season. Anytime Jack Bauer is kept in custody for most of the hour usually falls into this category, and we can see the wheels spinning in Jack's head as to how to get out of that holding room and get in on the action.Conveniently, his sister-in-law (and old flame) Marilyn is still on the premises along with his nephew Josh. Chloe brings Marilyn in to see Jack, and their exchange is another in a series of longing glances and deep stares. The expression on Chloe's face is not exactly one of jealousy but more disdain for Marilyn, confirming what we have always believed: Chloe has deep feelings for Jack that go beyond the professional level. Jack is told that Audrey has been whisked away by Secretary James (Nuts Landing) Heller, so this goes down as one of the most brief and yet devastating cameos in 24 history. Jack is not surprised by Nuts taking his love away, but Marilyn is steadfast in her expression of loyalty and affection to Jack. This gal really, really wants to comfort Jack in the worst way. If only Chloe would get lost for a few minutes, Marilyn could get down to business. Oh, but wait, Jack has already rebuffed her advances and probably would once again. It's not easy being Jack Bauer under any circumstances, but he is like a caged tiger at this moment. At the White House plans have been made for Lisa to reconnect with Bishop. Her PDA has been loaded with misinformation to hopefully be sent to the Russians. The goal is to avoid a standoff, or worse, an attack by the Russians on an American base in Central Asia that would warrant a response (and seemingly start World War III). Lisa's character seems nothing like the coldly calculating woman who was assisting Vice President Noah (Jim Jones) Daniels on his course to take over the presidency. Now she acts the part of scared little blonde, which does nothing to endear her to Jones. Lisa is sent back to Bishop's apartment wearing a wire, while Tom (Twitchy) Lennox and his men wait outside for her to successfully complete her mission.Meanwhile, Agent Mike Doyle and his team are searching a warehouse for Cheng and his men based on a lead provided by Audrey. It seems Cheng had been holding Audrey there and is now gone, so Doyle is going to search the place for clues, but it seems like a waste of time and more part of the filler I mentioned previously.Cheng's evil plan is revealed as being an attack on CTU itself. In the past, security has been breached in various ways at CTU, but this is the first time that the whole building has been invaded by hostiles and taken over. It seems a bit too easy for the Chinese terrorists to come in through the sewer system and take control of a major branch of the government like this, but that is exactly what happens. Once the leader Zhou and his men have control of the place, he asks who is the boss. Nadia is scared but Milo (who found a pair earlier in the day when he rescued Marilyn and got shot in the arm) steps up to the plate and announces that he is Milo in charge. Zhou quickly puts a bullet in Milo's head, effectively ending his return engagement at CTU. Chloe, Morris, Nadia, and the rest are mortified by this abrupt killing, and they realize that this bad day has taken a real turn for the worse.Of course, Jack Bauer hears the attack going on and manages to get out of holding and soon has a gun in hand. He tries to rescue Marilyn and Josh and brings them pretty close to escaping. Josh gets into a ventilation duct and starts crawling away as Jack runs out of ammunition (this has happened more times this season than ever before). Jack and Marilyn are taken prisoner as Josh scrambles off into the ventilation system. The object of this invasion of CTU is revealed as Zhou focuses on capturing Josh. The expression on Jack's face conveys his puzzlement at this. Why would they want his nephew? Zhou gets on the PA system and tells Josh he is there to rescue him and take him to a safe place. Josh isn't buying this, so Zhou warns him that if he does not come out of hiding that he will kill Marilyn. A countdown begins as Zhou holds a gun to Marilyn's head, but Josh crawls out of the ventilation duct and is taken prisoner. At this point we are all wondering what is going on. Zhou calls Cheng and informs him that Josh is now under his control. Cheng is happy with this news and then makes another phone call. What to our wondering eyes should appear? Papa Phillip (Stretch Cunningham) Bauer on the other end of the line. We have been wondering where Stretch has been since he ran away from Jack and left him the message to call ex-president Chucky Logan. I guess he's been down at Kelsey's having a few beers, but during that time he also managed to give Cheng the access codes to CTU. So that's why it was so easy to take over the place! The episode ends with a close-up of Stretch, looking extremely satisfied that his grandson is now under his control. As we wonder about next week's episode, we are obviously being set-up for a showdown of epic proportions, a Shakespearean-like final act that will leave the stage strewn with bodies (hopefully Cheng and Stretch will be among them). We know Jack is going to do something to try to save Josh, and Mike Doyle is like Fortinbras, a man of action ready in the wings to swoop in and become a major player.As I noted earlier this season, the dynamic between Jack and his father explains a great deal about Jack's life as an agent. It is a classic battle between good and evil, with Jack being the Luke Skywalker to Stretch's Darth Vader. Jack has spent a good deal of time trying to reach the light, but he has been haunted by the dark side all along. His rebellion against his father and escape from the family and its nefarious business has been all about Jack finding a way to right the sins of the father. Will there be a final battle between Stretch and Jack (light sabers not included)? Will Josh be liberated from Cheng? Will the rest of the CTU crew survive? Will Doyle arrive in time? Will Lisa accomplish her task after all the hanky and the panky are done with Bishop? And where the hell is Bill Buchanan during all this? Let's hope the next episode is more than filler, giving us some answers instead of all these annoying questions. Until next week, Klaatu barada nikto!

24: Is Mike Doyle the New Jack Bauer?

Ray Ellis — Thu, 3 May 2007 15:40:28 EDT

I've been a diehard devotee of 24 from Day One (no pun intended.) For five seasons, I gleefully accepted every leap in logic, every defiance of time and space, every torture scene (I'm thinking all of Day Three's plotline here) that they could throw at me. I never wavered from my devotion to Jack Bauer, no matter how preposterous the plotlines became. After all, the writers were working on the fly, and even they had no idea where it was going. You have to get behind that kind of moxie.After the ratings triumph that was Day Five, it was screamingly apparent that 24 would be around for a while. Sure enough, FOX guaranteed it at least three more seasons, and made Kiefer Sutherland an executive producer of the series. It also became increasingly obvious at that point that the series was about to jump the shark.Let's face it: Day Six has been an almost incomprehensible mess, full of plotlines that sprouted like weeds, and were discarded just as quickly. It's as if the writers realized they'd painted themselves into a corner when they shipped Bauer off on a slow boat to China at the end of Day Five. From the moment Day Six opened, with Bauer released after 20 months of Chinese interrogation, nothing felt right. Within two hours, he got a designer haircut and a shave, (presumably debriefed while he was being groomed) and set about to doing what he does best: killing bad guys in creative ways. And that was all in his first couple of hours of freedom.Sure, other things have happened -- nuclear attack on LA with 12,000 casualties, failed coups, dueling terrorists, near-martial law in the US, paranoid romantic intrigues at CTU -- but they were treated as minor annoyances. Bauer got all that cleaned up with six hours to spare - plenty of time to thread a new set-up poised to place Mike Doyle center stage next season.I'm not privy to CTU memorandums or FOX board meetings, but in my own private spoiler world, I'm almost certain that Ricky Schroder's Mike Doyle will be the new 24 action figure next season. That's not to say Bauer will disappear - he may become next season's CTU director, a position befitting a TV series executive producer. Bauer's days as a renegade lone wolf world savior are almost certainly over, though. He's getting a bit long in the tooth to make it even remotely believable. It's time for Sutherland to pass the torch to younger blood, a la Bruce Willis when he gave up his action star status. Bauer can still be menacing, even in a desk job.The Mike Doyle character came out of nowhere this season, a sort of young Jack Bauer whose dedication to CTU was beyond reproach. While other characters in Day Six come across as plot devices with no discernible motivation, Doyle has been fleshed out as the season progressed, so that now we see him as a man with a shadowy past who keeps people at arm's length as a defensive mechanism. We know he's a student of comparative religion, that he is not above bending rules in the name of the greater good, that his dedication causes him to be reckless on occasion, that he will get his mission accomplished come hell or high water. But most importantly, he's playing Robin to Bauer's Batman.When I add all that together, and couple it with the fact that both Bauer and Doyle are blond, grimace at inappropriate moments and have similar tastes in street-fighting clothes, it's not a major leap of faith to see Doyle as Bauer's heir apparent. It makes sense in other ways, too. Schroder has time to grow into the stress lines that are part of Bauer's character. Since there is a bit of a similarity between the two, his presence wouldn't have a jarring effect on audiences. Since he's mysterious at this point, the series writers have a new sphere in which to work. And as the new world savior, he could serve as the perfect foil to a more seasoned, wiser, more bureaucratic Bauer.I could be wrong, of course. This is 24, after all. Doyle could be killed off next week. WWIII might break out, making Day Seven a post-apocalyptic snooze. I sort of doubt it, though. One thing is certain though. CTU is too small for two blond bad boy world saviors.

Ray Ellis is a freelance writer who has been dissecting pop culture and its effect on how we view ourselves for over twenty years, ruffling feathers and dragging unsuspecting pedestrians along for the ride whenever possible.

TV Review: 24 Season Six, Hour 20 - The Audrey Situation

Mary K. Williams — Wed, 2 May 2007 07:28:47 EDT

Last night’s hour begins with Doyle questioning Audrey, and all she can say is “Help me, Jack.” Then when he calls to check in with CTU, Doyle seems to side with Jack, and blames himself for losing the Secret Squirrel Sub Circuit Board Device (SSSCBD).Back at CTU Morris pleads with Nadia about transferring away from Chloe. Nadia was a bit harsh... “You’re asking me to indulge your personal melodrama.”Subarov wants a face to face. This wouldn’t be possible without the Product Placement Cisco Systems utility. Hurrah for Cisco! Ever the cowboy, Daniels tells Subarov that the U.S. Gov. is in control, and doesn’t like being dictated to. In the rogue capitalistic Hummer, Cheng was having problems with the SSSCBD. Somehow, I’m pretty sure that whatever he uttered right before the commercial break wasn’t Mandarin for ‘Dammit’. Ah-ha! we knew there was something sneaky about Little Lisa Loose Lips! She’s got a Boy Toy hanging out in her apartment. She also speaks disparagingly of Daniels while being ravaged by BT. Hmm. Now we can call her Little Lisa Lusty Lips. So anyway, they have a tumble and she’s ready for a shower. While she’s cleaning off her love leavings, Lisa’s Boy Toy downloads something from her PDA. When we hear him speaking to Russian type person on the phone, we get the idea that he’s up to no good, but Lisa is not intentionally bedding or collaborating with a spy. Still, this ain’t good for her.Chloe finds Morris in one of those cheerful CTU cement hallways. She is uncharacteristically contrite and sorrowful as Morris quietly tells her “it’s over.” And here I could make fun of the poor dear, looking like she’s trying to burrow her way into the cold cement. But I can’t really. We all know the feeling of regretting the utterance of that one last bitchy comment, and then have that recipient of the snipe take real offense and walk away. It sucks. I feel for her.When the White House realizes that they have a mole in their midst, not only does this serve to crystallize what is going on in Lisa’s world, but it causes Karen to check in with CTU on the progress of recovering Cheng and the SSSCBD. Nadia takes a no-holds-barred approach and tells Karen that this was the wrong day to stop sniffing glue, AND to fire Bill Buchanan.For the last hour, Nadia has tried to get comfortable in the position of Acting Director. Everyone seems to be accepting her in the role except for Milo; those eyebrows give it away. (Later on, the “If you just let Jack talk to Audrey, none of this would have happened” comment confirms this too.)Audrey is in restraints. Why? Are they afraid she’ll run out and purchase another white coat? Are they trying to keep her from appearing in any pilots from rival networks? This makes no sense. The poor thing is tattered and torn, mentally and physically. While Jack sits nervously in Holding 3, a shrink is brought in from Division. The hope is that someone somehow can dig into Audrey’s head and get some intel on Cheng. Now this Dr. Bradley, the shrink from Division, he’s some interesting dude. He comes off as a cross between a lawyer doing disclaimer-speak at the end of a commercial, and Winston Wolfe, problem solver extraordinaire of Pulp Fiction fame. Oh, he is not taking crap from anyone! He’s got a job to do, and the rest can go screw themselves! But I digress…News Flash: Daniels finds out about Lisa’s Boy Toy. BT is a lobbyist who was tagged as having possible relations with the Russians. Lisa has called him several times recently. After digesting that bombshell, Daniels drops one of his own; he confesses to sleeping with Lisa, Tom is flummoxed! Back to the scenario regarding Audrey and her unresponsive brainwashed state of mind. Dr. Bradley/Wolfe wants inject her with some drugs; he tries to reassure Nadia and Doyle that these drugs are totally different then what she was probably given in China. However, he has to add his disclaimer that some nasty physiological problems could occur, such as death and the like.Doyle and Nadia both think that Jack should have a chance to talk to Audrey first, but Dr. Bradley is now in full ‘Wolfe’ mode, and just turns on his heel and goes back to prepare Audrey for a peek inside her mind. Doyle is pissed when Nadia won’t make a stink about this, she wants to observe the chain of command; Doyle has other ideas.He goes to see Jack in Holding 3. He explains what Dr. Bradley/Wolfe’s plan is, and how Jack needs to intervene. He uncuffs Jack and tells him, “Make it look good.” Jack doesn’t need any further invitations; he immediately puts Doyle in a sleeper hold, takes his key card and gun and goes to Medical. After dispatching whatever guards, medical personnel, and Dr. Bradley/Wolfe, he undoes Audrey’s restraints and hustles her through those same cheerful cement and glass corridors.Dr. Bradley gets up from where Jack knocked him to the floor, and immediately hits the alarm. As you can imagine, everyone else at CTU starts scurrying here and there, checking surveillance monitors and just acting very tense in general. Finally Morris locates Jack and Audrey, and a security team led by Nadia confronts Jack on a lower level. As they try to get close to him, he’s got his gun drawn, bargaining for Audrey’s safety. Suddenly a whisper is heard from huddled Audrey -- Jack listens. “Rosebud! She said Rosebud!” Then he and everyone else exchange puzzled looks until Jack feels a kick. He whips his head around, and catches Audrey’s expression going from clear and cognizant to muddled and dazed. She whispers, “I said Bloomfield, you dunce. Clean the wax out of your ears, why dontcha!”Oh, that would have been fun. What really happened was Audrey whispered the word Bloomfield, which Jack assumes is her answer to where she had been held prisoner by Cheng while in L.A. Finally Jack relents and lets security take Audrey back to Medical, but not before Nadia clearly tells Dr. Bradley/Wolfe that he can keep her paws off Audrey. This’ll win the approval of not just Jack, but Milo and Doyle, too.We need to note here that Chloe has not been seen since she was crying in the halls over twenty minutes ago. This is so totally unlike the girl, it unnerves me way more than seeing Audrey catatonic. Could it be that Morris is that important to her? We know she is half in love with Jack, or at least extremely devoted, but she still realizes that he would never be in her future except as a good friend. So, her grief over Morris seems to come from a profound place in her heart. Someone else has to confront a failing relationship; Daniels greets Lisa as she returns to the White House. He asks her if she knows Mark Bishop (the Boy Toy). She answers that she recognizes the name and he’s some lobbyist. Daniels presses on, laying out evidence that shows Bishop as much more than an acquaintance to her. Clearly she’s becoming uneasy, but the tears don’t fall until Daniels reveals that BT Bishop is really a spy for Russia. Being accused of treason will do that to a girl.The final minutes of the hour show us former Secretary of Defense Heller visiting Audrey. She doesn’t seem to hear a word of his offerings of comfort and safety. He then asks Nadia to let him visit Jack. I should have known better, I thought he’d spend a moment expressing his relief that Jack as still alive after all this time, and thanking him for rescuing Audrey.No.“I don’t want you to go near my daughter ever again.”Dammit!

TV Review: S6:20 of 24 - Is Jack Bauer Really Cursed?

Victor Lana — Tue, 1 May 2007 12:24:46 EDT

At the end of last night's episode, after Jack was willing to blow himself up in order to save Audrey's life, her father James (Nuts Landing) Heller appears on the scene and unrelentingly disparages Jack. While it is bad enough that he forbids Jack to see his daughter ever again, Nuts also puts a whammy on him by saying, "You're cursed, Jack. One way or another, everything you touch ends up dead." Nuts in some ways is playing the part of Job's comforter here, and his words add heft to the burden Jack already carries. Since Jack Bauer has certainly put his share of people into graves (either by his own hand or dealing with someone he loves dying), viewers might argue that what Nuts says to him isn't far from accurate; nevertheless, this cruel verbal assault literally cuts right into Jack's heart, for he no doubt is thinking of his wife Teri and all the friends he has lost. Is Jack really cursed and has this curse brought death and misery to everyone he cares about?I have been contemplating Jack's relationships and the dynamics involved, and Jack's case aligns similarly to the Biblical character of Job. One might ask how much can one man take, and when will that man eventually turn and curse that which he loves most. In Job's case, his wife wanted him to "curse God and die," but for Jack it is even more complicated. Jack lives in an almost godless universe, where nothing is sacred and everyone has his or her golden idols. For some it is money, others power, and for someone like Cheng Zhi it is a political goal. Over the course of six seasons we would have to say that CTU is the place that Jack has loved to hate. If Jack has any faith remaining it is intricately entangled with CTU, the people who work there, and his desire to find some kind of love. What is clear is that Jack remains capable of love, despite all the fractured years he has lived without it. Jack wants to love, but he needs to find a way to get there first. After losing Teri there might have been no hope except for his daughter Kim, but they are estranged and may never reconnect. His chance to love again came in the form of Audrey, daughter of the Secretary of Defense Heller for whom Jack worked. This seems to be the relationship that Jack has lived for, through all the bad days and even his incarceration at the hands of the Chinese. Yet that love has been undeniably impossible to realize, for one obstacle after another gets thrown in his way.The Job analogy can be further supported by the introduction of Jack's phantom family this season. Instead of being able to find comfort in home and hearth, Jack learns that his brother and father are behind all the machinations of last season and this one. They are thieves, murderers, traitors, and terrorists: the same kind of people Jack has sworn to stop at all costs. This dramatic irony is not lost on the viewers, but this almost piling on of hardships makes like the straw that should break Jack's back, but he soldiers on because what he believes is his greater purpose is bigger than all his personal hardships. We must wonder if Jack will end up like Job and be rewarded for remaining steadfast in his faith. It does seem impossible right now, yet Jack Bauer is the reason why we watch this show and why we invest so heavily in the plot and events that take place. In essence, we wait to see if Jack will overcome the slings and arrows and, by opposing them, find a way to defeat the bad guys and attain some personal harmony.Last night's episode was largely about Jack's incarceration in a holding cell at CTU, his escape with the help of Mike Doyle (he's not such a bad guy after all), and Jack's attempt to not only save Audrey but to gather some kind of information from her. A doctor from District has come with nefarious plans for Audrey, which include a medically induced "shock" that could snap her out of her catatonia or kill her. The doc is willing to take this chance, but Doyle knows it smells bad. Jack does liberate Audrey and they escape into the bowels of CTU (it is amazing how a security agency can have so many unguarded areas) and have an opportunity for a brief, tender reunion. It is truly bittersweet for Jack, because he can see what the Chinese have done to her and understand it better than most (since he himself has endured it). Jack speaks softly and reveals his love for her, reminding us that he remains hopeful and believes he can still attain some kind of happiness. If nothing else, that is his driving force and explains why he is still unrelentingly adamant about his pursuit of right against wrong.Meanwhile at the White House Vice President Noah (Jim Jones) Daniels discovers that he has been cuckolded. It is not pretty when Tom (Twitchy) Lennox informs Jones that his paramour Lisa has been having an affair with Mark Bishop. Lisa, who goes home to get her unmentionables and has a quickie with Bishop before returning to Jones, has been duped by Bishop, who downloads info from her PDA faster than they serve French fries at McDonald's. Lennox and Jones apparently have plans for Lisa, who when confronted briefly pretends there is nothing going on with Bishop. Jones sets her straight and explains that this is about more than them. Russian President Subaru has called to issue a threat to Jones: get the component back from Cheng or suffer the consequences (that being a Russian attack on an American base in Central Asia). Lisa seems more than overwhelmed by all this, but Lennox is prepared to put her into action in order to neutralize Bishop and exploit his connection with the Russians.Back at CTU we get more nonsense between Morris and Chloe. Morris tells Chloe that it is over between them, and Chloe is finally realizing that her big mouth gets her in trouble (Chloe said something stupid to him about arming the nukes while he was Fayed's prisoner). Morris cannot take it and storms upstairs to Jack's old office to demand a transfer from Nadia (who took over on an interim basis for the fired Bill Buchanan). It's nice to see that, during a national emergency, Morris has his priorities in order. Milo makes another brief appearance, but he chides Nadia for not just letting Jack talk to Audrey in the first place. He tells her that is what Bill would have done. Nadia is like, "Bill, Bill, Bill!" and knows it's tough to fill his shoes, but some poor schmuck has to until the shadowy Division sends someone to take his place. What is amazing is that only a few hours before Nadia was smooching with Milo in a corner, and now she is giving Doyle that come hither CTU look that Tony and Michelle perfected in seasons past. Hey, Nadia, you have some work to do to generate that kind of heat.All of this comes back to Jack Bauer and his meeting with Nuts. As seen in last season's encounters, there is a dynamic of respect between these two somewhat similar men, but there is also the paternal element and Nuts has his fangs ready to defend his young. It isn't surprising that Nuts would feel this way about Jack's life being dangerous for Audrey, but he should recall that he himself got her kidnapped in Season 4 because of the work he does. The last few seconds of the episode are devastating in that we get a close-up of Jack Bauer digesting all that Nuts has just said. It is a credit to Kiefer Sutherland that he can convey in a few seconds what it takes hours for other actors to accomplish. In a blink of an eye and a twist of his head, we know that Jack agrees that what he touches ends up dead. Is this moment the coup de grace for Jack? Or will he be able to rise above it once again to tackle Cheng and stop a war between Russia and the United States? My bet is that Jack is going to be grabbing a gun and kicking Cheng's butt from here to Beijing before it's all over. Until next week, Klaatu barada nikto!