Blogcritics Author: trinket

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Detective Robert Goren - "Have You No Shame? Don't You See Me?"

trinket — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:03:24 EDT

This series is a form of creative writing known as fan fiction. Detective Robert Goren is a regular character on the Dick Wolf television show Law & Order: Criminal Intent. What follows is one longtime viewer's breath of life into an already popular character.Did you ever allow someone to get to know you, the real you, only to realize that it was a colossal mistake? Did you ever start to piece together a friendship built completely on trust and honesty only to discover that it was a sham from the get go, unbeknownst to you? Have you ever trusted someone with absolutely everything only to find yourself betrayed to the core?So here I sit, wondering how this has happened. How could I have let anyone get close enough to hurt me this much? Especially when I thought I've been more guarded than ever before. I've been screwed with so much in the last year that I was sure, I knew that my instincts could not, would not fail me now. Don't you see? I'm supposed to be smarter now. I've been through so much crap, so many mind games that I'm supposed to see a game 10,000 feet away. No one could screw with my brain now -- or so I thought.Instead my mind has been messed with for months. This is by someone that I grew to trust while dealing with everyday life. Someone who encouraged me to let my emotions go. They "needed to come out". Eventually I knew, absolutely knew it was safe. Anything, any emotion was safe. I could be real and it was okay. I didn't need to keep the typical walls up. I could answer the phone and breathe a sigh of relief when I heard a particular voice because I didn't need to fake my way through another conversation. I could just be however I really was and it was okay. Not only was it okay, but I was always left feeling better, stronger and very fortunate to have such a good person listening. Such a kind, gracious person that I would have done absolutely anything for.What a gullible asshole I am. I'm sick thinking about it.Trust. Faith in anyone. Both of these are shot. I trust no one, nor do I care to. It has only led to my deep freeze of late. I used to put others first but obviously that has been a mistake. Just a week ago I told this person that I never questioned what they told me and that I always believed that they were honest with me. Always. "Trusted beyond compare" I think was my exact phrasing. Good God, I'm better off alone. I've been in avoid people mode most of my life and it really is turning out to be better that way. Maybe superficiality is underrated. Maybe it does have its high points.The worst thing is realizing, truly understanding just how unimportant and disposable I have been. Wouldn't you think after months of connecting and long conversations, don't you think that person would matter? Don't your friends matter to you? I know mine do. This particular person keeps lying, in order to save their own sorry ass. Poof. I no longer mattered in the least. The SUPPOSED emotional connection became invisible, as if it never existed. I spent months handing myself to someone that in one instant declared me nonexistent. Or worse yet, just a small detail, a wrinkle in their otherwise wonderful life. Certainly not the priority that I was made to feel I had become.My eyes give everything, every emotion that I have away. It has always been that way. I don't need to speak really. My eyes tell all. So how can someone look into my eyes and bold face lie? Lie and see me in return looking back with full implicit trust. How does anyone do that to someone that they care about? I know we all hurt each other but why do it intentionally? Why say something dishonest, especially something that really matters.I've always been a loner and so letting people closer, this was new to me. I've found comfort in the good feelings. Because in spite of all the garbage, I've still been able to see and appreciate the good. Now what? What do you do when you realize that a good chunk of the good was fake? A person that you saw as proof that good people still exist has turned out to be worse than you ever imagined possible.What do you do when you have to accept that someone that you knew would never speak badly of you has done just that while playing hot potato with your heart and soul?I don't let many people in. Not many get really close to me, the real me anyway. What I've learned this past week is that my protective walls need to be much higher because something really big got by me this time.

Trinket has worked as a journalist for the last 15 years covering sports, entertainment while dabbling in satire. She has taken multitasking to a crazed level juggling work, 3 little diva's and putting the finishing touches on an upcoming book.

Detective Robert Goren - Breakable Thread

trinket — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 17:36:07 EDT

Trinket's Jukebox - 1984

trinket — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 12:51:39 EST

I'm a self-described music whorelette. I listen to and own a bit of everything. I can pick favorites from most any genre and if I make a mix CD, boy is it mixed. 1984 is one year that really stands out in my mind- because of the great music. I was in seventh grade and nearly every good memory had music at least playing in the backdrop. Remember the frightening Lionel Richie videos that had his jeri-curled self dancing with a bunch of straight-faced, brightly dressed, celebrity hopefuls? Comebacks were popular that year. "Jump" and "Panama" were in heavy constant rotation on MTV and Van Halen's David Lee Roth could do no wrong. Tina Turner strutted her still-great legs in "What's Love Got To Do With It" and even The Police resurfaced briefly before splitting. 1984 brought several new voices that sounded familiar. Yes resembled The Police; Rockwell was mistaken for Michael Jackson and so on. I won my very first album (yes, it was vinyl) off the radio that spring. Bruce Springsteen's Born In The USA. I didn't even like Springsteen, I just wanted an excuse to go to the radio station to pick up a prize. Back then my friends and I all convened nightly around the kitchen table listening to our favorite station, eating Middleswarth Bar B Q chips, flipping through magazines and gossiping. The goal was for us all to score a free album and within two weeks our goal was met.The summer was especially memorable. Cyndi Lauper provided the anthem of course, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and Prince was the man. We practiced dorky cheerleading routines to "Let's Go Crazy" and were mesmerized by the video, "When Doves Cry". Madonna inspired trips to Brooks in the local mall to buy fluorescent clothes, belts, socks, and of course those jelly bracelets. Lots and lots of bracelets. I had to have painter pants like Bananarama wore and a big hair bow to match. We worshipped Duran Duran and fought over who was the cutest band member. I still lean towards Simon even 20 years later. The year also gave us several really good one-hit-wonders. Ray Parker Jr. was all about ghostbusting, John Waite wasn't missing anyone at all, The Romantics told me that I talk in my sleep and I felt a lot of "noize" whenever I blasted Quiet Riot.I'm not even going into Nena and her stupid "99 Red Luft Balloons".Such simple memories triggered by music even to this day, but they're guaranteed to make me smile every time I look back.Here's a list of Billboard's Top 100 of 1984; which ones still make you smile?

Detective Robert Goren: Small Doses

trinket — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 02:38:37 EST

Detective Robert Goren: Words Yet To Be Spoken

trinket — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 03:13:33 EST

This series is a form of creative writing known as fan fiction. Detective Robert Goren is a regular character on the Dick Wolf television show Law & Order: Criminal Intent. What follows is one longtime viewer's breath of life into an already popular character.I know that it seems crazy insane for me to EVER see my mother and Nicole Wallace in one another. I do realize how, oh, probably evil it sounds on my part to even think such a thing. The correlation comes from The Nicole File. There is a wealth of information within those pages that has yet to even be discussed. Things that seem unnecessary and irrelevant to the case. Things that just further define who Nicole is - her mentality, her pathology. It's no secret that I've been over and over it all a multitude of times. Partly because that's what a profiler does and partly to try and anticipate the next move. Then, a good deal of time has been spent just lost in the details, understanding a little too well what she has been through. It's not just that I can visualize it but that I've watched similar things happen to my mother.See, this is really one of those blatantly frightening moments where, yes - I DO identify with a perp and I sort of understand some of the downward spiral. I understand her and get her better than I would most other women.When Nicole spun her tale about not being able to conceive while married to Gavin, it was the truth. She knew that I'd dig up her medical history at least in part anyway. She knew I would find enough to piece things together. When her daughter was nearly two she was diagnosed with a gynecological cancer -- something curable in the long run that likely was the gradual result of "misspent youth". The treatment would be successful but draining on her. She would have been weaker physically and just taking care of normal everyday things - like her daughter had to have been very hard. She had a boyfriend back then but we've never found his real name. If he used an alias in the first place then he probably wasn't the best guy around. We also know the kind of people that Nicole attracts. Her daughter's death was during her treatment time. That only helps to feed my belief that she didn't kill her, but a fed up, put-upon, raging boyfriend did and Nicole was too drained to stop him. She knew no one would believe her so she had to bury her child and of course figured out the best spot in the country to do so.She knows my mother's history. I'm sure she managed to pull her medical records and identified with what this complete stranger went through. Dan Croyden was such an easy mark. Maybe he wasn't violent but he was completely self-absorbed before walking out on his cancer-stricken wife and young kids. Killing him, that was probably almost too easy for Nicole. She saw the man that bailed out on her in this guy and no doubt she thought she was doing his now ex-wife a favor. The fact that she could toss him my way - well that was just an extra bonus for her. She knew I'd look at this guy's history and see my father. Then I'd listen to his pompous arrogance and hear my father. It was brilliant on her part to kill so many birds with one stone.A stroke of genius really.I'm not sure why Nicole hooked up with Evan Chappel. Maybe it was a fluke, maybe she was obituary surfing and saw that he was newly widowed with a young daughter. I do believe that once she was confronted with the truth about her daughter (when I say truth, I mean someone knew the child existed and then died) I don't think that she could just stuff it all down again. It was too much and even one single other person knowing, well, that made it suddenly very real. Gwen was maybe a little older than her own child would have been and she knew that this was likely her last crack at some sort of motherhood. The fact that Gwen was at risk for gynecological cancer once she hit puberty, that made Nicole even more protective of her. In her mind it was making up for what she couldn't prevent years earlier. She had every intention of being in this child's life. Probably in part because she knew firsthand the tough road ahead of Gwen in a few years.These are some of the things that spin in my head all at once. All of the similarities - my mother's illness, Nicole's illness, neither could protect their children. My father, Nicole's boyfriend, Dan Croyden - they're all pretty much the same despicable man but presented a bit differently on the outside. I watched my mother struggle to get well while her supposed biggest supporter was only dead weight. I can imagine Nicole in that same situation. It doesn't change things, not ultimately. She killed several people before having a child and she has killed several since. Nothing cancels out the damage that has already been done. It does make me see her as a person though, someone that has been through hell herself and not only by her own misdeeds.Serial killer. A nice, neat label. Beneath it always lies a complicated, painful mess.

Detective Robert Goren: Make A List

trinket — Sat, 25 Mar 2006 07:14:03 EST

This series is a form of creative writing known as fan fiction. Detective Robert Goren is a regular character on the Dick Wolf television show Law & Order: Criminal Intent. What follows is one longtime viewer's breath of life into an already popular character. All week long I've been wide awake by 1 a.m. Not a calm rousing, but startled awake to the sound of my own heart racing. I can't lay there so I get up and wander through my apartment. Walking off the physical uneasiness, talking myself down from the internal panic. I know exactly what is going on with me. Every few months I go through this kind of insomniac phase. I spend so much of my waking day keeping everything in check. Emotions stable, focus on my job. I spend a lot of time pushing my own feelings and personal thoughts out of the way until they are shoved to the farthest corners of my mind.Then I try to sleep and my guard falls. All of those demons that are exiled at 1pm rush back in and flood my mind at 1 a.m.My mother. My father. Failed attempts at love. Crime scenes like the one where an old couple was gunned down and died hand in hand on the sidewalk. Nicole. Things that I've done wrong, private guilt that just eats away at me.Someone suggested that I try listing the good things in my life, that maybe it will shift my mood. So, here goes.Things I'm thankful for right at this very moment:The coffee that wakes, warms and soothes me several times a day. It is a food group.Eames. As a partner, I couldn't ask for better. I adore her cynicism, quick wit and ballsiness. As a friend, she is a rarity, never letting her sarcastic tone outweigh her huge heart. As a woman she has earned her spot in the middle of a big boys club. She has earned everyone's respect and in return she takes care of us. Deakin's calls her "The Den Mother" and in many ways she is just that.Logan. Yep, we spar. Forget verbal ballet, it's more like verbal Irish Step Dancing. It's all in good fun though. I have a great deal of respect for him. He was banished to Staten Island for years. Most cops would have quit but he stuck it out, waiting for his chance to get back to real cases. He loves his job and does it for the right reasons, otherwise he would have quit while ticketing golf carts. He's a younger Lennie Briscoe and it's refreshing. I think we work well together and I hope to do so more often.Barek. She's nice in a streetwise kind of way. A bit eccentric which I like a lot. The best thing, I get to listen in on Barek and Eames' gossipy girltalk.I'm thankful for being able to view my mother as she really is. That has allowed me to let go of anger towards her that was undeserved. I'm grateful for the good memories and can care for her without resentment.I'm grateful for the nurses that care for my mom every day. They care for her physical needs and take the time to make her feel special.This will sound insane, but I'm very thankful for Nicole. While it is painful to care so much for someone who is so unhealthy for me, I've also learned a lot about myself. I now know the amount of love that I can feel for a woman and to settle for a relationship that makes me feel any less -- I couldn't do it. I want to feel like this again but with someone that I can accept love from as well. I now know just how deeply connected I can be to a woman without physical intimacy. Souls can be connected even when bodies aren't. This has reinforced my belief that you cannot control who you love. Souls are intertwined, hearts are entangled, intellect is matched and it just happens. If these things occur with two people that cannot be together then I have to believe that the opposite happens as well. All of those pieces interlock and beautiful couples are born. Those little old couples you see walking hand in hand in slow motion. They've been together for 40 years and the man still opens doors for her, still beams at her like a college boy. An all-encompassing, unconditional yet uniquely flawed love. It does exist and I think I understand the power of it just a bit better. Enough to want to find it.

Detective Robert Goren - Good Vs. Evil - Part Two

trinket — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 17:01:23 EST

TV Review: Fifties Night On American Idol

trinket — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 07:20:33 EST

AI theme weeks continue! This time around the finalists could only choose from a collection of 50s hits and their mega-star coach was none other than Barry Manilow.Mandisa started the show off with a HUGE bang. Her rendition of "I Don't Hurt Anymore" began slowly and ended with an audience fully on its feet. I can't remember the last time any AI show has opened so strongly. Even Simon Cowell "absolutely loved it." Bucky Covington had the misfortune of following Mandisa. His take on the Buddy Holly classic "Oh Boy" was what Simon accurately called a "so what performance." It wasn't bad by any means, just not very memorable.Further blowing Covington out of the water was Paris Bennett's "Fever". Impeccable vocals, maturity, poise and dressing the part all came together for Bennett here.Chris Daughtry did exactly what regular viewers have come to expect -- he took a popular song and completely molded it to fit his style. "I Walk The Line" was simply amazing. It was worlds apart from Johnny Cash's version and yet equally compelling. The depth and emotion in Daughtry's voice made this easily one of the best performances of the night. Katharine McPhee channeled Ella Fitzgerald in "Come Rain or Come Shine" and it really paid off. Each week McPhee seems to improve in one way or another. Tonight she showed ease changing from one chord to another and her torchy performance seems a hint of great things to come in weeks ahead. Taylor Hicks returned with his usual energy this week. Clad in a powder blue suit he took on Buddy Holly's "Not Fade Away". While it wasn't the most vocally challenging performance tonight, he pulled out the stops to make sure that everyone had a good time. I'm not sure what it is about Lisa Tucker that leaves me a bit cold. "Why Do Fools Fall In Love" was a good choice for her and her vocals were pretty strong but in the end it just didn't hold up for me at all. At least this week Kevin Covais dropped the arrogance and returned to form as the sweet kid that kind of endeared viewers back during the audition phase. "When I Fall In Love" seemed to be sincere and flowed from his heart. Simon remarked that Covais' fanbase would love it and I must agree. Elliott Yamin followed with "Teach Me Tonight", probably one of the toughest choices of the evening. He handled the chord changes really well and made this one of his best performances to date. Not an easy task considering the evening was filled with memorable songs. After a bumpy stint last week Kellie Pickler returned with a strong variation of the old Patsy Cline song, "Walking After Midnite". She carried the bluesy, angsty mood off beautifully. Last, but certainly not least was Ace Young with "In The Still of The Night". He jazzed it up, made it a bit more modern and ended with his great falsetto. All in all, Young is unlikely to sit in the bottom three tomorrow night.Off the top of my head I'd say that once again, Chris Daughtry had the best performance this week. Sitting in the bottom three tomorrow night - I'll predict Lisa Tucker, Bucky Covington and Kevin Covais. Going home? That one is easy, Covington for sure.

Detective Robert Goren: Leave Your Self-Inflicted Drama At The Door

trinket — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:27:39 EST

Detective Robert Goren: The Lesser of The Evils

trinket — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 06:42:03 EST

This series is a form of creative writing known as fan fiction. Detective Robert Goren is a regular character on the Dick Wolf television show, Law & Order: Criminal Intent. What follows is one longtime viewer's breath of life into an already popular character. I'm waiting to hear back from my mother's doctor. After her recent break they've tried lowering her meds back down a bit. The thinking was to stabilize her and then try to get her back to the lower dosage. Last night she had a setback. The problem is nothing appeared to trigger it. She was alone in her room and basically just collapsed mentally all over again. She slept last night and woke this morning in the same fragile state. They opted to pump her full of those damn drugs again and she'll be down for the day. I'm not sure what the next step is. Keeping the meds elevated leaves her really lethargic at best. But does she need a higher dose. Is it better for her to be unaware of her inner demons? I just don't know what to even hope for. Whatever is in her best interest is best. Escaping her inner torture is a blessing I'm sure. I know that. But what quality of life is that? Not that a mental break every few weeks is better. It's beginning to feel like a lose/lose situation. She has been slipping away from me for most of my life. I've watched it, seen the gradual mental decomposition and it... Hurts, but she has always known me. An increase at this point means she won't always communicate or even realize I'm in the room. If she does realize I'm there she may not know who I am.The lesser of the evils... for her. How do I know what that even is? All the thinking, trying to figure out what is really best has made me really look at my mom's life overall. I could say upping meds so that she is lethargic if not catatonic is lousy, but is it better than her moment by moment reality when she is clear and alert? No one but her can really answer that. Clear-headed but haunted, or spacey and at peace? I think it's one of those situations where you think you know what you'd rather but when presented with the situation for real, your mind could change.When I think about her relationship with my father... I wonder if she just couldn't handle him. Did she start backslidding mentally because it was better, easier than staying in the present. Was it easier to get lost in her own psychosis than it was to really admit how lousy her life with her husband was? Even when I was a kid and they'd fight, I knew what he did was wrong. I blamed her for him leaving, but I also thought he treated her badly. He was always so self- important and self-absorbed. Every conversation was turned into something about himself. He had a way of doing that and it drove everyone nuts. You always felt like he was superior, not because he really was, but because he needed to believe he was. His own arrogance led him to believe that he could say whatever the hell he liked to anyone at all - but if they responded, well. How dare they? How dare anyone say anything negative about him?A fine example of a man who could dish it but couldn't handle getting back what he brought on himself.In many ways they were polar opposites. Mom wanted peace and calm while dad thrived on chaos and drama. Two radically different sets of needs trying to coexist in a merged world. I can to this day remember mom trying to talk to him and feeling... less than him. Or that's how she believed he saw her. One night not long before he left us I heard them fighting. I didn't understand it very much then. Now as a grown man it kills me. She was asking for the simplest of things. Emotional support. She felt doomed in his presence. He wanted particular things accomplished then slammed her when she tried to do them. The gist was if you can't be supportive then at the very least, stop dragging me down. "If you love me why do you take so much pleasure in insulting me just for kicks?"I can still hear her saying that. How did he respond to her request to back off and stop being so hurtful? By slinging more insults. Pushing more buttons. Belittling her for things undone and insulting anything accomplished. Hitting raw nerves one at a time until she finally snapped and punched him.I can still see the big, pompous, self-important man on the living room floor choking my mother while I watched from the next room. Mangling the body of the woman who was half his size. Sealing the deal, showing her exactly what type of dirt beneath his shoes he thought her to be. She was good enough to carry his children, cook his meals, cater to his insane extended family, but how dare she... How dare she ask that he treat her with the same respect that she instinctively tried to give him? The nerve of her to initiate a conversation where she simply asked to be treated with a little bit of kindness. A reminder that she needed to feel supported and held up by someone and as her husband, shouldn't he be the one to want to do that?My father left that night after finally letting mom go. He was gone for a few hours and I'm sure she prayed he would drive his sorry, drunken ass into a telephone pole. She was oblivious to me even being there. She was just lost in her own thoughts. I lost count of how many times I heard her tell herself out loud that she hated him."I hate him. I hate him. I hate him."It was almost like a chant.The next morning she was withdrawn from everything. Bruised and slow moving. She looked defeated physically but emotionally I think he did choke some of the life from her. That was a clear turning point in her sickness. If she stayed lost in her own head, if she withdrew into her own deluded world - well maybe those delusions were better than reality. Maybe in her delusions she fits in. Maybe the people who live in her head, maybe they treat her with kindness. Maybe she is treated like a human being there and maybe she believed that no one on the outside, no one in the real world, would ever treat her well for very long. So she retreats back into her own created safety zone.All she wanted was to have a husband that adored her and instead I think he truly broke her.