Blogcritics

A Helping Hand: What To Do With Pent Up Feelings?

Diana Hartman — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:16:26 EDT

Piles of emotion will get painful just like piles of trash will get smelly. Deal with the cause so it doesn�t get worse.
I have a lot of pent up feelings. I don't understand them or even what they're for. I don't get why they're still here or why they hurt so much. It's the same feelings, over and over. Is this just some simple phase in my life or is there a constructive need for them? Let's say you put your trash out on the curb to be collected but it never gets...

A Helping Hand: Teasing is not a Sign of Love

Diana Hartman — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:14:05 EDT

When the teaser sees you�re upset and still teases, he takes it from lighthearted to mean-spirited. In turn, he takes you from treasure to target.
I’ve been going out with this guy for a few months. He loves to tease me. When I get upset, he says he’s not serious about it. He makes fun of things I do or say and says these things in a funny way. He never does this in front of others. Is this a sign that he loves me? When I ask him why he acts like this, he says he loves me and this...

A Helping Hand: Fearing Rejection and Abandonment

Diana Hartman — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 13:58:54 EDT

It�s unfortunate when we define ourselves as someone who can only believe what others say about us and ignore any good we say about ourselves.
I feel extreme emotions. I am very positive or very negative, very happy or very sad. I’ve always felt this way. My relationship is a confusing situation. My fights are like, “Go to hell, I hate you,” and the next moment, “I love you.” My conversations are filled with these extreme emotions. I am not able to work...

A Helping Hand: Success and Happiness Without Much Money

Diana Hartman — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 15:42:22 EST

Success is what you�ve become. Happiness is how you feel about your success.
How would you know if you’ve lived a successful and happy life if you don’t have a lot of money or stuff to show for it?If you've done your best, made amends where you didn't do your best, made regular progress with regard to your interests, your social and family interactions, your education, and your career choice, then...

A Helping Hand: The Toxic Workplace

Diana Hartman — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 12:15:49 EDT

Employers do not have the right to subject hired employees to in-house fighting.
Two of the women I work for fight every day, sometimes all day. They yell and scream and swear. I don't care, and sometimes they're funny, but one of my co-workers is reduced to tears every time it happens. Why would it bother her so much? Your co-worker might be crying because your bosses' actions remind her of another time when she had no control...

A Helping Hand: Stay-at-Home Mom Chided for Using Daycare

Diana Hartman — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:06:01 EDT

Putting a child in daycare for even three days a week still leaves mom with a 144-hour workweek.
I'm a stay-at-home mom of a 16-month old. I put my daughter in daycare for two days during the week. She seems to be getting a lot out of it and I think she's happy. I use those two days to get groceries, clean the house, and to get some time alone. My husband thinks it's great, but I have a few family members who don't really...

A Helping Hand: Moving and Missing Old Friends, School

Diana Hartman — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 14:33:26 EDT

Moving and traveling may seem exotic and special to the kids in your new school. This is an advantage when making new friends.
My mom and me moved and I had to switch schools. I really miss my old one and I miss my old friends so much. I know some new kids at this school but I don’t connect with them. They already have their real friends. Two kids I met might like me, but I don’t know. My dad said I could move in with him, but my whole family lives here. No one...

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

A Helping Hand: Three Kids Under Three - Help!

Diana Hartman — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:04:04 EDT

How can I stay organized with three children under three years of age? They all have different personalities and make messes. I feel like all I do is clean, only to see it messed up five minutes later. I'm a stay at home mom. My husband thinks I stick to schedules too much, but his advice doesn't help. Do you have any ideas about keeping everything tidy? Three under three is certainly going to put you in the position of cleaning all the time. While organization is a good goal, applying it will be very different at home than in an office -- or a home without children. Keeping everything tidy is not a reasonable goal and you'd do well not to put that kind of pressure on yourself. With three toddlers, you'll maintain more of your sanity if your goal is to keep up with them. I had two under two. Now I have three in college. The "mess" doesn't go away, it just changes shape and geographical location. Keeping a schedule (this happens at this time, that happens at that time) can be daunting with three little ones. A routine (this happens after this -- regardless of the time -- and then we do that) might be more accommodating for everyone, especially you. Mornings can start when everyone wakes, not necessarily at 8AM. We eat, we clean up, we watch a program, we play outside, we snack, we play outside some more, we eat lunch. This doesn't have to happen by the clock to go smoothly and successfully. Do remember, "Stay at Home Mom" doesn't mean you have to stay at home. Check into your local resources for playgroups and parks. Network with other moms about scheduling playgroups and exchanging babysitting. Children cannot mess up what they can't reach, see, or know is there. Keep breakables and other valuables up and away. If necessary, put them out of sight completely. While it may seem like you'll never see your things again, the reality is that the days are long and the years are short. This means you'll be bringing your things down and back into view before you know it. Safety devices work in theory. In practice, small children are geniuses. Block outlets, unused radiators, and cords with furniture. All lower kitchen cabinets should be childproofed with one exception. Here you would keep plastics the children can play with. Cooking around kids is dangerous. To get around this, cook in advance (when they're sleeping) and reheat later, tell your husband to keep the kids occupied while you cook, and/or create meals out of raw fruit and raw vegetables or make sandwiches. Keep a minimum of toys available. A child with too many choices (more than five toys) can be become an overwhelmed child. A child with a toy that contains more than five pieces can also become overwhelmed. Simple blocks go a lot further than a box of action figures. My rule of thumb was that if a toy couldn't go in the dishwasher or clothes washer, it wasn't a toy for my kids. This helped immensely on many levels, the least of which was cleanup. If your kids have more than five toys each, leave them with five each and stick the rest in storage. When you bring out all those "new" toys, put the other toys in storage. Change them out about every three months. Messes will be made no matter what. To consolidate messes, never dismiss the wonders of the bathroom. If you have a hand-held shower nozzle, explore the possibilities. During colder months and/or rainy days, I fed my baby by putting her in her high chair and the high chair in the bathroom while the two older enjoyed their lunch on the tray that fit between the sides of the empty tub. When my baby was done eating, I washed the older two and let them dress themselves. I then put the baby (still in the high chair) in the tub and washed her up along with the high chair. I'd then take her out and let the high chair dry. On warm days I used an empty inflatable kids' pool in the yard for meal times. After eating, I'd fill the pool with water and bath bubble mixture. If you have a sprayer on the end of the hose, you can get some rockin' bubble mountains going. The beauty of inflatable pools and pool toys is that they are outdoor and indoor toys. They can go inside in a bedroom (without water, of course) or in the living room during the day. They’re lightweight and move easily. The inflatable toys that have slides and palm trees are great, but if all you can afford is a moderately-sized inflatable pool, this can double as a napping place (with pillows, blankets, stuffed animals) and as a place to play or look at books. Very small pools can hold books or toys and make it easier for small children to learn organizational skills (books go in the pink pool and toys go in the blue pool). The important thing is your peace of mind. Three small children are exhausting no matter what you do. Don't put extra (and unnecessary) pressure on yourself to do more, more, more. Keep it simple. The simpler things are for all of you, the more fondly you'll remember them at the end of the day, the more accomplished you'll feel, and trust me -- they'll remember the time you spent with them, not how tidy everything was.

Diana (nee Gulick) Hartman is the Culture and Tastes Editor for Blogcritics.org. She is a freelance writer, mother of three, and a (Ret.) US Marine spouse. She is a Wichita, Kansas native, having also lived in the California desert, eastern North Carolina and Stuttgart, Germany. She currently resides in Oceanside, California. She is a contributing writer to Holiday Writes.

A Helping Hand: In Fear of Burglars

Diana Hartman — Tue, 3 Jul 2007 11:15:28 EDT

I have a fear of burglars. I am often awake until three in the morning because I am shaking and have a rapid heartbeat from feeling so terrified. I live in a good part of town, but it’s in the country. I feel so paranoid. Even though this has never happened to me, I'm just sure it will. What can I do to get a restful night of sleep? Your fear is based both in what you know and what you don't know. It sounds like you know what could happen if a burglar broke in, but you don't know how likely that is or what to do if it did happen. Don't be so quick to jump on what you do know (burglars break into houses) or so quick to dismiss the other thing you know (that it's never happened to you). Do be quick to use what you know (burglars break into houses) to resolve what you don't know (what you can do to prevent it and what you would do if it happened). While arming yourself with knowledge won't literally arm you, it's worth considering given how much sleep you've lost over something that hasn't happened. In this, knowledge would be the first place to start. If knowledge, coupled with whatever security measures you could reasonably afford, doesn't make you feel better, looking into counseling might be the answer. The counselor might suggest medication that would help you sleep in addition to working through your fears. Sleep medication is a slippery slope. A good rule of thumb is that if you need it for more than a three to five nights, you’re not effectively addressing what left you sleepless in the first place. Ask your local law enforcement agency about the crime rate. You might be surprised to find out how infrequently these things happen or you’ll learn how the police were able to foil a burglar every time they even got so far as in town, much less in someone's house or business. Too, they can tell you how they are able to catch suspected persons -- with dogs, motion sensors, night workers at local businesses -- and suggest ways you can protect yourself.Being physically fit will enable you to feel more confident overall, but especially when it comes to how well you think you could defend yourself. Consider a defense class of some kind. Try anything from karate or kickboxing to a workout routine or dancing to your favorite music. Eating well-balanced meals can help you maintain the energy you’ll need for all that activity, as well as keep your body healthier for a good night’s sleep. Getting to know your neighbors is also a step in the right direction. Extend yourself to (friendly) neighbors you already know and make an effort to get to know those (friendly neighbors) you don’t know. Get to know your neighbors’ routine and share yours where appropriate. It may surprise you to find out you live next door to or down the street from the nosiest woman on earth. While this would bother others, someone in your position might just sleep better knowing there is someone in the neighborhood who has no problem calling the cops for every little noise. Be kind to yourself. You have this fear for a reason. It doesn't matter if the reason is because of an experience or a self-imposed belief with no basis in fact. You feel it - therefore it's real. You've given yourself permission to be fearful - now give yourself permission to do something with it. Find a counselor, get a dog, take a defense class, get active, and talk with your local law enforcement. Put the same amount of time and effort into abating the fear as you have into feeling the fear. In time, you'll feel less fearful and more empowered.

A Helping Hand: Illness and Physical Appearance

Diana Hartman — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:27:15 EDT

Can being bipolar have an effect on your body and physical appearance?Anything our minds and brains endure is going to have an impact on our bodies and how we look. This doesn't, however, mean a person who has bipolar disorder is in any way doomed to appear a certain way. While many say "He/she is bipolar," the reality is that someone has bipolar disorder. They are not the disorder itself. We are whoever and whatever we choose to be. Disorders, illnesses, and injuries alter the choices we have and may limit what we're able to do, but they don't stop us from having choices nor do they keep us from making choices about who we are and what we do. A healthy diet, regular exercise, keeping up with one's medications and treatment plan (therapy, checkups, and/or rehabilitation), pursuing one's interests, and staying on top of one's responsibilities all play a role in how we look and feel.Knowing your limits and exerting the control you have over your own life also goes a long way in maintaining overall health. A healthy diet isn't necessarily going to include food from all food groups. If you're not a big fan of fruit, make sure you get more vegetables. No one ever died from too much of their favorite vegetable. Read labels and pick things that are best for you. Your body will get the message that you’re caring for it and it will respond positively to this kind of attention. If you're not able to get to a gym, walking or bicycling is every bit as good as anything you do on a machine - and both are better for clearing the mind because it gets you out into your environment. I encourage regular outdoor activity even in less than perfect weather. Your body will respond to anything you do for your mind -- from reading, drawing, writing, and sculpting to cooking, volunteering, scrapbooking, building models, and fixing things around the house. The more you seek out your own interests, the more people you'll meet who share those interests. A healthy social network is good for the mind, the soul, and the body.How we look is a reflection of how we feel. Pay attention to what you do and how you treat yourself and others. The rest will take care of itself.